Episode 53 – One Year Anniversary of the Podcast: The Most Inspiring Moments and Stories

TRANSCRIPT:

Brian (00:01.119)
Hello, hello, welcome to the Foster Friendly Podcast. I’m your host Brian with my fully present co-host Courtney and Travis. Yes. Thank you for, we need some full presence today. You know that is such a good word that if you can describe someone in that way, I think it is a rare quality today.

Courtney (00:07.923)
Love it.

Travis (00:09.71)
Haha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Brian (00:29.811)
I’m guilty of not being fully present. you’re in the room and you’re thinking about something else. You’re looking at your phone. Man, what a rare quality. So thank you, you two, for being fully present right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was just a subtle hint, you guys. Noted, all right. Well, we’re doing something a little.

Travis (00:32.077)
Yeah.

Courtney (00:43.699)
Hmm.

We’ll see. Put the phone away. Coffee. Got it. Noted.

Travis (00:47.662)
Putting our phones away. Phone got, yeah, do not. That, it was.

Brian (00:59.571)
different today. We know a lot of times we have special guests on and once in a while we, the three of us will be the special guests and we’ll take on a topic. But today we’re doing things a little different in that we’re going to talk about our favorite highlights from the first year of our podcast and hard to believe it’s been a year and just going back and looking at them all is like, wow. Look, look what happens when you just stay disciplined and consistent. So

Courtney (01:20.669)
crazy.

Brian (01:28.885)
and, I’ve listened to, other podcasts. Sometimes they’re done at the end of the year, you know, towards the end of December and they’ll be like, here’s our, our favorite podcast of the year. And I enjoy those ones. And so I thought we do ours and not wait till the end of the year and just say, okay, we’ve got a year’s worth of podcasts. So, we’re doing that. So let’s, to, start with, who was the worst interview?

Courtney (01:55.443)
Brian Mavis. Easy.

Brian (01:55.677)
No, I’m kidding. yeah. That guy, that guy stunk. No, what’s, what is your funniest podcast memory that over the past year, you guys said anything come to mind of like, gosh, that was yes. Okay. Okay.

Travis (01:57.034)
man, that solo one you did, remember that one? yeah, that…

Courtney (02:02.267)
Yeah.

Travis (02:18.518)
The funniest.

Courtney (02:21.063)
I’m gonna go first before Travis steals mine.

Travis (02:23.19)
Okay, well, okay, here we go.

Courtney (02:26.233)
No, I feel like it’s probably because we know each other pretty well, but it’s like we have more bloopers with the three of us than we do when we have guests on.

Brian (02:26.677)
them.

Travis (02:34.894)
Yes.

Brian (02:35.381)
It’s ridiculous. I mean, yeah, our editor must hate it when the three of us do it. It’s like, well, I got to take out half of what you guys said. Yeah.

Courtney (02:45.058)
And I think last summer we had, we got pretty big lightning storms here up in the mountains and we had a lightning storm we were trying to record and so then we rescheduled it for a few days later and then you had a horrible cough. You could not stop coughing. So we rescheduled it again and I had a lightning storm again. We rescheduled this podcast like four times and kept on trying to record it and be like, boom, in the background and then Brian’s coughing. And it just, it was horrible. And it was like, we even supposed to be doing this?

Brian (02:52.113)
yes. Yes.

Brian (03:03.989)
Right, it was like, is this God trying to stop us or Satan? Like, it’s always tough to figure out.

Travis (03:04.098)
Ha ha ha ha.

Travis (03:08.974)
Right.

Courtney (03:10.867)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So.

Travis (03:15.552)
Yeah, no, that’s awesome. I I did have that. I had kind of a tie of two things. So like that scenario of like just being on with you guys, just a lot of funny moments. I remember like about every other episode I was hitting my mic by accident was like, we called that Gong Show. So that was some editing, which listeners may not hear, but.

Brian (03:31.55)
Yes.

Brian (03:35.445)
And if our listeners are not old enough, they don’t know what the Gong show is, but there is, yeah, it’s old, old game show. And there’s actually a movie about the character on who was the host of the Gong show who apparently use that as cover. his real job was a CIA agent.

Travis (03:40.259)
That’s true.

Travis (03:56.438)
Okay, I didn’t know that.

Courtney (03:57.075)
Interesting. Now I gotta go down that rabbit trail.

Brian (03:58.083)
yes, it’s fascinating. Now yeah, think, yeah, there’s a movie about it. I forget what it’s called, but yeah, whatever you’re hitting underneath your desk sounds like the gong on the gong show. And that usually, and again, for our listeners who don’t know what that meant, the gong meant whoever’s performing, you stink and need to get off. And so I would say something and then I’d hear the gong.

Travis (04:00.931)
Yeah.

Travis (04:21.983)
And…

Brian (04:25.703)
And I would be like, okay, Travis, thank you very much. Yeah. Right. Get off.

Travis (04:26.702)
okay. Exit stage left. So my only, my other one with that was kind of also along these lines of, but it was when we had you as in Brian and me on with Emily Cole from Savannah bananas and bananas foster. We, we, okay. Part of just cause the ridiculousness of it. I was wearing a banana hat for this. You were wearing a banana hat of another kind and eating a banana.

Courtney (04:30.716)
Yeah.

Brian (04:41.063)
Brian (04:46.869)
Hahaha

Brian (04:50.653)
Yeah, huh? Where is that?

Travis (04:53.216)
And I think my favorite moment was, I mean, we looked ridiculous, but I think was watching how long Emily could fight, not rolling her eyes because that was,

Brian (05:00.917)
She, you could tell. Yeah, she wasn’t like laughing. She was just like, boy. Yeah. Yeah. And I’m looking around. think Julie threw away my banana hat, which is, yeah, well, if you know my wife, that makes sense. So she’s got high taste. And so she was like, well, okay. So yeah, those were some fun moments. And I love the…

Courtney (05:01.085)
Yeah.

