This conversation also explores the relational journey of Ashley and Ashton, a mother and son who navigated the challenges of foster care and addiction recovery. They share their experiences of separation, the long road to reunification, and the importance of building trust and honesty in their relationship. Through their story, they emphasize the significance of hope and the lessons learned from their struggles, ultimately showcasing the power of love and resilience in healing and family dynamics.
TRANSCRIPT:
Brian (00:00.065)
All right, all right Welcome to the foster friendly podcast. I am your host Brian and I have my affable co-host Travis with me He is friendly, but he’s also nervous today because his daughter is Now doing her first solo drive and so we’re gonna use this episode to help him Get distracted from that
Ashley Darrow (00:00.598)
Okay.
Travis (00:14.366)
and
Travis (00:26.312)
Yeah, I was just going to say that thank you. This is a place of distraction. thank you.
Brian (00:26.565)
And, and this, and we have a story that will captivate you. So, for our listeners last, last week, the last episode we did was with Ashley Darrow and Selena Whitley. And it was about Ashley’s story of battling with addiction and how this led to her son being placed in foster care. And today, gosh, we’re so honored.
Ashley Darrow (00:30.777)
Okay.
Brian (00:55.093)
Today we have Ashley again and she is joined by her son Ashton that to tell us about this journey of reunification and so Ashton and Ashley so love having you with us. Welcome
Ashton Fletcher (01:10.926)
Thank you.
Ashley Darrow (01:11.203)
Thank you.
Brian (01:12.577)
So just to get started, and Ashley, you did a little bit this last week, but you can do it again, add a new detail if you like. Just give us a little snapshot of today. And I don’t mean literally this day, but this week, this month, this year. Tell us a little bit about yourself currently.
Ashley Darrow (01:19.257)
Thank
Ashley Darrow (01:33.049)
currently. So I am actually about to graduate. I’m a graduate student at Southeastern University and I’ll be finished with my MDiv at the end of the summer. So this has been really, so one thing I did to kind of, you know, once I got my life kind of turned around is that I really wanted to pursue education because, you know, I felt like I had
Brian (01:49.024)
Really?
Ashley Darrow (02:02.873)
you know, not giving myself the opportunity being such a young mom and everything I went through. So I’ve been in school actually a decade. So, and this literal, I got my AA, my bachelor’s, and now I’m graduating with my master’s. So I’m ready. I’m excited. I don’t know what’s ahead, but I’m happy about it.
Travis (02:13.183)
Haha.
Brian (02:19.733)
Congratulations. Very cool. Very cool. I love it. That’s a wow. And I’m glad you added that. You didn’t give us, not at all. All right. Ashton, give us a little snapshot of your life currently.
Travis (02:20.746)
That’s awesome.
Travis (02:28.5)
We didn’t know that.
Ashley Darrow (02:29.753)
Mm-mm.
Ashton Fletcher (02:37.144)
So I am at Southeastern as well. I don’t get to see my mom because she doesn’t go on campus as much, but I am studying historical and literary studies. I absolutely love history and I want to be a history teacher whenever I graduate.
Brian (02:40.554)
Okay.
Ashley Darrow (02:42.745)
you
Travis (02:51.338)
Mmm, haha, awesome!
Brian (02:51.403)
Ha ha.
Brian (02:57.025)
I love that so much. I’m I’m a theology and history nerd. I love this so much. OK, so we’re not going to talk about you guys today. We’re going to talk about history and no geek out on that. No, I’m kidding. Alright, I I love that. So you’re you’re a year into that. Is that right Ashton in your schooling? Alright. OK.
Ashton Fletcher (03:03.682)
Nice.
Travis (03:04.202)
Ha ha ha.
Ashton Fletcher (03:21.056)
Yes, sir. I’m still a freshman.
Brian (03:25.313)
I love the course you’re on though, man. I think studying history, obviously studying theology as well, it helps make you wise. And so glad that you’re doing that.
Travis (03:42.516)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (03:46.591)
All right, before we get going into your guys’ story, we’re going to give it a little bit hint though with this icebreaker. I’m going to see if this could be a tough icebreaker and I do have another way to phrase it to make it easier if you can’t do it this first question. So is there a song or a movie or a book that feels like it captures some part of your story together?
Ashley Darrow (04:16.088)
you
Ashton Fletcher (04:16.878)
That’s a good one.
Brian (04:18.046)
I told you! If you can get it, it’ll be a fun one to unpack. What do you think?
Ashley Darrow (04:22.307)
Yeah.
Ashley Darrow (04:27.327)
Ashton, what are you? You’re the music buff. Come on, what do you got?
Ashton Fletcher (04:31.367)
I, that’s hard. That’s hard.
Brian (04:35.219)
I know, it’s like a war and peace? I don’t know.
Ashley Darrow (04:35.629)
Yeah.
Ashton Fletcher (04:38.007)
Yeah.
Travis (04:39.548)
What is
Ashton Fletcher (04:44.079)
mom, I feel like you… Yeah.
Brian (04:44.907)
You
Ashley Darrow (04:45.49)
more redemptive.
Travis (04:47.258)
more redemptive.
Ashton Fletcher (04:50.574)
It’s like you have a lot more movies under your belt than I do.
Brian (04:52.966)
hahahaha
Travis (04:53.556)
hahahaha
Ashley Darrow (04:53.861)
yeah, true. I’m not really sure, Brian. That’s a tough one.
Brian (05:00.385)
I know, I know, I knew it was going to be tough, but I just thought just in case. Okay, so here’s your, like your parachute hasn’t opened. So now there’s the emergency parachute. Here it is. Okay, you don’t have to pick a song or a movie or a book, but a word. What is a word that you feel like captures at least a part of your story together?
