Episode 24 – Caring for Yourselves Better as a Foster Family with Rebecca Harvin and Stacy Lasonde

TRANSCRIPT:

Courtney (00:01.707)
Welcome back to the Foster Friendly Podcast. I'm Courtney Williams, one of the hosts here at America's Kids Belong.

Travis (00:08.37)
And I'm Travis Vonxness, one of the other hosts and really excited to talk about a very needed topic today to talk about around foster care. We know that around 50 % of people or foster parents nationally quit. And there's reasons all around that. One of the biggest is has to do with support. And so, the foster care Institute surveyed 5 ,000 foster parents and by far their number one reason for quitting that they cited was.

needing more help in terms of burnout and stress. Some call this compassion fatigue. And so we're really going to talk and we're going to unpack more about support and kind of what that looks like. And what really makes me and Courtney both really excited today is that we're joined by Rebecca Harvin, who is the founder and executive director of Haven Retreats in Jacksonville. And she, her nonprofit is on the foster friendly app locally in Jacksonville.

She's a foster mom personally and has adopted and is really doing something unique in how she's supporting foster families. And so really looking forward to hearing more from her on this. Also joined with personal friend of mine, Stacey LaSonde, her husband. We go back to 2013 where we were both at a children's home as foster parents and

And they've went on, you know, they're from Jacksonville. So they've went back home and have lived there since, when the early, what'd say? 2014 you moved back. Okay. And so they've been licensed foster parents, for the last seven years and Stacy teaches American sign language. So there's another little thing. So yeah.

Rebecca & Stacy (01:39.054)
By 2014 we moved back actually.

Courtney (01:51.617)
Very cool. Well, welcome you two. It's fun to have you guys. Can you each tell us a little bit more about yourselves and your families?

Rebecca & Stacy (01:53.08)
Yes.

Rebecca & Stacy (02:03.15)
Yep, do you want to go first, Stacy? Sure. So I am married to my husband. His name is Matt. We've been married for almost 17 years. We have four biological kids and two fosters currently that we are in the process of adopting. So six kids, one dog. I teach American Sign Language online. Yeah, and we've been on this foster care journey in our home for the last seven years.

And we have, I'm married to Brad. We've been married 15 years and we have six kids, two biological children and four children that we adopted from foster care. And then over six years, we fostered 23 children. So our license, we closed our license last fall, but.

Yeah, that's good. we're architects. I'm like, that's good. Our architects range from 14 to four right now.

Courtney (02:58.005)
Yeah.

Courtney (03:05.793)
fun. Yeah, ours are 4 to 22. So I understand how that rolls.

Rebecca & Stacy (03:09.934)
and having teenagers and toddlers at the same time was wild. Ours are wild. I was looking at my 12 year old and my two year old and I was like, you guys are the same. With 10 years between you.

Courtney (03:16.759)
Yeah.

Travis (03:16.85)
Can start a support group for that, like even right now? Just on the spot.

Courtney (03:26.305)
Yeah, different. And then it's funny, we now have three, three of ours have flown the nest and they were all three adopted. So they, you know, they came to us at older ages and now they're out of the house and they require almost just as much time and energy as they did when they were in the house. And I didn't expect that. So.

Rebecca & Stacy (03:45.11)
This is what I've heard. I've heard that. I feel very far removed from that. Even though have a 14 year old, be here before I know it. also having a one year old and like, there's so much more to come. There's so much time.

Courtney (03:48.009)
Yeah.

Travis (03:53.441)
it's coming. It is coming.

Courtney (03:54.677)
Yeah.

Courtney (03:59.452)
Yeah. Well, Stacey, I hear that you guys have a funny story about how you met. Could you tell us about that?

Rebecca & Stacy (04:05.74)
Yeah, sure.