Courtney (05:08.061)
She probably gets it all the time, I’m sure.

Travis (05:09.986)
Yeah, yeah.

Courtney (05:13.575)
What?

Yeah.

Courtney (05:20.07)
Yeah.

Travis (05:20.728)
haha

Brian (05:28.095)
that we have the three of us because it does feel very relaxed and some of our best stuff is on the cutting room floor right now because… Yeah, yeah. All right, so beyond the funny stuff, what episodes did you find especially inspiring?

Courtney (05:38.163)
Because we’re fully present all the time.

Travis (05:39.822)
That’s true. Yeah.

Brian (05:55.269)
I don’t know if this one’s been released yet. Well, it’s actually kind of a back to back, it was a two parter. It was with Ashley Darrow and Selena Whitley. And then we followed up with Ashley and her son Ashton.

Travis (06:00.43)
Which one?

Travis (06:11.072)
Yes, yes.

Travis (06:19.36)
Yes, so by the time you’re listening to this episode that one those two will have happened

Brian (06:25.031)
Okay, yes.

Courtney (06:25.171)
And they are episodes 49 and 50. So if you want to reference that, 49 and 50, yeah.

Travis (06:27.662)
okay.

Brian (06:29.229)
Okay, I guess we’re out to, yeah, have 48, episode 48 up right now. So those two that I’m glad, yeah, by the time this one comes out, you’ll be able to listen to those two. That was a two parter and Ashley and Selena, that story of Ashley losing her child, Selena fostering, and then their journey together. And then the reunification. I mean, I thought that one was great. It was like, that’s gonna be hard to beat. Well, it turns out in my opinion that

Ashley and Ashton beat it. mean, Ashton bringing him in. He’s a young adult now. Man, those two are… I everybody in that story is just so mature and kind and humble and brave. It was gold. it can… You know, I just heard a horrible reunification story that ended in a child’s death.

It’s nice to hear this one that went so amazingly well. so the reunification is always hard, but there are some beautiful, beautiful ones. And Ashley and Ashton, you’re going to have to listen to that episode, which you said 50 on that one. 4950. Yeah. Listen to both of them.

Courtney (07:48.019)
49 and 50, yep. I love it. Yeah, it’s fun to go back. I I went through the whole lineup that we’ve had over the past year and kind of reflected a little bit. And it’s really hard to near down like things that are really inspiring because they really truly are. That’s the beauty of it is like pulling different people, know, the reunification stories and the heart stories and the other people behind the scenes.

But I really was encouraged by again, and actually one of our viewers, listeners gave me this idea. I spoke to somebody last week on the phone that said, I’ve listened to every single episode and the most inspiring to me have been the single foster dads. And I was like, wow, it’s so interesting to think that we’ve had three different single foster dads on this podcast in a year, which you don’t hear that too often. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. So we had, we had Peter, we had Barry and we had

Brian (08:23.061)
Hmm.

Brian (08:29.491)
I never even thought about that, right? Yeah.

Travis (08:31.288)
Yeah, I didn’t even know we did. I knew, okay.

Brian (08:34.191)
Wait, wait, so Peter?

Yes?

Courtney (08:39.815)
Kelly, what’s his Nick Kelly? Yeah. So.

Travis (08:40.042)
Nick Nicholas Nick okay wow okay

Brian (08:43.4)
Yeah. That is such a seemingly rare thing, and to hear these guys do it and do it so well. That is inspiring. Man, we’re better than I realized. We’re going to start a dating site.

Travis (08:53.71)
Huh. Man. Yeah. Oh, geez. That’s the formula. Just single guys that foster. So, right.

Courtney (08:53.713)
Yep, yeah, for sure.

Who needs moms?

Courtney (09:08.851)
Yeah. That might be one of the funniest moments.

Travis (09:09.388)
Well, and yes, yeah, that actually was part of Nicholas’s situation with America’s Kids Belong. But anyway, I’m with you guys. It was a cool way to reflect on the episodes. And I look back and even topically, we go from trauma to food to group homes to holidays to sleep. I mean, the diversity of topics covered, but.

Brian (09:11.475)
single foster dads.

Travis (09:35.542)
I think the common thread for me was, mean, sitting in so many these interviews, I feel so honored of just meeting people that are giving their lives to something that can be sometimes really hard, sacrificial, but in a way that their heart is just shining. I guess for me, it was just like, I can’t think of an interview that something inspiring wasn’t, you know, I didn’t walk away with something inspiring or being inspired from someone’s life. So, yeah. And,

Courtney (10:02.205)
Very true.

Travis (10:05.41)
But yeah, so that’s kind of my big picture of that.

Brian (10:09.941)
You know, another thing that I liked that I forget how early we started doing this, but we started ending every episode with a, asking our, when we’re interviewing, asking our guest to fill in the blank to a sentence. it was, we had asked people, finish this sentence. And it is what kids in foster care really need is blank.

And gosh, I think if we could get a volunteer to go through and listen to every one of those and collect them. I years ago, Julie and I, we binge watched went through 12 seasons of Call the Midwife and that is some of some of the best writing and TV and every episode ends with a kind of a summing up a reflection. And I’m telling you, they it could

it they belong in the book of Proverbs. I mean, it is just amazing stuff. And I think same thing what we’re hearing from our guests of like what kids in foster care really need is blank. And there’s some gold that just collecting those together would be in reading through them as a foster parent of like, just need to read through these every day.