Ashley Darrow (05:25.185)
and you’re the word guy, come on.
Ashton Fletcher (05:27.2)
I would say home. Home is probably a very big word for our situation.
Brian (05:31.041)
man, yeah, and that word is emotive, you know, it’s not, it just has a lot of feels to that word. Ashley, what do you think? If you want to double down on that word or add to it.
Travis (05:31.968)
man, that’s…
Ashley Darrow (05:36.153)
you
Ashley Darrow (05:52.601)
I would, I’m gonna have to go probably generic and just say love because I felt like my fight to regain my custody of Ashton is just because I loved him so much. And I never knew that kind of love until I had him, my child. And it’s like, wow.
Brian (06:11.061)
Yeah. huh. Yeah.
Travis (06:11.454)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (06:17.849)
So I know Travis, what you’re going through right now, cause you love your daughter. Like what’s going on. But yeah, I would have to say love.
Brian (06:20.193)
Yeah. Wow. Those are two great four letter words. Man, is love at home. All right. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, you guys did great. Now you’ll get to that night you’ll be thinking book, song, movie.
Travis (06:21.53)
Right.
Travis (06:33.63)
Nailed it.
Travis (06:40.335)
Haha, yeah, yeah, well.
Ashton Fletcher (06:41.992)
Yeah.
Ashley Darrow (06:43.043)
Yeah.
you
Travis (06:46.28)
Hit me. All right. Well, we’re going to get into your story and your journey. And again, we’re so honored to have you on for this and be part of this with you, you know, firsthand. So Ashton, take us back into what you remember of entering into foster care. You know, I don’t even know what year, you know, this, this was how old you were, but, just take us into that and describe kind of what you remember going in.
initial feelings and memories.
Ashton Fletcher (07:19.096)
So, surprisingly for my young age, it’s very, very blurry. I have a lot of memories that are kind of mushed together and I get confused on the order of it all. But I do remember that I believe I was five and we were in the hospital when I got taken away. I can’t remember why exactly. That’d probably be more so my mom would know that information. I know we were in the hospital.
Brian (07:28.545)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (07:48.812)
the hospital and a lady had come, I guess just from when I talked to my mom later about it in life. DCF was called, I believe. And that’s why that lady had come to take me away because I guess my mom kind of didn’t look right or something. And I don’t remember the car ride because I think I fell asleep. I know this kind of sounds like a movie scene, but I’m
fairly certain that I had fell asleep in that car ride and then woke up at a stranger’s home. And it was very like, when I look back at it older, I realized how scary it was. Now as a kid, don’t necessarily, it was more so just kind of, I didn’t really understand what was going on. I was very used to moving houses as a kid. That’s why I chose the word home was just because we had so many different ones. would…
Brian (08:23.936)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (08:46.53)
be moving from house to house all the time. And so it was kind of normal in a weird way that I was moving to another home. like that’s why I’m saying like as a kid, I didn’t really see this, like the scariness of it. But when I realized that, you know, my mom, I wasn’t going to be with my mom for a long time.
that’s when it kind of started to, I started to realize that, this isn’t just like, I’m going to stay over for a little bit. Like I’m going to be here for a while. And that was definitely, especially because like their home was very different in comparison to the homes that I had traveled through. They had a very nice house. They, they were a full family. They had dogs. They, you know, they were, it was a very different environment.
Travis (09:41.3)
Hmm.
Brian (09:41.483)
So this is the Whitley’s, right? Uh-huh, okay.
Ashton Fletcher (09:43.182)
Yes, this is the Willys. Yes, yes. And so yeah, was just obviously like I had a new room. had brothers and sisters, which I wasn’t used to, or a brother and a sister, I should say. You know, a new mom and dad, quote unquote. just a very, it was very scary, very, very scary.
Travis (09:44.836)
First foster home then.
Brian (10:00.597)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (10:11.327)
Yeah, I, gosh, I want to just pause there because I want our listeners to like feel, feel that like it’s it’s so when you’re on the other side as a as the parent and you’re. You know, the kid is coming, you know, you’re you’ve been training for this. It’s not a surprise. You’re the grown up. You’ve got everybody that you got the home that you’re familiar with. You got the people around you that you love and and you’re inviting a child in it.
Travis (10:26.356)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (10:40.129)
It feels very different for you. Even though you might be nervous. Gosh, I just want the adults listening right now to empathize with you, to feel like, gosh, oh gosh, kid doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s sleeping in a car, he wakes up and now he’s in a stranger’s home. Man, that would be hard.
Travis (10:51.85)
Hmm.
Travis (11:04.458)
Well, and thank you for that. mean, you really set the scene well, just like you said, it felt like, it felt like a movie scene in the car. Yeah. I mean, that’s exactly what I was picturing as you said it. So, um, and then kind of another category here that we get to experience, cause Brian talked about, you know, what the foster parents, you know, kind of may envision or whatever, but now actually let’s talk about what the birth mother felt and experienced in the
Brian (11:09.555)
It felt like a movie. Yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Travis (11:31.418)
sending off, know, the going away, the leaving. So what do you remember that you would like to add to that from your side of Ashton going into foster care?
Ashley Darrow (11:42.169)
Up into that point, me and Ashton had never been separated. And we did, we moved around many times, but I did everything even in my addiction to just keep us together, keep us together, keep us together as dysfunctional and all over the place it was. So losing him was like, I just, I don’t know.