Back in guess January of 2020, a friend of mine, Sarah, she invited me to a brunch at her house. was like an email invite. And it was for something called Haven Retreats. And I was like, I have no idea what that is. I don't think there was even a website at the time. Like I knew nothing of it. But I loved Sarah. And I was like, my kids are back in school. I'm on my own. I'm going to go to this brunch and just be with other people. And so I showed up at the brunch and was getting food from the table. And this lady came up next to me. We were chatting. She was telling me about her food.

and that her foster kids and I was like, my gosh, I foster too. That's awesome. And she's like, yeah, that's why you're here. that's awesome. I had no idea. And so then I felt super silly.

But also, I got to sit and listen to Rebecca tell the story of how Haven began and her heart. And I just had tears in my eyes, like this must exist. This has to exist for families like mine and other families who are caring for kids from hard places. yeah, we've been friends ever. We have been friends ever since.

Travis (05:15.108)
That's a great story.

Courtney (05:16.097)
Yeah, that's good.

Travis (05:19.686)
Well, okay, so Rebecca, tell us about the vision for starting Haven Retreats and then what does Haven currently do to support foster families?

Rebecca & Stacy (05:28.046)
Sure. So the vision for Haven started when I was about 18 months into being a foster parent. We were on our third placement and I had my first round of compassion fatigue or caregiver burnout. And I was...

I had wanted to be a foster parent since I was 16. And so for me, this is like a lifelong dream being fulfilled. And I was a year and a half in and I wanted to quit. I was like, God, you have. I was at my church one Sunday and I was very angry and I was praying through that anger.

And from in that was this kind of like, I need something to make this journey sustainable. Like what's happening inside of my home is not sustainable. The chaos that's happening, the fact that you couldn't, like there's no place that you can go for reprieve.

was just really draining for me. And I thought, well, maybe if I need that, maybe other people need it too. And I kind of quickly knew I needed time to rest and like really...

deeply rest, not take a quick 30 minute nap. Like I was tired to my bones. I needed somebody to feed me and nourish me. I was pouring out for kids constantly and nobody was taking care of me and I needed therapy. I was becoming a mom I didn't recognize and I didn't want to be. And for me personally, I needed time to sit and to pray and to kind of shake my fist at the heavens, you know?

Rebecca & Stacy (07:15.99)
and let those cries be answered. And so that is, I've just summed up what Haven is. So I created a space that is, it's therapeutic retreats for foster and adoptive caregivers. We have retreats for moms, we have retreats for the couples to come together.

Travis (07:25.372)
You

Rebecca & Stacy (07:38.594)
And I always joke that it's not like a, when you say this, I feel this. Not that there's anything wrong with the style of communication, but it's more like I handle secondary trauma in my home this way and you process it this other way and that creates this island in between us. And we want to make sure that there's a bridge for the couple. And then there's a retreat for dads to come and there's a retreat for biological children of foster and adoptive caregivers.

Travis (08:08.028)
Did all the retreats, did it start with one and then they kind of grew to, hey, we need a dad's one or was that all kind of at the beginning?

Rebecca & Stacy (08:16.054)
Yeah, so it started everything at Haven has started from what my family needs. Everything that we do is based off of like, look at my family and we were in the thick of it for so many, the creation of Haven started in the middle of foster care and so.

I, moms, I needed the place so we came first. That's like, that was easy. It's a easy end for me. And truly to this day, moms are like the bread and butter of Haven. The more moms that we care for, the more access to the rest of the family we have. We get the mom to come, they will bring their husbands back for the parents' retreat. The husbands come to the parents' retreat and they go, my gosh. So that's how the, so that they come, we came to the parents' retreat and then a dad there looked at me and he said,

Travis (08:38.399)
Ha

Rebecca & Stacy (09:04.452)
you cannot forget about me. Please have a retreat for me. There's nothing for dads. And then, you know, there's such, there's so few services for biological children in the home. And, and that's a reason that foster parents will close their license is because it's so difficult. Like the motions are so big in the biological children that it's, they'll close the license. So it's just creating a place where we can say like,

This is good, hard work and we love it and we need a place where we can, like, for us, you know, to rest and rejuvenate. And be seen. And be seen. And there's a whole lot about being seen that we do at retreats.

Courtney (09:52.737)
does a typical mom's retreat kind of look like?