Courtney (11:32.819)
Yeah.

Travis (11:35.694)
Yeah. And the idea is to, you know, at some point have more montages of stuff like that and put them together.

Courtney (11:44.199)
So Brian, you might’ve already answered this, but I’m curious if you guys could narrow it down to a favorite episode of the year.

Brian (11:53.597)
Yeah, gosh, like said, the Ashley and Ashton one, especially having it being set up by the episode before it was maybe a favorite.

But you know, I’ll say I know a fan favorite was Courtney, your kids.

They that that people love that one.

Courtney (12:17.573)
Yeah, and…

And I was gonna share it. And honestly, it’s not like this because it’s my kids. It’s not that at all. was, that is the number one question I get is what about my kids? And the kid, like the one son, he just left the Marines a few weeks ago. My daughter’s gonna be a senior. And to be able to sit down and interview them with honestly zero prep. We did not sit down and prep that. I gave them questions. Like they knew what I was gonna ask them, but I didn’t talk to them about it. It was very much like, we’re rolling. And I was nervous. I was like, what are they gonna say? Is it gonna be like, but is it gonna be like, like.

Brian (12:45.885)
Yeah, make me look good.

Travis (12:45.934)
They make me look good.

Brian (12:50.48)
You

Courtney (12:50.515)
I told them, I was like, want you guys to be 100 % honest. And I was like, are they going to say, yeah, this really has ruined my childhood or, you know, and that’s not what they said. And to hear them speak from their hearts, it just was touching as a mom, but also just reassuring when, you know, we feel like we’re doing the right thing. We feel like this is what we’re supposed to be doing. I was like, ah, but, it just was that reassurance I needed as a mom.

Brian (13:10.805)
Okay, that one is episode 33, right?

Travis (13:16.344)
That sounds right. There’s someone in there. Yeah. Okay. Double checking.

Courtney (13:18.515)
I’ll make sure.

Brian (13:18.673)
Yeah, I think it is. Yeah, so I think, yeah, I printed out a list of episodes. And so if you guys are interested in that one, it’s a fan favorite, Courtney’s Kids and what it’s like teens growing up in a foster adoptive home. That is episode 33.

Courtney (13:34.983)
Yep.

Travis (13:35.374)
That’s and that’s what I I had put that down as you know, I think I told Courtney this later, but I just listening to that and You know, I don’t know your kids personally but hearing it was unbelievably real and inspiring I mean just because you know because you guys didn’t shy away from The gritty and the things that were hard on them or that, you know almost you wish didn’t happen or whatever and yet to hear like both of your kids

talk about how they were so shaped. And then your son goes on the Marines and how even like in the future, like they may foster or adopt or, but like just the impact that made on them and the insights they shared as high schoolers. mean, it was just unbelievable. And then I guess I kind of also to what you said, Brian, Ashley and Selena, the reunification ones, but Ashley and her son Ashton, I’m not a crier. And this is another thing.

I don’t know if you guys cried. mean, Brian, I know your eyes have welled some. can tell Courtney not. OK, that was my that I can remember my first tear up of I just I got my voice was cracking when I was trying to say something that was. Those youngins.

Courtney (14:37.108)
I’ve teared up a few times. Yeah.

Courtney (14:47.459)
Mmm. These young adults, these youngins, we need to maybe get some more teens.

Brian (14:52.337)
Yeah, yeah, I do wonder if we ought to try to find more of those. And we definitely have, you know, a few of those voices of former foster youth or foster siblings, things like that. And so, of course, those are special because so much, you know, they’ve lived it and as a child, as a youth. So those are are big ones.

Courtney (15:05.33)
Hmm.

Brian (15:19.733)
You know, I did a thing where in prep for this, I took all the episodes and I like try to put them in categories and like, okay, how are these shaping up? And so I would say the ones that we’ve done the most of, I would call personal journeys and testimonies. so again, it’s these people that we’re interviewing and they’re just sharing their stories. And then,

kind of a subcategory of that, its own thing is the voices of youth. And we have a few of those. We have a category I would call supporting and sustaining foster families. And we’ve got quite a bit of those. We have adoption, reunification, and permanency category. We have church and faith and community engagement. We’ve got probably like about 10 of those that would fit.

And then just kind of a category just call kind of the systemic experts of like more on the child welfare side of things. And then the sibling and kinship care category, a teens and older youth in care category and a special needs therapeutic medical care category. so there’s a big variety there.

for people to dig into and So it just was yeah, I I you know, I just I’d never done that I just you know show up for the podcast of the week and it was like gosh Let’s see how these lay out. Yeah So I’m curious it have you Felt like Doing this has how has it?

Travis (16:51.096)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (16:56.456)
Haha. Haha, right.

Courtney (16:56.691)
What are we doing?

Brian (17:13.951)
fed you, guess. would put like, have there been times when, you you coming into this, like, is it draining you after each one of these? Or how are you feeling?

Courtney (17:27.935)
selfishly, I mean, it truly feeds me. mean, as a current foster family, foster mom, to be able to hear stories again, I know I say this a lot, but it goes back to my why, and it helps me remember my why when I hear other people’s why, it’s like, keep going. But also, like some of those episodes that some of my favorite ones have been the ones on food and the ones on sleep, the things that I still struggle, you I have these struggles in my home, and I feel like I’m getting kind of some therapy when I’m sitting on this, you know, some education, things I know, but I need to hear it over and over and over again.

Brian (17:31.102)
Hmm.

Brian (17:47.293)
Yes!