Brian (12:01.513)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (12:11.519)
emotionally it was like a stab in the heart but it was like not
It was just everything. was my reality hitting. was the severity of the things that were happening. Waking up, you know, like, well, this can’t happen anymore. Something has to change. I can’t live without him. I don’t want to live without him. How am I going to fight addiction? You know, he’s is he scared right now? those things. I couldn’t hold him or protect him or say it’s going to be OK. You know, like.
like I normally would, like if he felt a certain way, could say, hey, you know, it’s going to be all right. We’ll get through this, da da da. So there was none of that. And I was just having to trust that whoever he was with was able to give him that, was able to talk him through it. I had to realize my powerlessness over the situation at the time. There was nothing I could do to make it better for him.
Brian (13:12.565)
Yeah, I, if our listeners, do you haven’t listened to the prior episode, maybe pause right now and go back and listen to how Ashley became addicted because it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s, just sympathetic. I mean, it’s not like you were this horrible person just out like flipping off the world. mean, you, you were, you were in a,
desperate place. so I love our listeners to again, understand how that how you even got to this point and then how it got out of control. Okay, so you guys you both have you have this moment of separation. It’s unfamiliar, scary, it’s stab in the heart. You’re now at your absolute rock bottom and everything that’s most important to you is at risk of being
lost for both of you. So now just we’re going to go freeform here and kind of hit memories and milestones of your time in foster care and bring us to the point of reunification.
Ashton Fletcher (14:32.92)
So, so you mean like just hit like some memories while I was there? Okay. so I have actually when I was talking to my mom, reading these things, she actually reminded me of a lot of these memories. but I, I did a lot with them. I, we were always on the move. We were always doing something. I know I just never like sat around the house as a kid with them.
Brian (14:38.269)
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Brian (14:48.917)
Mmm.
Ashton Fletcher (15:03.182)
We were, I went to the beach for the first time with them. Miss Selena, Mr. Tony, they loved gardening. At least I know Miss Selena did. I don’t know if Mr. Tony did, but they taught me how to garden. We went to all sorts of like events together. Like we went to like a Chick-fil-A event. I don’t know why. And I think we went to a couple actually. So I don’t know if they were just big fans or.
Travis (15:03.626)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (15:13.61)
Hahaha
Brian (15:13.908)
Yeah.
Brian (15:26.369)
Okay, here we have to do I did it last week with with Cracker Barrel. I like to ask Chick-fil-A now to sponsor this this episode, please. Okay, thank you Ashton. Okay. So do you have memories of the big cow walking around?
Travis (15:27.272)
Ha ha ha
Ha
Ashton Fletcher (15:34.275)
But
Ashley Darrow (15:36.845)
Thank you.
Travis (15:43.454)
Man!
Ashley Darrow (15:49.716)
Thank
Travis (15:54.91)
Nice. Nice.
Ashton Fletcher (15:54.924)
Yes, actually, we painted our faces to look like the Chick-fil-A cow.
Brian (15:55.305)
Yeah
And so you have you have good you have like some positive memories, right? Yeah, it sounds like and then you have siblings that are.
Ashton Fletcher (16:03.424)
I believe I…
Ashton Fletcher (16:10.796)
Yes, so I actually got really close with my sister. My brother was also, he was a lot older than I was, so he kind of was, he had his own friends, he was doing his own thing. But I think me and I believe her name was Bristol, we became closer just because I was, I think I was like maybe a year or year and some change younger, if I’m remembering it correctly. And so,
Brian (16:19.808)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Brian (16:36.491)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (16:40.802)
You know, I had another kid to kind of connect with, obviously, while I was there. But yeah, just all sorts of things like that. we were in a car racing. Mr. Tony like made things, like he had a workshop and we were in this competition, I can’t remember for what, but we were like making model cars and then racing them.
Brian (16:44.065)
Yeah.
Brian (16:58.753)
Mm.
Ashton Fletcher (17:08.474)
And I remember my model car was absolutely trash and mine didn’t like do anything. somebody who had a really nice one had like bailed out or had to leave or something. So I took his place and I actually ended up getting third place for him and took the third place like like a trophy and stuff. And it was very, very interesting. But but lots of stuff like that just kind of.
Brian (17:08.555)
Thanks
Brian (17:12.827)
Hahaha!
Travis (17:13.226)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Travis (17:32.01)
Haha, that’s fine.
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (17:38.274)
We were always doing something, there was always an event. There was, we were just, which I’m not saying it’s like a bad thing. Like as a kid, I got to experience a lot with them.
Brian (17:49.535)
Yeah, all right. So Ashley, your time is very different though. What you’re going through, your events aren’t as fun.
Ashley Darrow (17:58.615)
Yeah, no.
Travis (17:58.868)
Yeah, no, no.
Ashley Darrow (18:02.773)
No, was a lot of addiction is messy. I don’t care how it starts, how you find yourself in there. It’s messy. There’s not clear guidelines. There’s not practical steps. There’s it’s you never know, you know, people and most of the time when it comes to people and addiction, you know, there’s a negative kind of stigma. They’re not going to make it. They’re going to go back out. They’re going to, you know,
Travis (18:08.874)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (18:19.594)
Mmm.
Ashley Darrow (18:32.491)
it’s because it’s so prevalent because people there’s not as many success stories as there is, you know, the other way. And so it I was just fighting and figuring out and just really survival mode. But it helped me to know that he was at the beach and he was doing Chick-fil-A events and you know, he was at church on Sundays and
Travis (18:35.156)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (18:35.179)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Travis (18:42.388)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (18:56.052)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (19:01.879)
you know, he was being a child, he was being a kid, he got to, you know, just the word, I think I shared it last time, but it just safe. Like I felt, okay, he’s safe. And knowing that and knowing the kind of house he was in and the experiences he was having and the care that they were taking of him, that empowered me, empowered me to say, he is good, he’s safe. These people seem to be for me too.
