Insights from birth children in a foster/adoptive home
“What if this ruins his life?”
I understand the question. It’s one my husband and I struggled with at the beginning of our fostering journey shortly after our first child was born.
We initially got licensed when Eli was an infant and then got scared it would hurt him, so we didn’t take any placements for another four years. We did a lot of short term respite, but kept putting off a long term placement, feeling we needed to protect our home.
I know many adults who were the bio children within a foster or adoptive home who say they would NEVER foster or adopt after what they went through, so I can’t speak for all foster families. But for us, it’s been a beautiful, hard journey that we wouldn’t change for anything.
In episode 33 of the Foster Friendly Podcast, I got to sit down with my two oldest biological children (but not our oldest children), Eli and Ayla, to have an honest conversation about their journey growing up as foster/adoptive siblings. They shared their hearts in such a vulnerable way, it brought tears to my eyes a few times.
Ayla shared that she most definitely plans to foster when she’s older.
“I want my kids to be able to learn these life values, how to be compassionate and patient, and how to get along with kids and even get along with the kids’ parents–to be able to grow friendships and relationships through it.”
And Eli shared that he feels it’s helped prepare him for what’s next in life, joining the Marines.
“It’s caused pain. It’s called heartache, but it’s caused growth. And it’s caused a deeper bond with people around you. It’s caused me to be able to go out into the world and see it in a completely new light. There are people all around us who need help and love and need to be wrapped around and the only way you can do that is through loving them like family. And that’s what foster care and adoption provides.”
It’s safe to say that fostering has not ruined my children. I truly believe it’s helped them grow into exceptional young adults who see the world from a different perspective due to the children and youth they’ve loved over the years. But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard on the entire family–it’s most certainly not all peaches and roses.
Watch how Eli and Ayla answer about the hard parts of fostering.
Check out the entire interview and other great episodes of the Foster Friendly Podcast!