Rebecca & Stacy (09:56.15)
rest food therapy Jesus wash, rinse, repeat. That's easiest way to say it. So you come in and without giving away all of the details of what happens at a retreat, you come in and there's like a personalized welcome basket. Like we've asked the, we've asked attendees to fill out a form and just tell us like, what's your favorite snack? What's your favorite, like all of that stuff.

Travis (09:59.708)
Ha ha ha.

Rebecca & Stacy (10:19.75)
They walk into their room and they have an individualized basket. And so I cannot tell you the number of moms that turn out of their room and come find us. And they just have tears streaming down their face because nobody has seen them in so long. And then we gather, kind of have a, where are you now? What does your family look like? What are the current things happening inside of your home?

At the retreats, don't talk about, and this is an important differentiation, is that a word? Yeah. Okay. That we do is we don't talk about like parenting techniques. People coming are, you know, well -versed in TBRI and different interventions and all of that. That will happen like as moms are talking to each other, but from the front, we talk about the caregiver. We talk about where they are right now, how they are processing the work that they're

are called to do. We talk about grief at every retreat and we give space for grief and we end on hope. I can't send anybody home without offering hope for the future ahead.

Travis (11:32.518)
I really love, well, A, just the name of Haven. mean, that just sets kind of the stage of, you know, even in your mind of what that is. But I really love too, what you just said about, you know, if you're listening as a foster parent, mean, obviously the trauma and dealing with difficult behaviors at times and all of that can be extremely difficult and taxing. then the emotions of your own biological kids dealing with all of that and their own needs as well. But.

The other thing that I think is an underrated part of this conversation that isn't talked about enough, sounds like you have it at the forefront, is the grief and loss that happens also with the loss of placements. Because I think often about how, you know, when the kids, whether they get reunited or whatever happens in the next, maybe it's a new placement, but there is a loss that's absorbed every single time by the foster parent that gave so much.

hard and love and connect to provide the stability that they need. And when that's not sort of dealt with by the person, either through community, through their local church and faith or whatever, and sort of just left and then just next placement comes in to, I don't know, not necessarily like replace that, but it's like that needs to be dealt with grief.

Rebecca & Stacy (12:48.366)
Grief has to be, it's that, mean, that's also, like you mentioned the foster parent, the biological children are experiencing that too. Like we had a placement leave and I went to go check on my daughter. They had been with us for 400 days and I went to go check on my daughter and her bed, just make sure she was okay and I couldn't find her. She was sleeping in the crib of the placement that had just left. Like she just wanted to be near her and smell her.

And like if that doesn't break your heart as a mom, right? Like if that's like, what is this? What is this life? This beautiful, good life? mean, this morning I was sitting on this couch with the with that.

child's new mom, like, and we still get to be in her life and all of that, but man, it hurt. It hurt when they left. And then the grief that caregivers experience of life is not the same as it used to be. I'm not welcome in the same spots that I used to be welcome in. I don't have the same friends that I had at the beginning of this journey now. And that's true across the board, right? And it's a...

I don't think, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, it's worth the loss that we experience, but still acknowledging the experience of loss is needed. I'm not the same person that I was six years ago. I think that that is what moms wrestle with a ton is I'm not the mom I used to be.

I will say, so the first parents retreat that my husband and went on, we had a placement for 18 months. He was very difficult, loved him so, much. was so like, I mean, I can, this kind of similar situation. I can picture my kids sitting and neighbor kids who had loved this child for 18 months sitting on our driveway, like sobbing as he had driven away. but also feeling like this immense relief as well, like holding those two things equally. So that was in December.

Rebecca & Stacy (14:53.405)
And in January, we got to go to our first parents retreat. And I can just remember sitting, there was worship music.

