Category Foster Friendly Podcast

How Systems Fail to Address Long-Term Grief, and Loss — And What We Can Do Differently with Shenandoah Chefalo

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Courtney Williams and Travis Vangsnes welcome Shenandoah Chefalo, an author and advocate for trauma-informed systems change. Shenandoah shares her personal journey through foster care, emphasizing the complexities of grief and loss experienced by children in the system. The conversation explores the impact of systems on grief, the challenges of hyperindependence, and the importance of empowering children with choices. 

Shenandoah also discusses her memoir as a tool for healing and the significance of curiosity in understanding children's behaviors. This episode highlights the need for a nuanced approach to supporting children in foster care, recognizing that healing is an ongoing journey. Shenandoah and the hosts discuss the complexities of the foster care system, emphasizing the importance of flexibility, community support, and understanding the unique needs of foster youth. 

They explore how rules can sometimes hinder rather than help, and the necessity of fostering connections between biological and foster families. The discussion highlights the need for adults to recognize and honor the grief that children in foster care experience, advocating for a more compassionate and understanding approach to caregiving.

Pickup a copy of her book: "The Best Bunny: The Adventures of Lil Shen (and her inspirational sidekick, Bunny Best)"
https://a.co/d/0iA5k1Tm

Takeaways
  • Shenandoah emphasizes the importance of moving from survival to stability and belonging.
  • Grief in foster care is often overlooked and not addressed by systems.
  • Hyperindependence can hinder the ability to accept help and support.
  • Writing a memoir can help organize fragmented experiences and promote healing.
  • Ambiguous loss affects children in care, as they miss their previous lives.
  • Children in foster care often feel uncomfortable in new environments.
  • Empowering children with choices can help them feel more secure.
  • Curiosity about children's behaviors can lead to better understanding and solutions.
  • The system often fails to address the grief of both children and workers.
  • Healing is an ongoing journey, not a one-time event. Foster parents can push back on rigid rules for the benefit of the child.
  • Community support is crucial for foster youth and their families.
  • Flexibility in rules can lead to better outcomes for children.
  • Children need to feel they are not disposable and that they belong.
  • Behavior in children often stems from grief and loss.
  • Foster care systems should encourage connections between biological and foster families.
  • Adults need to be consistent and understanding in their approach to foster youth.
  • Curiosity about a child's behavior can lead to better understanding and support.
  • It is important to recognize that every child is unique and requires different approaches.
  • Belonging should not be seen as a reward but a fundamental need.

Foster Care 101: A Back to the Basics Guide to Foster Parenting

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, Brian, Travis, and Courtney celebrate the podcast’s two-year anniversary while reflecting on the impact of sharing real foster care stories and experiences. The conversation explores the realities of foster care from both the perspective of foster parents and those learning about the system from the outside.
The hosts discuss the different types of foster care placements, including emergency, short-term, long-term, and youth in conflict placements, as well as the intake process and the difficult decisions foster families must make when accepting a child into their home. They highlight the importance of understanding family dynamics, communicating boundaries with caseworkers, and recognizing the emotional and logistical challenges that come with fostering.
The conversation also dives into the first month after placement, the overwhelming nature of adjusting to a new child in the home, the responsibilities foster parents carry, and the importance of strong support systems. Topics include visitation with biological parents, navigating relationships within the child welfare system, and the misconceptions many people have about foster families.
Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize that foster families are everyday people making an extraordinary commitment. By sharing personal stories and practical insights, the podcast aims to build empathy, educate the community, and encourage greater support for children and families involved in foster care.

Learn more about becoming a foster parent with our "Fostering Front Door" resources:

https://americaskidsbelong.org/lp/ffd-potential-foster-parent-journey/

Takeaways
  • The Foster Friendly Podcast celebrates two years of conversations focused on educating and supporting the foster care community.
  • Sharing real foster care stories helps bridge the gap between those involved in foster care and those who may not understand the system.
  • Foster care placements can include emergency, short-term, long-term, and youth in conflict situations.
  • The intake process involves carefully evaluating a child’s needs and circumstances.
  • Foster parents often receive placement calls unexpectedly and must make difficult decisions quickly.
  • Families should communicate their preferences, boundaries, and limitations with caseworkers.
  • The decision to accept a placement should consider the needs of both the child and the foster family.
  • Foster care impacts entire families and requires thoughtful consideration of family dynamics.
  • The first month after placement can be one of the most challenging and overwhelming periods for foster families.
  • Strong relationships with caseworkers and community members can make the foster care journey more manageable.
  • Foster parents handle significant responsibilities, including appointments, paperwork, daily care, and emotional support.
  • Visitation with biological parents is an important part of many foster care experiences.
  • Foster families are not extraordinary people—they are ordinary people choosing to do something extraordinary.
  • Community involvement and support systems are essential for helping foster families succeed.
  • Greater understanding and empathy can come from learning about the realities of foster care.
  • The needs of the child should remain the central focus in every foster care decision.