Travis (17:51.746)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Brian (17:55.893)
Yeah, I’ve been surprised by how much I’ve impacted by that too, because I’ve thought, oh, this one’s just going to be kind of really like remedial 101 level. And then I’m like, golly, I’m so glad we did that when you forget how important some of those just simple foundational things are of like, hey, kids, they need consistency, they need food, they need sleep. It’s like,

Travis (18:03.918)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Travis (18:22.84)
Mm-hmm.

Brian (18:26.069)
And then, know, I come away thinking, I think I need a nap and a snack too. And it’s surprising. I’ve been surprised by how much those ones impacted me as well.

Courtney (18:30.353)
Yeah. Protein every two hours. Yeah.

Travis (18:30.51)
Right. Yeah, stay hydrated.

Travis (18:45.038)
Yeah, that’s a great question of being fed. mean, personally, well, Courtney and I both work in the marketing side of America’s Kids Belong and also like apart from just our own personal lives, like we’re in a space where I think it is about awareness and creating opportunities for people to connect with the mission of foster care and things like that. so,

to kind of be fueled by this podcast through inspirational stories and meeting real people, doing heroic work for me in sort of the realm of marketing, it just feeds that. Like, yeah, mean, this is, whether you want to say doable, solvable, fixable, sustainable, with people that we’re seeing and meeting, wow, doing great things that many people may never see, know, behind the scenes that amazing things are happening.

Brian (19:40.307)
Yeah. And I would like to take that and like the behind the scenes thing and like have people pick, you know, peek behind the scenes of why we’re doing this podcast. And it’s, more than one reason. And so when we were just even thinking about this podcast, you know, I had it in my head for a few years. We have another person on staff who does our editing. They had some podcasting experience. It was interesting. Both of you guys were really pushing it.

let’s share a little bit with our listeners, what kind of the multi motivation is of doing this podcast. Who, who, wants to pick one?

Courtney (20:23.123)
I think you just think of our two main focuses of recruiting and retention and how deep those two things are. We can say that, that sounds so easy, recruiting and retention, but they are layers upon layers and they hit so many different people. When we think of recruiting, you think of that’s just the foster parents, but we can’t recruit foster parents without recruiting help. We can’t retain foster parents without the help and without the church and the businesses. And so there’s so many people and

Travis (20:23.288)
Yeah. No, go ahead, go ahead.

Brian (20:31.175)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Courtney (20:52.197)
Really, that’s my thought behind the podcast is people understanding that it takes a lot of people to make a change, a systemic change, and we need a lot of people. And that could be fostering, that could be something else. that’s what I hope people get out this is I might just be listening so I have a better understanding of foster care. I might be listening because I have a son or daughter who fosters. Whatever it might be, I want people to see that they’re part of this equation that is needed across the nation by so many individuals.

Brian (21:00.681)
Mm-hmm.

Brian (21:22.643)
Yeah, that’s a great summation. Really good.

Travis (21:23.042)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And similar to that, but I would say like, and I, I’ve, think I said this at the Genesis of the podcast launch was, you know, as you think of foster care, it’s the space that largely either has a narrative that no one knows about. It’s this sort of marginalized space or as a place that the only other narrative known is the brokenness.

Brian (21:42.729)
Mm-hmm.

Brian (21:49.621)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (21:49.868)
the overburdened system, the stories that may have been disrupted placements or just kind of the collateral damage of it. And those are all true things. But it’s also a space of changing that narrative. And I think that what this podcast for me has been in a year has been the showcasing of like kind of like fireworks of like, these are the lights, these are the places and spaces people are showing up.

Brian (22:06.037)
Hmm.

Travis (22:18.118)
and making amazing change and, and not just for the space of foster care, but even just generally, like I think as Americans, we’re starved for anything that’s inspiring, anything that’s bigger than ourselves. And one of my favorite lines by a writer, Paul Coelho is that the world has changed by your example, not your opinion. This podcast is, is not, I mean, we just definitely discuss topics, but it’s largely driven by people that aren’t just like,

you know, putting out their opinions of what should change. They are doing it. They’re living it. And that’s that’s inspiring.

Brian (22:54.057)
Yeah, that’s really good, Travis, that foster care is either just not talked about or when it is, it’s not a good talk. And show so many examples of positive things happening and helping our listeners know that they’re not alone, that there’s our hopeful, inspiring stories out there. And there’s a lot of resources. And I’d say, for me, one of the motivations was

Courtney (22:54.397)
them.

Travis (23:12.12)
Mm-hmm.

Brian (23:21.397)
I’m a big believer in collaboration and that we can get a lot more better accomplished by supporting each other, cheering each other on, pointing to each other. was one of my hopes, was just meeting other people and shining the light on their work. Which is similar, I guess, to what you’re saying. was like, hey, let’s share it.

share the good stories that are going on out there. yeah, and they’re again, amazing ones, just from teenagers who’ve lived it to people with doctorates who’ve been in it for 40 years and people who’ve started nonprofits, people who are helping churches, people who are helping individuals, people who are learning about trauma. There are a lot of bright lights out there.

Travis (23:56.952)
Yeah.

Travis (24:21.184)
Yeah. Well, and I was just going to add to this wasn’t a thing at the outset of it for me, but I’ve come to realize and see this, that wanted to tell us to you too, was that, you know, first Brian is just that, I I’ve always been inspired by you, your leadership, your, you just have, you have so much wisdom to share. And it’s been awesome to be on this podcast to where, you know, you’re getting to, to, I guess other, a broader audience gets to experience.

Courtney (24:21.935)
Yeah.

Travis (24:50.99)
You know, kind of just some of your insights, your leadership insights, know, just, you know, your mantras. I love that so much and, uh, been cool to be firsthand with that. then Courtney, you know, this last, one of the recent episodes, but just on our talk on reunification was such a powerful reminder to me of like your deep and vast experience as a mom, foster mom, living this out, adoptive mom, and a recruiter and all of your wealth of experience that when you share insights,

into some of these topics like reunification or things that can be polarizing or hard to understand. There is something really powerful of that your voice is in this podcast. yep. So yeah. Yeah.