And just had this moment with my husband sitting on a couch in the quiet and I just was like weeping and weeping in a way that I hadn't done at home because I didn't really have the space to because life kept moving on. Love keeps moving. Yeah. so, and like I didn't have to manage my kids emotions while I was managing my emotions. I had this quiet place to do that. And then fast forward to, I guess a little, year and a half ago, I went to my first mom's retreat. And in that time of our journey with

with our foster daughter, we had just found out that she was likely going to be reunified with her dad, which was obviously the goal and was gonna be beautiful and wonderful, but it was also really hard because it probably wasn't a decision that I was gonna agree with, but I was doing it and obviously, it was gonna be okay. And the timing of being at that mom's retreat and being surrounded by people, again, who understood me and understood these emotions that I was wrestling with of like, this is inevitably going to happen.

And I don't really have control over it and I just have to believe that she's gonna be okay And I can talk through all of that with other people

you know, who got it and have the space and not have to worry about making, I mean, they always say like, Haven is a buffet. You don't have to do everything. Take what you want of the weekend. But if you want to miss something and just go sit by the water in the quiet, or if you want to eat chocolate all weekend, that's fine. Like here it is for you as much as you need and want. And I love that. Like that is a buffet. Take what you need and what you want.

Courtney (16:38.113)
Amazing. I love how you guys bring in the biological kids, because that's a huge heartbeat of mine, having three biological kids. Some of them were born and literally within the year we started fostering since then their entire lives. Our biological kids are 14, 16 and 18. And we started when our first born was four. So this whole time they've been part of that journey and it's, it is hard for them as well.

Rebecca & Stacy (16:50.765)
Go.

Courtney (17:03.617)
A lot of times people don't recognize that. They don't see the need to wrap around our biological kids. The things that they go through are very similar to what we go through, often at different levels or different, you know, different ties they had to the kids. And it's just right now we have a 14 year old son and a 14 year old placement. And it's probably been our hardest matchup of a couple of our kids just because their personalities and everything. And I, it's so meaningful when people recognize that he needs an outlet sometimes or he needs a break.

Rebecca & Stacy (17:33.358)
this.

Courtney (17:33.557)
So I'd love to hear like, what does that look like for the kids retreat? Is it an overnight thing? Is that kind of the same type thing? Or what does that look like for them?

Rebecca & Stacy (17:40.29)
You're about to put me right up on my stuff box, Courtney. I love talking about our bio kits because...

Travis (17:41.688)
Yeah

Courtney (17:42.997)
Yeah.

Rebecca & Stacy (17:48.382)
One, the first reason is we are asking children to do this. Like when somebody says like, I'm a foster parent, what's the number one thing that people say in public, right? I could never do that. I couldn't say goodbye. could never, like that's so hard, right? Well, yes, it is, but I'm asking my child, our kids were six and four, to do the same thing that we're asking adults to do with such little support, almost no support, right?

And just recognizing it off the bat is the first thing. So the first thing that any caregiver could do is just be honest, allow your children to have honest conversations with you at home, to say, this placement is really hard, or I'm struggling, I need more time with you. I need more one -on -one time with you than I'm getting. So...

Rebecca & Stacy (18:43.628)
That's, mean, I you didn't ask that question, but that is what people can do at home right now before a retreat happens. We do the same. have like, this year we kind of switched the name to like Haven Summer Camp or Haven Camp for kids. It's a weekend, just like we go out to this summer camp and we have a wildly good time. We're on the blob, we're on like a gigantic slip.

cyber playing glow in the dark kickball. We're doing all kinds of fun things and tucked in between the fun we're doing therapy.

So it is a huge emphasis on kids get to be kids and then a space where they can say, love this and I don't like this. Stacey's son is like the most precious kid. He comes and he's like, I just, it's just such a blessing to have these kids in our lives. And like, God has called us to like, he, he has such a generous heart and my kids are.

Travis (19:39.346)
Mm

Travis (19:51.922)
you

Rebecca & Stacy (19:52.614)
like, and I'm not trying to throw my kids into the bus, but my kids are like holding up their Me Too paddles and they're looking around in the back like, Mom, do you see that I feel ignored or I feel isolated at home or whatever it is? but we try to put counselors with the kids, like camp counselors that are themselves biological children in their homes. So they have, they have, right? Right?