Tumbleweeds to Triumph: Advocacy and Hope for Foster Youth with Paula Yost

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, co-hosts Brian Mavis and Courtney Williams engage with Paula Yost, an attorney and licensed clinical medical health clinician, who shares her journey of advocacy for children in foster care and those with special needs. The conversation explores the impact of personal experiences, such as preeclampsia, on advocacy work, the complexities of navigating the foster care system, and the importance of education and support for both children and their advocates.

Paula emphasizes the need for unconditional love and the power of hope in transforming the lives of kids in foster care, while also addressing the hidden traumas they face and the systemic failures that often hinder their progress. The episode concludes with a call to action for foster parents to see themselves as advocates and to provide the love and support that these children desperately need.

Pickup a copy of her book: "Tumbleweeds: How to Be an Advocate for Your Children and Yourself in a Failing System"
https://a.co/d/07naKZEL

Takeaways
  • Paula Yost blends legal advocacy with therapeutic support.
  • Preeclampsia changed Paula's perspective on health and advocacy.
  • Foster parents need to be informed about children's backgrounds.
  • The foster care system often fails to support children's needs.
  • Advocacy is essential for navigating educational systems.
  • Unconditional love is crucial for foster children.
  • Trauma impacts foster children's development and relationships.
  • Education and support can change the trajectory of foster kids' lives.
  • Building trust with foster children is vital for their healing.
  • Hope is a powerful tool in advocating for foster children.

Keeping it Real: What Every Foster Parent Needs to Know with Dr. John DeGarmo and Jen Lilley

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, host Brian Mavis speaks with Dr. John DiGarmo and Jen Lilley about their experiences in foster care and advocacy. They discuss their personal journeys, the challenges faced in the foster care system, and the importance of community support. The conversation also highlights their upcoming book, 'Called to Foster,' which aims to provide an honest guide for those considering fostering. 

The episode emphasizes the need for awareness and advocacy in the foster care system, as well as the emotional and practical realities of fostering children in crisis. The discussion also touches on the fears potential foster parents may have, the significance of community, and the transformative experiences that come from loving and caring for children in need.

Pickup a copy of their book "Called to Foster?: An Honest Guide to Getting Started"

https://a.co/d/0e6BFfwp

Dr. John DeGarmo's website: Foster Care Institute
https://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/

Jen Lilley's website:
https://www.jenlilley.com/

Takeaways
  • Foster care is a unique lifestyle full of sacrifices.
  • Advocacy for foster children is crucial, especially during crises.
  • Personal experiences shape the understanding of foster care.
  • Community support is essential for foster parents.
  • Awareness can lead to increased involvement in foster care.
  • Not everyone is called to foster, but everyone can help.
  • Fostering requires a different parenting approach due to trauma.
  • The book 'Called to Foster' offers insights and guidance.
  • Foster care can be more challenging than anticipated.
  • Humor can be found in the toughest fostering moments. Fostering is both challenging and rewarding.
  • Family support is crucial in the foster care journey.
  • Taking an orientation class can provide valuable information.
  • Foster parents need to love children unconditionally.
  • Children in foster care need stability and structure.
  • Foster care can lead to personal growth and empathy.
  • Respite homes are essential for supporting foster families.
  • Fostering can positively impact biological children.
  • Every child deserves love and attention.
  • Foster care can strengthen one's faith and sense of purpose.

Episode 92 – Foster Parenting Success: Pro Tips and Practical Advice with Laura, Foster Parent Partner

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Courtney Williams and Travis Vangsnes welcome back Laura, the Foster Parent Partner, a well-known figure in the foster care community, to discuss her new book, 'First Time Fostering.' The conversation explores the complexities of foster care, the importance of realistic expectations for prospective foster parents, and the balance between honesty and recruitment. Laura shares insights on preparing for new placements, the unique challenges faced by single foster parents, and essential items that can aid in fostering.

The episode concludes with a discussion on learning from mistakes in foster care, emphasizing the importance of adapting to the needs of children in care. The three also discuss the complexities of foster care, focusing on how to communicate with children about their circumstances, the impact of trauma on behavior, and the importance of resources and training for foster parents. They emphasize the need for empathy and understanding in dealing with children who have experienced trauma, and provide practical advice for those considering becoming foster parents.