Courtney (25:33.135)
Thanks. Yeah.

Brian (25:33.333)
Thanks Travis, that was very kind. I’m honored to be with you two, or the real deal.

Courtney (25:42.915)
Yeah, and Travis, you too. I love your quotes. You always got a quote every episode. You got a quote you bring to it and you. He’s. Yeah. And what our listeners might not know is I actually was I don’t know if you guys even remember this, but I think I was asked to be on the podcast like two weeks before it started. Maybe it was a little bit longer, but it was like within weeks of it starting, I was like, OK, I didn’t even know it was like video podcast as well. So I like showed to the first one thing, it’s all audio and they’re like, no.

Travis (25:44.494)
That’s my niche, I just the quote.

Brian (25:47.913)
Travis Travis gets quotes. He’s got he’s he’s our little philosopher on the team

Travis (25:52.078)
There we go. That’s it. That’s my thing. Yep, you’re right. So thanks. Yeah, I like that.

Travis (26:03.982)
Yeah, it was a… it wasn’t a lot.

Brian (26:04.469)
You

Brian (26:10.261)
You

Courtney (26:12.699)
this is video like what who watches podcasts yeah yeah no clue I didn’t know a lot about it I just okay I’ll do this jump on board

Travis (26:14.72)
I didn’t know that. I didn’t know that, that you didn’t know even, wow.

Brian (26:21.597)
Yeah, yeah, I think Travis and I got onto a video, looked at each other, we need a woman. There’s too much ugly baldness going on right now.

Travis (26:26.37)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

Travis (26:32.302)
But that also has been, I feel like, just a great mix of just having a female presence also, or a male female together or whatever, or depending on the guests. It’s been cool.

Brian (26:46.301)
Yeah. And again, I all project a little bit. mean, I love listening to podcasts about topics that I like, but then if they’re good podcasts that have a few people on it, you really start liking the community of the people that are there. You’re like, you know, so and so and their life and wonder, you know, what’s going on. And so it’s weird. You started getting a little voyeuristic about the host and stuff. hopefully people are hoping, hopefully people are feeling for us and

Travis (27:01.08)
haha

Travis (27:04.941)
Hahaha

Courtney (27:05.532)
You

Courtney (27:09.655)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Travis (27:10.126)
I’m out.

Not stalking, no stalking, but we’re not that cool.

Brian (27:15.957)
Not stalking, yes, not stalking. yeah, we want just appropriate care and interest. So speaking of our listeners, they’ve got some questions for us. And so we thought we’d take this episode as well to answer a few of them. So one of the questions that we receive commonly and frequently

is how do you develop a support system with other foster parents?

Courtney (27:49.427)
And it’s hard. know it’s really hard. It’s not easy. I think most counties, I would suggest going to the county or the agency that you work with and asking them, hey, could we create a directory of the foster families? Is there a foster Facebook group for our county? And some counties won’t do that. Some will. Some want to make sure one of their county workers is on that group. But I’ve seen that happen more often than not where a county worker will start a Facebook page and they’ll

Brian (27:51.207)
I mean, start off with that. It’s not easy.

Courtney (28:19.623)
grab them all, put them all in there together. I’ve been in everywhere I’ve fostered so far. And it is just an easy way to connect on the day to day. Like just yesterday, somebody posted, there’s this event going on. We should all try to meet up and take the kids there. And just that easy, non-committed in a sense way of being supported. And then support groups. mean, nowadays they are way more common and I think they are pretty much anywhere. But if it’s not in your area, look into starting a support group.

Brian (28:38.281)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (28:48.539)
Even asking your county, our county runs their own support group and the county workers do it and tell them like, this is something our foster families need. Would you guys consider starting a support group for us or finding somebody that would start this for us so we could have this time together?

Brian (29:00.425)
Right. Some churches have it. And by the way, my computer just went to 1 % battery. So you guys carry on while I plug it in.

Travis (29:07.35)
All right, cool. We can do that. Do we want to talk on this part about, I guess, the resources we have on that, probably?

Courtney (29:20.677)
Yeah, yeah, I think it’d be great. You could even on the app, the support groups are often listed on the app and we’re trying to get more support groups. So could, you could mention that and then saying like, Hey, if you run a support group and it’s not on the app, we encourage you to, to fill the form to get on the app so people can find you as well. Cause that is a big thing with app.

Travis (29:38.656)
OK. And then also, didn’t we develop our own PDF stuff? Or what is it? Grub? So maybe do you just want to say that resourcing side of this stuff too? Because I’m just not as OK, cool. I don’t know where we left off. We’ll edit all that, but yeah.

Courtney (29:48.807)
support group guide.

Courtney (29:54.941)
Sure, yeah.

Brian (30:02.709)
So yeah, so check churches that have it, check your county that has it. And if you don’t have anything, be the person who starts one. And either through your church, through your county, just start taking the next easiest steps to say, like to not be alone and have a group together. And then what resources might we have on our website that people can go to to help them?

Courtney (30:25.191)
Yeah.

Brian (30:32.863)
Get started.