Courtney (19:58.504)
you

Travis (20:16.498)
Wow, that's amazing, yeah.

Rebecca & Stacy (20:19.874)
Because what I want them to see is somebody who is an adult, who is healthy, who's emotionally stable, that there is so much hope and grace on this journey. And our parents need to see that too.

they need somebody that they can that they're looking up to naturally who can say hey me too. I felt like that in my home too. I felt like I was whatever whatever the kids say but at a campfire I mean are very I'm talking a long time about this answer but I did tell you that this was my soapbox. At a campfire the kids one kid said like I don't like to invite my friends over to my house because my house is so chaotic. They just kind of

Courtney (20:53.099)
Yeah.

Travis (20:54.482)
Haha.

Rebecca & Stacy (21:04.256)
said it out loud and another kid across the fire said, that's exactly how I feel. I don't like to invite people over. And then somebody else said, I feel like that too. I asked to go to my friend's house and they were the only people in their school that they knew who were fostered. Like they didn't have anybody else to say this to that was their peer, the community. So we have like, now we have like bio kids support groups that we're running where they get to come and they get to be kids and they get a space to

say how they feel and they get tools to support the work that is happening inside of their home. I will say my oldest is 14, my son that she's talking about. has gone to last three bio -kid retreats and the first one when I guess he was 11, like when asked what was your favorite part of this weekend? This weekend where it was the model has shifted a little bit so it was a little bit different then it was a little bit smaller scale but they were like camping and they went to the beach and they were doing all these things. What was your favorite part of the weekend? And he was like bye.

far it was the therapy. Like 11 years old, he loved it. He's been in the foster care world since he was three, right, with Travis and Josie. And so he was finally like at this place where he could talk to people who

understood him and could see him. we say what happened? Can we share that part of the story? don't remember. absolutely. He, we brought an art therapist that year. This is like one of my favorite things that has ever happened at a retreat and I might actually cry saying it. We brought in an art therapist and she had them using different paint colors to match up with feelings in their bodies and her son grabbed a color for anger and he started squeezed like he was squeezing

this painting. I've never heard history. And he said, yes I did then. told him. He said, she was giving them tools and he said, I never knew what to do with the anger that's in my body. And now I know that I have a way to get it out in this life with this art. I was like, sweet boy.

Courtney (22:54.986)
You

Travis (23:13.244)
That's incredible.

Rebecca & Stacy (23:17.186)
The first day that I met her, was like, my gosh, you're gonna see my kids. My kids could have this. That's why the tears. I need this, yes, but like, whoa. My kids will be seeing that this is absolutely needed. It's what they look forward to in the last three years. yeah.

Travis (23:24.355)
Mm

Courtney (23:38.795)
So Stacey, it's safe to say your whole family has been touched by Haven.

Travis (23:38.876)
Yeah, we need...

Rebecca & Stacy (23:44.66)
Absolutely, yes, for sure. And continue to be not just at retreats. The wraparound support for Haven families is incredible. Rebecca knows that a clean house helps me function. So literally for the last, I guess, eight months, probably if not longer, they send a lady that comes and cleans my house once a month. And it is the hugest blessing. It is the biggest blessing for me.

And that's just like a drop in the bucket. is random. I opened my mailbox the other day and I had gift cards for Chick -fil -A like, hey, just get dinner on us. Just little ways you're remembered, you're seen, you're loved, keep doing this hard thing that you're doing. They don't forget. The team is incredible. They think of things that I don't even know. I'm gonna get a nutshell. Like they think of things I don't even know that I need. My husband's been out of town for...

Travis (24:41.052)
Hmm.

Rebecca & Stacy (24:42.976)
eight days, she's insisting, please get a babysitter, we will reimburse a babysitter. I mean, just all of the things to love on people who are doing hard things and helping you keep doing those hard things.

Courtney (24:57.702)
I'm a little jealous listening to this.

Travis (24:59.141)
Duh, haha.

Rebecca & Stacy (25:00.874)
It needs to be everywhere. I told Rebecca, I was like, listen, I don't have a lot of money, but I can talk about Haven and I can tell people about Haven because it needs to exist in this world.