Travis (19:09.93)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (19:28.993)
you know, when they invited me to their church on Mother’s Day, they seemed to be for me too. So it was like, I finally felt like, okay, this is my chance. And that’s when I went from outpatient trying to stay sober on the outside, not having a stable place to live. That was always the biggest problem was housing. And so going into an inpatient rehabilitation center was the ticket for me because I needed
Brian (19:38.517)
Mmm.
Brian (19:55.667)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (19:57.175)
needed that to be able to get on my feet and to have the security on my end.
Brian (20:02.273)
So during this time that you’re with the Whitleys, and maybe you don’t remember, I mean, being a kid, how, was that a matter of, was that weeks, months? Was it a year? Like, how long was that?
Travis (20:09.438)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (20:15.182)
I think we were getting close to a year, but I don’t think we reached the year mark.
Travis (20:17.641)
Okay.
Brian (20:20.573)
Okay, and during that time then Ashley, you’re mostly in a during that time.
Travis (20:21.076)
Hmm.
Ashley Darrow (20:27.225)
I was outpatient care trying to, that’s what they, when you go to apply at the state for help with any kind of addiction and stuff, they stick you in an outpatient treatment thing. And I quickly realized that that was not helping me. I needed more because, you know, I needed inpatient, I needed to be away from people, places and things. And that I really didn’t have a chance to truly get sober and truly get Ashton back.
Travis (20:31.178)
Hmm.
Brian (20:46.035)
Okay.
Travis (20:51.263)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (20:56.609)
if I didn’t, if I wasn’t, you know, I hate to say it, but kind of blocked away, you know, and.
Travis (21:01.258)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (21:03.073)
So I’m curious then, what was your guys’ relationship like when Ashton, you were in foster care? Did you guys get to talk to each other? What was that like?
Ashton Fletcher (21:15.31)
So I know I would go and visit her every now and again. I more so remember my visits with her when I lived with my grandparents after foster care, but I’m pretty sure I did get to visit with her. And I also, like she had mentioned, she did come to our church one Sunday, and that was, I think, Mother’s Day. And I had read a verse in front of the church about mothers, which was very hard.
Brian (21:24.639)
Mm-hmm
Travis (21:24.842)
Hmm.
Brian (21:39.68)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (21:41.002)
Thanks
Ashton Fletcher (21:43.224)
For me at the time, I remember when we were practicing, I didn’t have my mom. So it was like very hard for me to try and like memorize these verses about loving your mother and father and honoring your mother and father and like all these, all these have, you know, especially for Mother’s Day. And so it just, but I do, I do believe I did get to visit her every so often.
Brian (21:44.385)
Mmm.
Travis (21:49.172)
Hmm.
Brian (22:00.089)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Travis (22:03.902)
Wow.
Brian (22:08.321)
Okay. So then, uh, he says, so you’re almost a year at that point. And that’s when, uh, uh, actually your dad, uh, enters the picture and he’s, he’s kind of been out of the picture and, uh, Ashton, you’re, uh, feeling safe and secure in the home that you’re in. And then, uh, enters your, your grandfather, who I guess you didn’t really know.
Ashton Fletcher (22:38.67)
Yes, correct.
Brian (22:39.197)
So what was that like? What did it feel like now that you’re having to do this again?
Ashton Fletcher (22:45.966)
So just in case, my grandparents are watching. I love you guys so much. I was actually, it made me very upset that I had to leave. I actually really wanted to stay with Mr. Tony and Ms. Selena. I became acclimated with them. I was comfortable with them. I realized that they loved me, that they were there for me. And having to move again.
Travis (22:49.268)
haha haha
Travis (23:14.826)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (23:15.074)
just and start over again was just not something that I was looking forward to. I remember I’d like, I don’t think I really even wanted to talk to them on the drive home. I believe they met with them with my, my grandparents met with my foster family at their house, at my foster family’s house and had dinner with us. And when they were talking about like me going to stay with them, I was like, I was dreading it.
Travis (23:18.858)
Hmm.
Brian (23:43.841)
Mm.
Ashton Fletcher (23:45.464)
But I ended up obviously going with them and it was a very rough beginning. Like I said, I had to get used to things all over again, a new school, new family. I was in Florida, so I was an entire state away from my mom at this point. So that also played a big part in why didn’t want to go. I was going to be so far away. At least I was still in Georgia with my mom, with my FOSA family. So it was a very…
Travis (23:46.506)
Hmm.
Brian (23:54.165)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Travis (24:02.186)
Mmm.
Brian (24:02.271)
Hmm
Travis (24:12.042)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (24:12.139)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (24:15.8)
When I first moved, was very, I didn’t like it at all.
Brian (24:19.283)
Mm-hmm. So Ashley, then take us during that same time frame, then. What’s your world like?
Travis (24:20.106)
Hmm.
Ashley Darrow (24:28.729)
Same, I was just getting grounded in treatment and my father hadn’t been in my life. And I, that point still had animosity with him. And I was just like, how could they have done this? They took him from a safe place where I felt, okay, now I can do this. And this is, I just really felt like this was it. so I was kind of angry at first.
Travis (24:30.846)
You
Ashley Darrow (24:57.207)
because it forced me to talk to my dad on the phone and I didn’t want to do that. So, and, but I wanted to talk to Ashton. So it was like, okay, I got to do this. which hindsight looking back, it was such a gift because, you know, I love my dad today. We have a great relationship. And so foster care, I mean, the DCF, this whole process was able to help honestly in our story mend.