Courtney (30:34.363)
We do have a support group guides, the guide to starting a support group. So that’s accessible and we can link it in the show notes for this as well. And then also in the app, the Foster Friendly app, if you don’t already have it, download the app. If you are running a support group, that’s a great place to list it so other people can find you. So go into the app, see if there’s support groups in your area. They’ll often be found underneath the events tab. So there’s businesses, there’s community supports, and there’s events also on our app. And the events would be where you’d find like, there’s a support group that meets in my area.

first Tuesday of the month, whatever it might be. And again, list them if they’re not on there. And also one thing I wanna mention that kind of gets tied into this is mentorship. If you are, you your first year, even two, three years of fostering, I highly encourage you to find a family within your area that has been fostering longer than you have and ask them, just ask them, like, hey, are you willing to mentor us? And that doesn’t mean you have to get together all the time, but like have them on speed dial where a placement comes in, you’ve got a question, that person can be your go-to main support system. And I have found that.

Brian (31:12.789)
Hmm.

Brian (31:21.513)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (31:34.115)
super helpful for myself, for new foster families, and just something that I encourage anybody to do.

Brian (31:37.777)
you’ve been a great mentor. A lot of other people too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the next question isn’t phrased as a question. So I’m just going to read it and have you guys interpret it. It says changes you’ve gone through with the system since the beginning. But how would you frame, maybe reframe that and answer that?

Travis (31:40.27)
That’s a great idea. That’s very needed. Yeah.

Courtney (31:43.571)
for sure.

Brian (32:04.915)
Are they referring, I assume they’re referring to the foster care system.

Courtney (32:08.497)
Yeah, I’m thinking the red tape, yeah.

Travis (32:08.712)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that’s what I take it as. And so I’m just going to say I have not been a part of the boots on the ground fostering scene for quite a few years. So I can’t speak on that one from direct experience.

Courtney (32:23.155)
I think we covered some of this in our reunification one that we did. So was the first one in June that was released of the three of us talking about reunification. We talked about, you know, the family’s first act and how that kind of tied into reunification and the changes in reunification, the changes in the push to kinship, you know, and how these things often we see in the cyclical where it’ll flip this way for a little while. We’re really focusing on, you know, the kids first, the families first, and then they might see, oh, well, something there’s not working. So it’ll flop a little bit.

You know, and I’ve seen this over the 17 years where it kind of will focus on one thing and then we’ll start focusing on something else. And sometimes that’s good. And I’m not saying that was bad, but I think just what I see in that is the system is so messy and maybe even could say a little messed up, but that’s just the nature of what it is that I don’t think there’s like a crystal clear answer of this one thing is going to change the system and make it this perfect system. So I think we’re always going to see this. Like, I think we’re going to constantly see shifts.

as we see changes in needs and we see changes in our nation, everything, I think it just all affects it.

Brian (33:26.345)
Yeah, we’re not working with a population of, let’s start a nonprofit that focuses on valedictorians. It’s like, no, we’re focusing on youth who’ve been born or started life in extremely hard places. the nature of that makes it tough. then it’s complicated.

Travis (33:26.798)
through.

Travis (33:34.638)
you

Brian (33:53.813)
you know, all relationships are complicated, but you know, when the government gets involved and all the rules there and there’s other groups that are wanting to help and it gets tough. And I will say, uh, you know, I agree that in the 20 years that I’ve been more intimately involved and, uh, and, watching even my own daughter go through this, uh, very intimately here recently, that the system, uh,

is always course correcting and they tend to, it seemingly, you know, from my point of view, instead of driving straight down the road and again, cause it’s hard and complicated, there’s a lot of over-correcting and they’re almost driving into a ditch and then they over-correct the other way and go into the next ditch. It seems lately that the system has,

Travis (34:47.032)
Hmm.

Brian (34:52.863)
for good motives and for some good reasons, really work towards not having kids placed or really getting them back into reunified situations. Again, one of our favorite podcasts is a successful reunification. But it’s gotten to the place where I’ve heard even caseworkers now say, we’re just gonna have to wait till some kids die. And unfortunately, again, I’ve just heard a one.

Courtney (35:16.659)
Mm.

Travis (35:16.738)
Mm.

Brian (35:22.927)
And it’s not like in the news, it’s something that actually is a former staff member who just has gone through it. So it’s a hard, hard, hard place for foster families, for biofamilies, for kinship families, for social workers. And I wish there would be an easy way to steer this thing right down the middle of the road.

or in the safe lane rather than always course correcting into one ditch or another. It’s hard. And the best way to improve it is to get involved and not to say, I’m out. Make it better. Step in and make it better.

Courtney (36:01.683)
Mm.

Courtney (36:09.299)
Yeah, the lady I referenced earlier who just told me I just listened to every single episode, I finished listening to all of them. She was a caseworker in Texas and now is a foster mom and we had a phone call because she wants to come on and talk kind of about some of the changes she’s seen. And that’s her big thing is we need people to stick with this. And she now wants to mentor people how you can stick with this, even though you might not agree with certain things and why that’s so important. So that’ll be a future episode that I look forward to doing.

Again, just encouraging people, like we need people to band together and stick with it.

Travis (36:37.997)
No.

Brian (36:40.915)
Yeah, that’s again, one of my original motivations for starting AKB was we just need to get more and better people involved and squeeze this thing into a better mold. mean, it there’s a saying in politics is that people are policy. And what that means is, well, you’re to get the policies you get by the people you put in in charge. And so.

Travis (36:51.502)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (37:06.85)
Yeah.

Brian (37:08.745)
Well, if we get better people into foster care, whether they’re, they don’t have to be working in social work, but they could just say, Hey, I’m, I need this. How about this idea? I need you guys to do better. I need you to whatever. It’s people who are not doing it for the measly stipend, but they really, really care about the kids and they care about their wellbeing. So, for, yeah, even though it’s hard, messy, they tend to over-crack.

get in there and make sure that you’re the kids that and families that you’re connected to, they’re having the best possible outcome and experience that they can have. What, again, this one is a broad, broad question. Anything you wish you did differently?

