How Do I Prepare For A Placement?
It’s often hard to prepare for a placement, as you often won’t have a heads up and won’t know what age and sex of a child might be coming. However, these are some things to keep in mind.
Emotionally preparing for a foster child involves developing the right mindset and building resilience.
- Educate Yourself:
- If this is your first placement or you’re new to fostering, ask other foster parents how they prepare their hearts and homes.
- Educate yourself well on trauma, so when behaviors come, you can remember the why behind the behavior
- Set Realistic Expectations:
- Recognize that building trust and attachment may take time.
- Be patient and flexible with the process.
- Reflect on Your Motivation:
- Clarify your reasons for fostering and remind yourself of your commitment and compassion.
- Consider journaling to keep your motivations in mind.
- Prepare for Emotional Challenges:
- Acknowledge that you may experience feelings of sadness, frustration, or loss.
- Develop healthy coping strategies such as self-care, support groups, or counseling.
- Build a Support System:
- Connect with other foster parents, friends, or family for emotional support.
- Seek guidance from local foster care organizations or support groups.
- Set Boundaries and Maintain Self-Care:
- Know your limits and prioritize your mental health. It’s common for foster parents to feel they need to say “yes.”
- Engage in activities that rejuvenate and center you.
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- Childproof Your Home:
- Secure electrical outlets with safety covers.
- Install safety locks on cabinets and drawers.
- Lock away medicines, cleaning supplies, and hazardous substances.
- Install child gates if necessary.
- Create a Safe Bedroom or Space:
- Designate a comfortable, private area for the child.
- Include appropriate furniture and personal touches.
- Ensure there is room for personal belongings in a closet, dresser, etc.
- Ensure Safety Equipment Is in Place:
- Smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors should be installed and tested regularly.
- Have a fully stocked first aid kit accessible.
- Fire ladders should be available for all upstairs bedrooms without two exits.
- Establish Clear Boundaries and Rules:
- Post rules and routines for behavior and safety.
- Use child-friendly signage if needed.
- Prepare Clothing and Essentials:
- Keep a supply of clothing, toiletries, and basic necessities. Many foster homes have a closet full of essentials and even blankets and stuffed animals the child(ren) can choose from.
- Stock up on school supplies if applicable.
- Create a Nurturing Environment:
- Fill the space with books, toys, and comforting items.
- Consider the five senses and what would make a child/teen feel safe and comfortable:
- Taste: child-friendly, healthy snacks
- Smell: diffusers or stuffed animals with essential oils
- Hear: noise machines or a speaker for music
- Sight: nightlights, LED lights
- Touch: stuffed animals, comfortable blankets, indoor swing
Before your first placement comes, and subsequent placements, you should sit down and have an open conversation with your children to remind them of what to expect. Some things you should discuss:
- What is foster care?
- Your children are going to be asked many questions about foster care. Help give them words to understand:
- “Sometimes mommies and daddies can’t take care of their kids and they need someone to help them for a while. Our family helps kids when their mommies and daddies can’t.”
- Your children are going to be asked many questions about foster care. Help give them words to understand:
- How are they feeling?
- A child’s feelings are likely to change from the time you explain foster care to them to the time you are preparing the house for a placement. Remind them that it is okay to feel happy, sad, scared, jealous, etc. Give them time and space to openly talk and let them know that you will listen.
- If they are sharing a room, make sure they know that it’s okay to feel mad. Oftentimes, children truly want to help but also don’t want to share. Do not yell at them or make them feel bad. It’s okay to walk them through how important their role is in helping the foster child feel safe and welcomed, but don’t pressure them or make them feel bad for things they may be feeling.
- How does trauma affect behaviors?
- If you have tweens/teens in your home, it isn’t too young to teach them the basics of trauma, the why behind connected parenting, and even some tips on how they can better respond. They will be able to show more empathy, the more they understand there’s a reason behind the behaviors.
- What things might change?
- Inevitably, some things will change once a child you don’t know enters your doors. Try to think ahead about as many things you can envision changing and discuss them as a family. These could include things such as:
- bedtime
- rules that might be different
- additional items on the calendar
- a lot of new people in and out of the house
- sharing things they might not be used to
- Inevitably, some things will change once a child you don’t know enters your doors. Try to think ahead about as many things you can envision changing and discuss them as a family. These could include things such as:
- What can they do if they get overwhelmed?
- Give them ideas of what to do before a child enters your home, and then check in on them frequently after a placement.
When foster care is new to you (and even when it isn’t), it can feel odd to have a child/youth in your home who you have some say in the day-to-day, yet have limitations. Always keep in mind that you’re the foster parent, not the biological parent, and there is a team making decisions based on what’s best for the child. Caseworkers have tough jobs and are also bound by laws and red tape. When working with caseworkers throughout a case, remember:
- Caseworkers have a complex job and a caseload of other children and families. Be patient and understanding, and remember that they are working to ensure the best outcome for the child.
- Caseworkers are not on-call (unless they are assigned to be) 24-7. Respect their time and call the on-call worker if there’s an emergency after hours.
- If it wasn’t made clear during training, ask the caseworker what things you should call about, email about, or use prudent parenting for.
- You need to be proactive in sharing information with the caseworker about the child’s progress, challenges, and any concerns.