Travis (25:01.332)
Hmm
Ashley Darrow (25:26.945)
you know, broken ties from a, from a generation prior, you know, so it’s, it was, but no, in the beginning I was so upset and the fact that Ashton was in Florida and wasn’t near where I could visit. And it just, it made treatment. It made me, my time in treatment really hard because, I was so hopeful and you know, I just empowered like, yes, then I’m going to get them back and I’m going to do everything they want me to do.
Travis (25:32.02)
Hmm.
Brian (25:32.373)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (25:54.399)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (25:56.737)
And then him leaving, it’s just like, it was rough.
Brian (26:02.291)
And then to help us understand the timeframe there too is that where you’re talking a matter of weeks, months, what are we looking at?
Ashley Darrow (26:09.993)
So I was in treatment for a year. I did a year in an inpatient rehabilitation center. So I think all together, me and Ashton were separated for what, two years? I think it was two years, was it?
Ashton Fletcher (26:24.866)
I would say so.
Travis (26:25.162)
Hmm.
Brian (26:27.275)
Wow. Which I guess to me, I mean, I’m familiar with this world. So what you’re sharing is not surprising to me, but I think it would have been surprising to me years and years ago when I didn’t know, because I always thought like, treatment’s like 28 days or something like that. is that common that it takes so long for someone who’s trying to break addiction?
Ashley Darrow (26:29.463)
between the.
Ashley Darrow (26:52.953)
So there’s a lot of different opinions. And if you want mine, because I went through it myself. And I went through it myself. And I also mentor others now going through it. I help do things like sponsor people and just mentor them through it. But 28 days is not enough. Addiction is, it takes a hold of you. It’s mind, it’s body, it’s
Brian (26:58.015)
I do want yours. Yes.
Brian (27:05.089)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (27:21.877)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (27:22.265)
spirit, it’s, you know, there’s so many elements that it affects and you really have to be rehabbed. I mean, you really have to have an overhaul and I feel like the more time you can give somebody, I think a year is perfect. It gives you time to really live soberly and learn how to live soberly and not just 28 days. I’m good. You know, and you get out there and you don’t have the skills. You don’t have the tools. You relapse. That’s why relapse is so common.
Travis (27:35.54)
Hmm.
Ashley Darrow (27:50.391)
because I don’t think people are getting the adequate amount of time. And that’s why I said I made the decision to go inpatient because if I was really gonna conquer addiction and get my son back and be the mom that he needs to be, outpatient 28 days, even six months in my opinion just was not enough. It wouldn’t have been enough.
Travis (27:54.964)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (28:08.212)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (28:11.263)
Yeah, okay. So now you’ve been separated for two years. Now let’s get to the point of reunification. Ashton, you’re probably what, seven years old at this time? Probably, okay. So what was reunification? What did that look like?
Ashton Fletcher (28:21.23)
Probably,
Ashley Darrow (28:22.264)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (28:28.824)
So I remember, I actually, don’t remember the specific day, but I do remember what I was doing. I was out in the driveway. They had a pretty large driveway. surprise, ironically, we had moved to another house during this time. So this was a completely new house from when I first got there. And I was just riding like my scooter around in the driveway and you know, like as a kid does and my grandma pulls up and
Brian (28:43.913)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Brian (28:56.286)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (28:58.2)
She drives a Camaro, so she pulls up in her black Camaro and my mom just steps out of the car. I like, she, don’t think, at this point, I don’t think she had ever visited me in Florida. I believe this would be like the first time. So it was very surprising. I was like, whoa, you my mom is here. And obviously, you know, I ran into her arms. We had hugged for a long time, cried. Out on the…
Brian (28:59.809)
Hahaha
Brian (29:18.945)
Mmm.
Brian (29:24.479)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (29:27.288)
the driveway, but then I was told, like, hey, you your mom is out. Like, this is it. And yeah, it’s not just a visit, right? And that was like, it was very, I don’t really even know how to explain how I felt because it was very, I had gone through years without her at this point, living with different people. And so it just, it was like bewildering. I didn’t really know how to feel.
Brian (29:28.033)
Mm.
Travis (29:36.458)
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
Brian (29:46.433)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (29:57.258)
to have my mom back as my mom again. And if I’m being completely honest, as much as I was very excited and I couldn’t wait, I also had to get used to it. Because being away from my mom, I got used to my other guardians, and so I had to put my mom back where she belongs as my mother.
Travis (29:57.396)
Hmm.
Hmm.
Travis (30:08.362)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (30:16.596)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (30:16.651)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (30:22.74)
Mm-hmm. Mm.
Travis (30:22.89)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (30:25.646)
And so I had to kind of learn to be her son. I had to learn to kind of trust her again. And that in itself took time, being able to trust her and, and, um, cause you know, I, was a very scary time without her. And, um, but we ended up, I obviously now I’ve put all of my trust in my mom. actually, I pretty much anytime I’m going out, I’m like, mom, does this outfit look good? I, and I’m always,
Brian (30:29.825)
Ahem.
Brian (30:34.965)
Mm.
Brian (30:54.369)
huh. huh.
Travis (30:55.452)
Ahaha.
Ashton Fletcher (30:55.852)
Always asking her for advice about my girlfriend and what I’m wearing and just life in general, my faith. She is my ultimate mentor. So I definitely did put all my trust in her eventually.
Travis (31:05.93)
Hmm.
Brian (31:07.521)
Man.
Brian (31:13.025)
Gosh, how many moms of 19 year olds are wishing that they could hear those words, right? Wow. So Ashley, here we are. So here you are, you’re driving up and you see your son on a scooter. Okay, so take us what’s going through your heart.
Travis (31:14.644)
Sayonara! That’s amazing.