Travis (25:02.011)
The wha

Rebecca & Stacy (25:14.848)
I love it so much. I don't love speaking in front of people. And she had a big ask a couple years ago for the gala. She called me and was like, I know you're not going to want to do this, but will you please talk about it? going to be the biggest hardest thing I ever asked. Like, I don't speak in front of people. I said for Haven, that is, I will do it for Haven because I absolutely believe in it. So, much.

Travis (25:28.795)
No, haha.

Courtney (25:39.753)
says a lot about how much has touched your family and yourself.

Rebecca & Stacy (25:43.234)
Yeah, absolutely.

Travis (25:45.318)
Well, and I personally, you know, good friends with Stacey's husband, Matt, and it was in a former Marine. And, you think of a guy that's done. No, am I wrong or has he been? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I was like, maybe I'm just making that up. looking for validation, Stacey is he a Marine? But no, but I think of like, and I think, wasn't he a former police officer too? And like, great validation.

Rebecca & Stacy (26:13.686)
Yeah, sorry, yes.

Travis (26:14.876)
We're practicing. No, you did great. But I do think it does remind me of like, we had a conversation recently around with the webinar, America's Kids Belong has been doing on fostering wellbeing and how men often get neglected as well. You we've talked about the biological kids who kind of can slip to the backdrop or we don't realize, hey, even like, you know, having friends over and how weird that can be or embarrassing at times.

But men often talk about, know, a lot of us don't, we struggle to even know our emotions, name our emotions. There's kind of just a culture and mentality of guys being tough and resilient or whatever. But it was interesting to hear guys often talk about, like, they're never even asked how they're doing. Like it would always be, you know, cause that's just kind of our culture. So what, what have you kind of seen evolve and grow in sort of the, guys? I what's kind of a plug?

that you would say, Rebecca, to men about stepping up to this coming. Or Stacy as well, of like, yeah.

Rebecca & Stacy (27:16.888)
Yeah. Well, it is definitely harder for men to come. not that there's not, that it's available. have, like we just had our dad's retreat last weekend. It feels very vulnerable, I think, for them to come. Like, wait, I'm supposed to come to a weekend and I'm supposed to talk about my feelings all weekend and like.

Again, we have each retreat geared towards what that kind of retreat needs. So there's like, we will play football, like we'll have a football game on in the background at a retreat for guys, because it happens over the weekend during college football season. We assume that they're going to want to watch their game.

Rebecca & Stacy (28:01.864)
Guys come, generally speaking, the path for guys for it to be really successful is that the mom, the wife comes first, the couple comes together, and then the, then, then the guy feel the dad feels safe enough to come to the dad's retreat. Or the mom comes first and then she says, you have to go to the guy. Like you need to go talk to somebody. we're trying to build a program right now where it's like quick, like in a couple of weeks that we're going to send guys to top golf.

And like we've rented a couple bays, we're paying for drinks and food, you guys play golf and just be together. And hopefully in the being together, somebody says, well, this is, we have a couple plants there, right? Like we have a couple therapists playing golf. But just creating these spaces where...

Travis (28:46.598)
Haha.

Rebecca & Stacy (28:54.094)
where guys can talk to each other and they can build community. It is in community. community is vital to the wellbeing of foster and adoptive families. And so I'm constantly looking for how do we create community around these guys. And so at the parents retreat, we'll split them and we'll put the guys in a group because that might be the only time we get access to them. And so you guys need to go and you need to talk and without your wives present and you need to say,

hey, this is hard, holy work. And my family is, what a chaotic, my kids describe my family as chaotic. It's the number one adjective that they use to describe my family. So I'm gonna use that in their honor. And for the dad to say it's chaotic and I don't know how to fix it. don't like, right? don't, right? Travis, you want to.

Travis (29:46.994)
Yeah, fix all day. Let's open the hood. Let's get this thing figured out.