Pickup a copy of Laura's new book "First Time Fostering: A Practical Guide for Supporting Kids in Foster Care"

https://a.co/d/0hKa3tjW

Takeaways
  • Foster Care Awareness Month is a time to highlight the need for families.
  • Laura's book provides practical advice for new foster parents.
  • It's important to balance honesty with the need to recruit foster families.
  • Single foster parents play a crucial role in the foster care system.
  • Preparation for foster children includes both physical and emotional readiness.
  • Therapeutic toys can help children communicate and process their experiences.
  • Documentation and organization are key for single foster parents.
  • Convertible furniture can save money and space for foster families.
  • Sensory items are essential for helping children regulate their emotions.
  • Learning from past mistakes is vital for growth in foster care. Parents should answer children's questions about foster care age-appropriately.
  • Children may come into foster care with fears and misconceptions.
  • Books about foster care should be chosen carefully to avoid misleading outcomes.
  • Foster care is about stepping in to help families in need.
  • Conversations about foster care should evolve as situations change.
  • Trauma can manifest in various behaviors in children.
  • Empathy and compassion are crucial in supporting children in care.
  • Training and resources are essential for effective foster parenting.
  • There will always be an element of uncertainty in foster care.
  • Being open to learning and adapting is key to successful foster parenting.

Episode 91 – Innovating Child Welfare Systems with Felicia Curcuru

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, host Brian Mavis and co-host Courtney Williams welcome Felicia Kakura, CEO and co-founder of Binti, a technology platform designed to streamline the foster care licensing process. Felicia shares her personal connection to the foster care system, stemming from her sister's challenging experience in adopting two children. This motivated her to create a solution that simplifies the licensing process for families and social workers alike. 

Felicia discusses the transformative impact of Binti on the child welfare system, emphasizing how their software solutions streamline processes for agencies and improve outcomes for children. Binti currently serves over 550 agencies across 36 states, significantly improving the efficiency of family approvals and reducing the administrative burden on social workers.

Binti functions like TurboTax for foster and adoptive families, allowing them to complete applications online, e-sign documents, and upload necessary paperwork. The platform also provides social workers with a user-friendly dashboard to track families' progress, manage background checks, and automate reminders. With measurable results showing a 30% increase in family approvals and an 18% reduction in processing time, Binti is making a significant impact in the child welfare sector. 

She emphasizes the importance of reducing the number of children in care and increasing family placements, aligning with federal initiatives. The conversation culminates in a discussion about the need for unconditional love and support for children in foster care, showcasing Binti's commitment to improving the foster care experience for both children and families.

Learn more about Binti:
https://binti.com/

Takeaways
  • Binti serves over 550 agencies in 36 states.
  • The platform improves family approval rates by 30% and reduces processing time by 18%.
  • Felicia's motivation stemmed from her sister's difficult adoption experience.
  • Binti automates administrative tasks for social workers, allowing them to focus on family engagement.
  • AI is used to streamline processes without making decisions about families. Agencies using Binti are 18% faster on average.
  • Binti allows for paper applications to accommodate non-tech-savvy families.
  • The goal is to reduce the number of children in care while increasing family placements.
  • Binti's software aims to streamline processes for social workers and improve outcomes for children.
  • Unconditional love and support are essential for children in foster care.

Episode 90 – From Foster Care to Flourishing: An Actor, Author, and Advocate with Charell Star

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Brian and Courtney welcome Charell Starr, a former foster youth and advocate. Charell shares her personal journey through the foster care system, discussing the challenges she faced, her reunification with her mother, and her experiences in boarding school. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the unique circumstances of each child in foster care and the need for empathy towards families. 

Charell also discusses her transition into advocacy, sparked by her desire to raise awareness about the needs of foster youth, leading to her participation in a documentary series that highlights various foster care experiences. She emphasizes the role of mentors, like CASAs, in helping youth navigate their challenges and highlights her memoir, 'Trash Bag Tales,' which details her journey and the significance of community and trust in healing from trauma.

Pickup a copy of her book "Trash Bag Tales":
https://a.co/d/0eP3OiC1

Takeaways
  • Charell's journey through foster care began at a young age.
  • She experienced six different homes in six years.
  • Reunification with her mother was a challenging process.
  • Education provided a grounding force in her life.
  • Every child's experience in foster care is unique.
  • Advocacy can stem from personal experiences and feelings.
  • Empathy towards families is crucial in foster care.
  • Documentaries can raise awareness about foster care issues.
  • Charell's story is part of a larger docu-series on foster care.
  • Understanding trauma is essential for supporting youth in care. No youth in foster care deserves to be in foster care.
  • Stereotypes about foster youth often stem from misconceptions.
  • Support from mentors can significantly impact a youth's success.
  • Charell credits her success to her great grandmother and supportive teachers.
  • Writing her memoir was a way to share her story and inspire others.
  • Healing from trauma requires community and trust in others.
  • CASAs play a crucial role in advocating for foster youth.
  • Youth with CASAs are more likely to reunify with families and graduate high school.
  • Everyone deserves someone who believes in them.
  • Charell's story illustrates the power of empathy and understanding. 