Ashley Darrow (31:31.481)
So I step out the car. They had told me that he didn’t know that we were surprising him. it was really, it was picture perfect because he was scooting along, had no idea. And so I step out and he looks and then he leans in and he’s like, mom? And I was like, yeah. And then he’s pulled his helmet off and is all the same. just ran and I just hugged him. And it was like, my gosh, that moment is like.
I fought demons to get here. I fought my inner self. fought, you know, all the obstacles in my way to get here two years later, you know. And it was just such a moment. Like, this is what I fought for.
Travis (32:03.338)
Hmm.
Brian (32:03.553)
Hmm
Brian (32:13.249)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (32:21.345)
Yeah, wow. can’t I mean, again, back to a movie scene. then did you understand what was going through Ashton then for the next, you know, while of him learning to trust you? mean. Or.
Ashley Darrow (32:37.603)
So I remember the day, you know, I started right when I got back, you know, being in a year in rehabilitation, you have lots of therapy and lots of therapy and lots of therapy, which is such a good thing and such a blessing. But I was able to bring that into our conversations and to be real with him. And that thing I knew from the very beginning, and I don’t know how I knew this, but I knew I had at this point,
Brian (32:51.467)
Mm-hmm
Ashley Darrow (33:08.033)
You can’t try to, you know how you try to like sugar coat things for your children because they’re young, but we had been through so much. There’s no way to sugar coat anything. The only thing at this time is I just have to be real with him and I have to be honest and I have to say, Hey, mom got it so wrong. Mom, you know, I told him, I remember the day he said, mom, I don’t trust you. And I said to him, I was like, honey, you have every right not to trust me.
Brian (33:12.277)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (33:13.162)
you
Brian (33:17.673)
Mm-hmm
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (33:37.463)
I did a lot of things that broke trust. I did a lot of things that hurt you. But that’s not my goal. And I don’t want to be that way anymore. And I’m asking if you could just give me a chance to trust me again. And he’s like, yeah, mom, you know I will. And I remember that day hugging him. And he did. It grew from there. We got counseling together. We got counseling separated. We just kind of kept on that.
Brian (33:50.497)
Well.
Ashley Darrow (34:05.017)
and bringing our faith into the equation really brought us that stability and healing that we needed.
Brian (34:09.567)
Hmm.
Brian (34:13.493)
Yeah, I like how you talked about addiction being multi-dimensional, that it was mental, emotional, physical and spiritual, and that you need all those things to be redeemed and made whole. So take us a little bit further down the road. I here you are now, you guys, what, 12 years later, and you have a
a dear relationship with each other. I guess this is, I guess what I’m looking for is as you share what you did, some advice to people of like, here’s, Ashley, you mentioned like you didn’t sugar coat things, you did reality therapy. Like what else, like Ashton, I’d be curious as to like what worked?
Travis (35:03.754)
you
Ashton Fletcher (35:11.704)
Do you want me to go or mom, sorry? Okay. Well, like I said earlier, I just, had to kind of learn to trust my mom again. And as a kid, like I obviously, it wasn’t insanely hard to trust her again because I had just been without her for so long that, but like, you know, when it came to like disciplining me and stuff, sometimes I would be a little bit, you know.
Brian (35:13.183)
Yeah, go ahead, Ashton. Yeah, yeah.
Ashton Fletcher (35:41.39)
Because I had gotten into piano when I had lived with my grandparents and I’ve been playing piano for ever since then. But when my mom would be like, hey, you need to practice piano and stuff, it’s like, you know, I had to get used to my mom telling me what to do. But I really just, I let my love for my mom and just how much I had missed her kind of guide.
Brian (35:46.944)
Mm.
Brian (35:58.578)
Hahaha
Ashton Fletcher (36:10.88)
my ability to trust her again because I know that like now, now that I’m older, I realized that my mom had gone through so much like she had said to get back to me and if that’s not like evidence that you love me, that you care about me, then I don’t know what would be. And so kind of
Brian (36:32.65)
you
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (36:39.384)
putting my mom back in her place as my mom and allowing her to guide me and mentor me again was kind of the biggest thing that helped our relationship grow. actually brag to pretty much everyone that me and my mom have a great relationship and that we’re very open and honest. We don’t sugarcoat things. To this day, she will tell me how it is and you know.
Brian (37:06.273)
Hmm.
Travis (37:06.324)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (37:07.086)
I’m very thankful for that honesty and I think just being honest with each other is really very important. Just because sometimes, and my mom tells me this to this day, like if she says, can be mad at me, like she doesn’t want me to think that I can’t be mad at her. And just like, I feel like that just allowing us to feel how we feel.
and understanding where we’re coming from through those feelings. What is just really helps in life.
Brian (37:44.587)
That’s so good.
Ashley Darrow (37:48.065)
me, I knew, I don’t know where I picked it up from, but someone just, I think encouraged me that, understand that you have been through this and you may feel guilty, but you can’t parent him out of guilt. he didn’t need me, he didn’t need a guilty parent. He needed an actual.
Brian (38:13.601)
Mm.
Ashley Darrow (38:15.769)
He needed a disciplinary, he needed an encourager, he needed structure. I, you know, if I allowed guilt to, you know, I would, couldn’t pair an amount of guilt because that would have meant I would have just tried to buy his love or, you know, he could have manipulated me in return. And it was just, I wanted to be a good mom. I didn’t just want to come back and be his mom. I wanted to be a good mom, you know, and
So I had to learn what that was. And disciplining him sometimes I was like, inside, I’m like, no, I can’t ever be like, you know, that toward you because I love you so much. But I had to, I had to have boundaries and get bring structure. couldn’t just, you know, wallow in that and, you know, so yeah, he was right about that.