Rebecca & Stacy (29:51.18)
We fixed this, my husband and I were just having a conversation last night and I said something and he immediately started to fix it and I was like, I wanted a conversation.

And so we just start that conversation. A lot of it happens, I will say, for the dads at a parent's retreat first. Cause they feel safer. They have their person there with them. Also community days, like they do community days, like beach days for the family to go or Jack's Iceman, we have a hockey team. So like an Iceman day, like so there's community days where you can go as a family and meet, meet other people. I would say Matt is probably still a little reluctant. He hasn't gone to a dentist.

He hasn't done that yet. he needs to but But I think those community days also help foster that Yeah, like at the dads one we don't they don't sit in therapy They sit in groups like they don't but we had like this last one we had two therapists lead the weekend but take out the like

the vulnerability of it being sitting in therapy with therapists that you don't know, right? Like just more facilitating and we're gonna go on the same path. Where are you now? What do you need to grieve and what does hope look like for your family? sorry, Travis. They kayak sometimes or they do guy things on the weekend, so that opportunity is there for mainly fun together.

Travis (30:51.964)
Mm

Travis (31:06.94)
Man, I love that so much. No, you're good. I was just affirming how cool.

Travis (31:20.208)
Yeah. Well, it seems like your whole concept around Haven that so cool and beautiful and powerful is that it just seems like you have a light touch in places to have a light touch. Like let's just make space for people to feel comfortable, make the retreat what they want. We're going to have plants. There's going to be therapy happening, but you it's, done in a way that it doesn't for, it doesn't sound like it's, it feels really forced or overbearing or

almost overly kind of like therapeutic kumbaya. It's like a, I don't know. I it just really, I can imagine it just listening to it.

Rebecca & Stacy (31:56.064)
Can I tell about?

what we did on Saturday night. yes. OK, so at the last mom's retreat, there was like this event that you didn't know what it was. It like, bring if you want to again, buffet, bring a fun outfit if you want to wear a fun outfit for Saturday night. We have an activity. like, what is this activity? The control freaking me out. Rebecca, need to like you have so much. Just bring some. It's not. Don't stress out about it. Anyways, it was silent disco. And so there were there were all these moms who probably never let loose.

Courtney (31:59.563)
Thank

Rebecca & Stacy (32:27.232)
like this and it was so much fun. So much fun. We just in this room of don't know 35. Yeah and there were people who just wore headphones out on the couch like there was like they they wanted to hear the music but they didn't want to be in the room and then there were other people that didn't want anything to do with it and they all. Like everybody had the option but it was such a wonderful

Courtney (32:32.022)
Yeah.

Rebecca & Stacy (32:50.402)
Like I recorded myself singing Taylor Swift. was just me blaring the song and I texted to my daughter and she's like, what are you doing mom? I was like, I'm fun that I don't always get to have in my daily life. is so necessary. I'm an enneagram seven. So like fun is necessary. I judge my life based off of how much fun I'm having.

Courtney (32:59.297)
Yeah.

Travis (33:07.858)
Yep. Right.

Rebecca & Stacy (33:12.622)
And so if I'm not having fun, I'm like, my life is horrible. It's the pits. And I just, need to, you need to laugh. You need to laugh just as much as you need to cry. They're both healing. But no, you were right, Travis. Like the retreats are, we use the word buffet all of the time, but it's, and it's, but it's because when you're in a place of caregiver burnout,

you are the only person who knows what you need. All I can do is set a table for you. Your body's gonna tell you if you need to take a nap. You don't have that option the same way. Your body's gonna tell you if you need to be nourished. We have food out constantly at a haven retreat. Such delicious food. Eat healthy, eat, anyhow.

Listen to your body, do what it's asking you. Listen to your intuition. It's gonna lead you in the right place.

Travis (34:15.26)
Those are the best retreats too. It's the ones where, you know, you feel like you're at a retreat and can truly, it can be tailored into what you need rather than you get there and there's so many breakouts and it just, feels like it's so agenda driven that it's just almost like this isn't relaxing or helpful at all. It's like more stressful and yeah.

Courtney (34:16.639)
Yeah.