Travis (37:49.592)
Yeah.

Travis (38:00.536)
Hmm.

Brian (38:02.463)
Like with the podcast, with my life, with the…

Courtney (38:03.987)
I think it was for fostering. These were questions.

Travis (38:04.078)
I think we just I mean I Okay Well, I did say in my thing because we put some things on social media and it was like our bios and then and I remember saying ask me anything Ask us anything so it may not be just take it out you I wish I would have had a better exercise regime in my 30s. Okay There we go I’ll say in terms of foster care for

Brian (38:16.757)
Yeah. For sure.

Travis (38:34.254)
myself because I was really reflecting on this kind of thinking of that of like, okay, what? And so I’m a bit of an outlier, even among the three of us in the sort of experience of like, you know, my primary direct foster care experience was in a group home scenario, a residential congregate home that had a vast array of support services built in community, built in therapy, you know, built in recreation. I mean, it just, it was sort of this.

I mean, in a way a bubble, is not the typical experience of, you know, an individually licensed foster home. Though we truly were, you know, in that sense, foster parents of up to six kids. so it’s hard to look back of what we couldn’t control or what, I guess we had just such an array of things, you know, that just were there for us and it was really an effective place.

I think for me, it was more rewinding further back in my life and going, I wish, this doesn’t maybe quite answer this, but I wish I was more of aware of the issue earlier because I think of like, in my mid twenties and earlier, like in St. Louis, where I came from, we had a vibe, a really vibrant small group in our church that my wife and I were part of, like, I dunno, 10 other couples that were really active and really looking for.

ways to get engaged with stuff. And I was like, man, if we would have been more aware then of, you know, issues around foster care, what our group could have done, you know, more and stuff like that. But that’s my answer for that.

Courtney (40:08.36)
Hmm.

Brian (40:08.553)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (40:12.145)
Yeah, I love that. I think what I think about fostering specifically, mine is learning earlier on that I, I I knew we didn’t have to say yes to replacement, but I kind of felt pressured at times. I felt like, there’s this need, we got to just say yes and not really assessing.

Brian (40:27.103)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (40:32.211)
every situation to see if it’s best. It’s different now that we’re an on-call family because we get all the kids, you know, if they come in after hours that we automatically get them until they figure out where they’re going. So that’s a little bit different than a long-term placement. you know, accepting those long-term placements and making it for the long haul, being there for as long as they need really goes back to being able to say no from time to time, and that’s hard. We actually have a girl in our home right now, one of the…

Brian (40:48.725)
Thank

Brian (40:54.986)
Yeah.

Courtney (40:58.963)
probably the hardest kid we’ve ever had. I mean, she’s living in her home three nights now. But it’s very short term, it’s an emergency thing. And they’re trying to find a home for her. And I’m telling them, like, please, please listen to me. She does not belong in a home with any younger children. And there’s a lot of reasons why. And I’ve been doing this for a long time. I wrote this email this morning saying, this is my personal slash professional opinion. Like, can I say professional if you’re fostering for this long?

Travis (41:16.472)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (41:23.054)
Yeah.

Brian (41:23.511)
Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Courtney (41:25.809)
Like, please hear me. There are major reasons she should not be in a home with younger kids. And I hope they’ll listen. But that’s other thing is like speaking your voice sometimes into some of those situations that I think sometimes as foster parents, feel like, I can’t really say much. I just got to say yes. And I’m just like this little teeny piece of the puzzle. It’s like, no, you really can advocate for yourself and for other kids.

Brian (41:45.673)
That’s the perfect example. You’re illustrating right now what I was trying to communicate of like, we just need good people who will step up, who will speak up for the best experience and outcomes of these kids. And you’re like giving your really good old pro advice of like, hey, I’ve been around this youth for the sake, her sake and everybody else’s sake needs to be in a family without younger kids. I mean,

Travis (41:45.998)
Hmm.

Brian (42:14.065)
It’s that kind of stuff that can change the trajectory of everyone’s lives. so that’s the kind of thing I would say. And so I want to take that and say this was an example that was asked or a question that was asked. But instead of what would you do differently? You’re illustrating Courtney here right now. What did you do right? Looking back, what did you do right? You spoke up.

Courtney (42:19.654)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (42:35.635)
Speak up.

Courtney (42:39.365)
Yeah, be an advocate, an advocate slash educator. I did not realize when I started fostering how much I would educate other people. And that came on, you know, well before I worked for AKB. That was just part of my role of educating others what their needs are, what this means, what we don’t need, what they don’t need, what to say, why not say, like all that stuff. I had no clue that was gonna be a major role of my life.

Travis (42:39.416)
Hmm. That’s great.

Travis (42:46.83)
Hmm.

Brian (42:47.022)
Mmm. Yeah. Yes.

Travis (42:59.266)
Hmm. Wow. Well, that’s a, the thing that I hear in that too, is that’s the sad part of the attrition factor because so much then of your education, mentoring and equipping came from your experience. Cause you still were able to keep going and foster and you know, there’s that tension between, course, you know, if, things are hard and whatever, stepping out and taking care of yourself, that’s we’re cheering that on. But however, like when good families just can’t last, then they don’t have the experience or the

Brian (43:01.086)
Yeah, yeah.

Travis (43:28.512)
I guess the opportunities to teach that you are because you are able to keep going.

Courtney (43:34.321)
Hmm.

Brian (43:35.455)
So Travis Courtney, what she’s done right is speak up and educate. What would you say you did right?

Travis (43:45.186)
Well, that’s a good one. Good question.

Brian (43:47.701)
I actually, if you can’t come up with an answer, I’ve got one for you, I think. No, but you did.