Travis (38:51.764)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (39:00.993)
Mm-hmm.
Ashley Darrow (39:08.905)
And just that honesty as well. I think he kind of nailed it there. It’s just like at this point, we have to be honest. We have to be real, you know, and it’s okay to say, mom got it wrong. You know, mom made mistakes. I’m sorry that I hurt you. Give me an opportunity to do better. And just being real with your child and saying that it just, takes.
I just saw how he responded to that. He’s like, he needed to hear that. Kids kind of need to know that sometimes people have an image of parents are perfect. I guess kids do, but parents get it wrong. They make mistakes, even the best of us.
Brian (39:52.651)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Travis (39:54.279)
No.
Brian (39:56.871)
That took a lot of courage though from both of you to get real like that, be vulnerable.
So curious now, today. So here we are today, you guys. They are doing great. What about, you mentioned Ashton and Ashley both having a positive relationship with your grandparents. What about the Whitley, Sid? What’s that like?
Ashton Fletcher (40:30.99)
So I was very, very blessed to have them at my graduation when I graduated high school. And they brought their entire crew because they foster a number of people. And so I got to meet all of their new sons. it was, yeah, we definitely have a relationship today. I don’t necessarily talk to them all the time, but for like, you know, like they came to my graduation, they came and saw our house when they were down here.
Brian (40:37.428)
Wow.
Brian (40:48.118)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (40:55.424)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (40:55.923)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (41:01.198)
I definitely stay in touch with them because I love them like a second family. So I definitely, and I’m very blessed that they invest themselves into my life still even after foster care.
Travis (41:14.868)
Hmm.
Brian (41:17.043)
So good, yeah. It’s nice to have, I mean, it’s great to have more people love you, right? No matter where you are, who you are, with the circumstance. wow.
Travis (41:23.068)
No.
Ashton Fletcher (41:23.224)
Yeah.
Travis (41:30.708)
Well, I was going to say, I, I’ve been just emotional, think just listening to this because partly because I have a five year old and, I mean, this is the first podcast I’ve, I’ve been on the verge of tears, but just,
Travis (41:50.504)
I feel like it’s much more about foster care. mean, this is really about just humanity and family and love. you know, the image of Ashton, you know, going away in the car, your reunion, you know, I think you said you were on a bike or the helmet comes off, just this, this scene of kind of coming back together. And I think just being so both of you, but so incredibly honest, I mean,
Painting the picture. mean, even to say like Ashton of where you’re kind of saying like even coming back to family and coming back, like how hard that was, you know, your grandpa, that kind of thing, I think speaks to. We are uprooted in these situations every time that, know, you’ve gained some stability, even with, you know, the foster family and then had to leave those guys. You know, you were like a plant up, you’re blooming, right? And you’re uprooted into another.
Situation that you know, okay and then even if it’s family and then even going back to mom your very mother It’s is another you know, sort of that’s what foster care is. It’s another Uprooting in that journey, but then back into the soil of your family and now like the blossoming the watering like incredibly beautiful so As we’re kind of winding this talk down, I mean
How has the experience, and you’ve already elaborated this, of you, but anything else you want to add of just like, how has this experience now grown and shaped your relationship as we sit here today for both of you?
Ashton Fletcher (43:31.618)
Well, like I had said, I brag about our relationship. I’m very, very honored and thankful for the open communication we have, the honesty we have, and our ability to critique one another on a respectful level. As her son, obviously going to have a lot of respect when I’m talking to my mom. we understand that we’re humans. We make mistakes.
We move from them, we learn from them, and that’s kind how our relationship is, that mistakes were made in the past and we learned from them, and that’s kind of the theme of who we are. I love my mom, and I’m very, very thankful, which a lot of people don’t really understand this concept, but I’m thankful that my mom had to go through.
what she had to go through and then I had to go through what I had to go through because without the pain, without the separation, would never, we wouldn’t be where we are today, in my opinion. And it took that separation. It took that, you know, us, cause I had found the Lord when I was away from my mom. And so it just, everything is just aligned in one giant plan. And
It’s just, it’s beautiful when you really look back and see like, yeah, this all happened for a reason, you know.
Brian (45:05.579)
So many people can take for granted the love that they have and you guys don’t.
Travis (45:12.18)
you say to add to that Ashley?
Ashley Darrow (45:15.959)
Yeah, kind of like what Brian said, that old saying, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. know, it, Ashton said it the other day, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And it’s like being away from him. There’s so much to think about. There’s so much to realize. There was so much to put into perspective. And, and I re you know,
Sometimes we parent, we have our kids, we love our kids and you just do it. But when you have this big separation, this time and you’re like, wow, I don’t ever want to take this for granted again. When I ask them to trust me, I’m like, I want every day to earn that trust back. I still, by living a sober life, by sharing my story, trying to help other people, I feel like I honor him. I feel like I honor, I don’t want our separation, our time apart.
to be wasted, I wanted it to have a purpose. And kind of like what Ashton said, it does, it has a purpose. As painful as it was, today there’s, you we understand there was a reason behind it. And that’s why we, and I’m so glad Ashton’s joined the conversation to try and help encourage other people, you know, to that, you know, good things still do happen.
Even in foster care, even in DCF cases, even in addiction, even in separation, good things still happen and there’s still hope. And I just hope we could share that with somebody today.
Brian (46:48.075)
Well, you guys are. Yeah. So I’m just curious. I mean, this is an unusual question. I want you now you’ve been reflecting on the past 12 years of your life. I want you to reflect on this moment right now. What’s what’s it feel like actually knowing that this is really the first time you’ve publicly shared your story? What’s it feel like to be doing this together, sharing your story?