Rebecca & Stacy (34:23.352)
You have to follow the schedule.

Rebecca & Stacy (34:34.111)
And we, I'll tell you, we had one retreat where I sent people back home tired and I was like, never again. That is not, it was like the first parents retreat and I hadn't.

Courtney (34:40.085)
Hehehe.

Rebecca & Stacy (34:45.01)
I hadn't, I was working out the details and I hadn't set enough time for people to fight. And so, which sounds so weird out of context, but there were some hard conversations that needed to happen and they didn't have space at home for it. And I hadn't built rest into that weekend. So anyhow, we really, we really care deeply about rest at a retreat and to not drink from a fire hose, you know, like it's hard enough talking about your feelings all of the time.

They say rest food therapy Jesus. Like repeat. That's what the washroom is. I do want to clarify that our retreats are open to everybody. Like you do not have to be a Christian to attend a hateful retreat. That it's open across the board to everybody.

Travis (35:33.596)
Well, with that being said, and you've given us such a great picture of stories, examples of those retreats and kind of what it's looking like, the ingredients, Courtney is already saying needs to get out to Colorado. So tell us Rebecca, what are your plans going forward of how you see Haven or your dreams ultimately to see expansion beyond Florida in terms of mission or how it might change or grow?

Rebecca & Stacy (35:59.884)
Yeah.

That's a great question, Travis. I love that. I'm a dreamer. so our mission is to create sustainability in foster care and adoption. And truly to this day, I've never met a person that did not need Haven at some point in their foster or adoptive journey. You don't need it all the time, but certainly you need it at different intersections. And so my ultimate dream is for Haven to be nationwide and to have these little pockets of Haven, if you will,

around the country. the next 10 years, it's to be east of the Mississippi and to fill the space east of the Mississippi. This year, we're focusing on Florida and really raising awareness in Florida. But I will tell you that people come to Haven from all over. We've had people from...

Michigan, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, if somebody from Iowa reach out and contact us. So the retreats are open to everybody right now. They just exist only in Northeast Florida.

Courtney (37:06.005)
So how do people find out about that? People in Jacksonville and even people across the nation, how do they find out about your treats and what you have to offer?

Rebecca & Stacy (37:13.356)
Jacksonville has been largely word of mouth, though it has spread like wildfire through the foster and adoptive community here.

Georgia came from one person Googling us, Googling a therapeutic foster retreat. It doesn't really exist anywhere. So if you type in those words to Google, if you're like therapeutic care for caregivers, Haven comes up all of the time. It's not because our SEO is so amazing. It's because there's such a deep need and there's not that many resources. And so then that one person spread it through her community.

So it's just large, we're really making a huge effort right now to increase our digital footprint so people across America can find Haven. You can find us on our website, havenretreatsinc .org, or on social media, Instagram and Facebook, where Haven Retreats on there.

Courtney (38:16.725)
And I'm assuming you're on the Foster Friendly app. I don't check out all the other states all the time, but this is a great plug for people to recognize that we do have a Foster Friendly app. It's in many states right now, not everywhere, but you can check it out. You can see places like Haven Retreats and other great businesses and events, community resources in the states in which we have the Foster Friendly app. So I encourage all foster parents to check it out, see what we have. And there are also a lot of places that offer national discounts. So even if you're not in a state where we have

Rebecca & Stacy (38:19.192)
We are.

Courtney (38:45.151)
you know, a lot of things going on, there still are offers for you. So everybody should check it out. Again, the Foster Friendly app.

Travis (38:55.218)
I'm going to take us out with a quote by one of my favorite poets, Thomas McGrath. Very fitting when he talks about support here and how we all make it through life with help. He says, how could I have come so far and on such dark trails? I must have traveled by the light shining from the faces of all those I've loved. And Haven is definitely shining a light on lots of faces and hopefully even more. So thank you guys both so much for joining us in the podcast today.

Courtney (39:23.284)
Yeah, thank you.

Rebecca & Stacy (39:23.426)
Thank you for having us. Yeah, thank you.