Travis (43:51.914)
Okay, well, you let me let me hear your answer and then I can see if I even have anything else.

Courtney (43:51.923)
Let me hear your answer.

Brian (43:58.197)
I love what you did with the kids when it came to playing and working and fixing bikes. I just, I think those kids and what you discovered there of not only just like, hey, let’s go out and ride our bikes, but like, let’s learn how to repair a bike. Like have a skill, have some pride in knowing how to take care of something.

I just love that you did that.

Travis (44:31.63)
Thanks. I actually that I was just talking about that story recently to someone else of, I actually have a picture in the hallway of that, of it’s showing the kids sitting around with bikes, wrenching and they’re, elementary, middle school. And, know, and we also built mountain bike trails. Yep. And, and I think that looking back and so some of this is, I think the important thing that we want to say here too, is some of these things that you’re doing may be instinctual that

Brian (44:46.886)
Yes.

Travis (45:01.214)
Don’t don’t second guess sometimes your gut and that the gifts that you brought prior to even foster care experience because you know, I did work in mental health. I worked with a lot of kids with mental health issues and just self-esteem issues and all that became prior to foster care. And I took into some of that stuff of just like what empowers kids? What are things I remember one time, you know, with the group home, what would happen often as if one kid got really triggered by something.

Brian (45:04.916)
Yeah.

Travis (45:28.93)
Maybe it was he wasn’t going to go home or something. And then you just see a quick domino effect. And I remember sometimes, and this isn’t the bad side of being in group care is that then all of sudden destruction could rain everywhere. Like kids were just breaking stuff and just, cause everyone was kind of almost reciprocating that like sense of like panic, even though it wasn’t maybe their thing. And I remember one time getting the kids together and just saying, guys, you are better than this.

Courtney (45:38.779)
I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t be upset with the story.

Travis (45:54.542)
Let’s go. mean, I understand. I’m not trying to like say you shouldn’t be upset with your stories or hard things. Let’s take this and channel us. Let’s go to the woods and build trails. Let’s like we don’t have to break our TVs. Like let’s go. You know what I mean? And that kind of got these boys at the time to just like, yeah, we can still be mad. We can still be, but let’s channel our energy into something and then have fun with it. You know? And so I think it was like, for me, it was like those weren’t necessarily planned things. They were just happened because I guess I felt that.

Courtney (46:00.051)
Let’s take this and channel it. Let’s go to the world with the world trail. If we don’t have to break our TV, let’s go out. You know what I mean? And that kind of got me forward at the time. It’s like, yeah, we can still do math, but let’s channel our energy.

Travis (46:22.712)
but also the sense of humor a lot of just like, I remember I had this way of calming kids down just by helping make them laugh. That wasn’t like a ton of, like I didn’t gain that from training as much as I just like, that was an instinct of like the kids like rattled. I mean, he can’t even think right now. If we can get some separation from those feelings and get calm and safe, kind of like what Courtney talks about her husband, Bobby doing, it was just like, so anyway, I think those are two examples of like,

Brian (46:39.252)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Brian (46:48.138)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (46:52.62)
What about you, Brian? mean, when you look at like, what did you do well? Looking back.

Brian (46:57.653)
I would say I…

provoked the church. I told the church, you guys have got to get serious about this and when it gets hard, you got to get better. And a lot of it had to do with scriptural mandates and the idea that what this kind of work entails is not transactional, it’s transformational. It requires relationships. It requires you getting close, being fully present.

And that it was also strategic. mean, that’s one of the things that captivated me was like, gosh, mean, yes, we could get involved in all sorts of important things, human trafficking, mental health, hunger, homelessness, addiction, crisis pregnancy, and thank God for ministries that are doing and addressing those issues. But wouldn’t it be good and even better if we went upstream and gave these kids safe, healing families?

so that they wouldn’t need those ministries 10 years down the road because kids are the leading pipeline to so many of those issues. And so it was to get the church to step up. so has it gone as well as I hoped and as broadly as I wish? No and no, but it’s the thing I did right.

Travis (48:24.334)
Mmm.

Travis (48:28.392)
then I’ve always been inspired by that. Yeah, for sure. And continues to be. Yeah.

Courtney (48:28.723)
Inspirational, yeah.

Brian (48:31.285)
Yeah. Well, Travis, again, thank you for the kind words you said to Courtney and me. I know Courtney and I say the same thing. And to our listeners, we are grateful that, I mean, if you’re listening to this podcast, then I don’t believe it’s by accident that personally, no matter what you believe, I believe that God is stirring something in your heart.

and maybe you’re new to this and maybe you’re an old pro, but either way, we’re grateful for you listening. And if you want to go back and listen to other podcasts of ours that you have not listened to, you can find an archive of them. If you go to americaskidsbelong.org website, there’s tabs at the top. There’s one called fostering and you click on that and there’s all sorts of resources.

there and a few few down is called the Foster Friendly Podcast. You click on that and that’ll take you to the archive of podcasts that we have there. And so also if if you’re interested in a topic that we haven’t covered, go ahead and share with us. You know, could you please cover that topic? Or if you know someone that you think we should interview?

and that person is a friend of yours or you don’t know them, but you know about them, let us know and we’ll track them down. And if you think I’m that person you should interview, let us know. With that said, we’ve got a full slate. We’ve got a pipeline right now. So also please be patient with us as we go through your suggestions and recommendations. So thank you, Travis and Courtney. Thank you, listeners. We’re very grateful for you.

Courtney (50:28.304)
Yeah, thanks, been a great year.

Brian (50:30.099)
Yeah, thanks. Bye, everyone.

Travis (50:30.19)
All right, see you. Bye.