Travis (46:49.342)
Haha.
Ashley Darrow (46:50.839)
Yeah.
Ashton Fletcher (47:08.748)
Well, kind of like how I like to think of it is like, you know, as much as I was saying, yeah, this is like a movie. And I mean, a lot of people’s lives aren’t movies. They’re just everyday Joe Schmo doing their thing. And that’s kind of as a kid, I mean, that’s kind of what my life was. It was just my everyday life. And as much as it was hard, it just that was life. just seeing now from
Brian (47:37.034)
Hmm
Ashton Fletcher (47:38.252)
all the way at this point, being here, sharing my story, I realized that like this is like somebody’s neighbor could have this kind of story. you know, it’s a beautiful, everyone loves a comeback story. And it’s just a beautiful thing. And I’m very glad that I get to share it and share it alongside my mom. We can do it together and that’s.
Travis (47:48.34)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (47:48.554)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (47:55.253)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (47:55.721)
Hmm.
Travis (48:03.498)
Hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (48:07.384)
I’m very thankful for that. It’s definitely very, it’s an honor for me.
Brian (48:08.699)
Mmm. Yeah.
Travis (48:12.941)
Hmm.
Brian (48:15.207)
Ashley, how’s it feel doing this with your son?
Ashley Darrow (48:17.177)
I just look at him and he’s still that little boy. You you guys know your parents and they’re grown up and they’ve got mustache and you know, they’re in college too. But they’re still your little ones inside. And I look at him, but I’m so proud of just the man that he’s becoming and the fact that he was, when he told me, mom, you know, I’d like to share. And that just…
Travis (48:24.585)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (48:28.862)
to Saha.
Brian (48:34.721)
Hmm
Brian (48:40.257)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (48:44.577)
Mm.
Ashley Darrow (48:46.571)
I’ve been sharing and I’ve been opening up because I understand that people need hope, that people need that, especially when they’re going through discouraging situations that look like they’re hopeless and how the importance of that and just being real and honest and saying things that other people try to, you people don’t like to be this vulnerable and share painful times in their life. But, you know, so to see him want to take this step out and
you know, to open up and share and you’re wonderful share Ashton. You are.
Ashton Fletcher (49:21.71)
Thank you.
Travis (49:22.214)
You really are. Yeah. To know that this was the first time you guys have shared this together or that you’ve really shared your story. That’s amazing. mean, it is. Wow. Like, what you going to be like with even more practice?
Brian (49:35.041)
Yeah, you Travis just blowing his nose and crying. So I have an old man, he passed away just a few weeks ago, but he had an expression that I love and I think you guys exemplify so well. He used to say, hope is greater than memories. And you guys, you have some painful memories, but man, the hope that compelled you forward.
Ashley Darrow (49:35.193)
I’m
Travis (49:39.9)
Ha ha ha
Brian (50:04.753)
and what it did to redeem your guys’s story and to enrich in it, as well as I think your story is going to go out and give a lot of people who are in a hard place, a lot of hope for their own lives. So Ashton, we like to ask everybody, who we interviewed this question, we asked this of your mom last week. we’d like you to finish this sentence.
What kids in foster care really need is…
Ashton Fletcher (50:37.154)
I would have to say hope. I know we’ve been kind of saying it, but like I just, feel like if I gave up hope on my mom, not to say that she wouldn’t make it out or wouldn’t be here, but it would, it would destroy, like it, would not be as motivating for her. She wouldn’t want to, I mean, I wouldn’t want to fight for someone if they had nothing to do with me, you know, if they didn’t.
Brian (50:39.489)
yeah.
Travis (50:41.3)
Ha ha.
Brian (50:47.361)
Mmm.
Brian (50:51.999)
Mm-hmm.
Ashton Fletcher (51:05.099)
believe in me if they didn’t care about me. So it would just be much harder too. And so I believe having that hope and not giving up is what really I feel like for both parties in this kind of situation, it would aid both of them because it’s giving up is just, I feel like not an option. Love is so much stronger than
Brian (51:10.742)
Yeah.
Brian (51:31.083)
Mm.
Ashton Fletcher (51:35.146)
any sort of evil, any sort of problem, and having hope in that love will, will, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can assure you.
Brian (51:40.747)
Hmm.
Brian (51:45.363)
Mmm. So good.
Travis (51:49.386)
What else can you say? mean, I think that both you guys in the story, the beautiful thing here is it showcases, know, as much as, you know, foster care is incredibly broken at times and child welfare can be overburdened. There’s so many hard things. This picture of what you guys showcased, it just said there is this idea that, um, a good foster family who loved you deeply, Ashton bought you time and gave you safety and gave you comfort and
you know, distraction and all of these things that you needed at that time. Well, mom is getting better and buying her time to have hope. Like you said, both of you guys had hope. And I mean, that is just a beautiful picture of, know, when this is working and how you have a successful reunification story and just both of you, your courage to come back to this story. You know, it’s a great line that says, you know, to be brave is to be ready to sustain a wound for you guys. This is bravery and you’re going back to a wounded area.
for the greater thing to share a story and to share hope for others. So thanks so much for that. If you haven’t listened to previous episodes with Ashley and Selena that Brian mentioned, check that out. That was the previous one of this. And then we’re going to have another reunification story following this episode. So.
Brian (53:04.807)
Ashton and Ashley, thank you so much. I know God is gonna use your story in ways that are gonna help heal a lot of other people.
Ashley Darrow (53:15.331)
Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Travis.
Travis (53:17.61)
Thanks for being with us. Yeah, thank you.
Brian (53:19.595)
Bye.
Ashley Darrow (53:21.507)
Bye. Can we log off now?