Episode 89 – Creating Belonging: Inspiring Stories From Our I Belong Project

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Brian, Courtney, and Travis discuss the I Belong Project, a program aimed at helping children in foster care find families. This is a unique episode because some of the stories shared on this episode come from our staff on the ground in various states across the country. The hosts listen and react and also share their own personal stories and insights from their experiences in foster care and adoption, highlighting the importance of storytelling and social media in raising awareness and engaging potential adoptive families. The conversation emphasizes the need for better matching of children with families and the challenges faced by kids in the foster care system.

The hosts discuss the challenges faced by hard-to-place children in the foster care system, the importance of creative advocacy in finding families for these children, the significance of sibling bonds in the adoption process, and the complex emotions surrounding grief and loss in adoption. They emphasize the need for awareness and compassion in addressing the needs of these children and the families that support them. 

Learn more about about our I Belong Project and meet kids waiting for adoptive families:

https://americaskidsbelong.org/meet-the-kids/

Takeaways
  • Courtney has been a foster mom for 18 years.
  • The I Belong Project helps children find families through storytelling.
  • Social media plays a crucial role in raising awareness.
  • Many families inquire about children they see in videos.
  • The project has filmed over 4,258 kids without turning anyone down.
  • Kids in foster care often wait years for adoption.
  • The best advocates for children are the children themselves.
  • Matching families to children is a critical process.
  • The project has led to increased inquiries from first-time foster parents.
  • There is a family for every child, and connections can be biological.  Kids who are hard to place often wait a long time for families.
  • Reunification efforts may fail, leading to the need for adoption.
  • Many hard-to-place kids have special needs or siblings they want to stay with.
  • Creative advocacy can change perceptions and outcomes for children.
  • Siblings being separated in adoption is a common but challenging issue.
  • Keeping siblings together can provide emotional support during adoption.
  • Adoption comes with grief for biological families and foster families.
  • Understanding the grief involved in adoption is crucial for adoptive families.
  • Adoptive parents often face their own grief while supporting their children.
  • The journey to adoption can lead to unexpected family connections.

Episode 88 – Overcoming Fatherhood Wounds and Being Better Fathers and Father Figures with Patton Dodd

In this conversation, Patton Dodd discusses the importance of understanding poverty and inequality in San Antonio through storytelling and community engagement. He shares insights from his memoir about fatherhood, exploring his relationship with his father and the impact of father figures in one's life. The discussion emphasizes the need for awareness and connection in addressing social issues and the complexities of familial relationships. In this conversation, Patton Dodd shares his insights on fatherhood, exploring the complexities of father figures, personal expectations, and the importance of presence in parenting. He discusses his own journey of becoming a dad, the emotional challenges he faced, and the significance of being fully present for children. Dodd emphasizes that fatherhood is an evolutionary role that requires intentional engagement and nurturing, and he provides resources for dads looking to deepen their connections with their children.
Takeaways
  • We wanted to talk to people about poverty and inequality.
  • We use stories to facilitate conversations.
  • We've generated an audience who care about these issues.
  • We're not pushing towards particular policy outcomes.
  • We're trying to get people to become more aware.
  • I was haunted by my dad's story.
  • I felt a little bit of boldness to write.
  • I didn't really know my father until I researched him.
  • You don't become the way my dad was without trauma.
  • Father figures aren't just mentors, you create them. I gave him a lot; I expected him to be something he was never going to be.
  • Part of the answer to anxiety is just listening to the stories of other dads.
  • What’s needed is not to feel like you know how to do it, but to keep showing up.
  • Presence comes from deep within; you have to choose to be attentive.
  • You can do a lot of dutiful stuff and be completely absent-minded about it.
  • Fathers play an essential role that can't just be replaced.
  • We are wired for fatherhood; it's part of our evolution.
  • Little moments become the big moments in life.
  • You have to actually choose to be attentive to your children.
  • It's important to be all in during those moments with your kids.

Episode 87 – Love Isn’t Enough: The Honest Realities of Foster Parenting with Kayla Moffitt

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Courtney Williams and Travis Vangsnes welcome Kayla Moffitt, a dedicated mother of five and a TBRI practitioner. The conversation begins with Kayla sharing her journey from being a youth pastor to becoming a foster parent, highlighting the challenges and joys of welcoming five siblings into her home overnight. Kayla discusses the emotional complexities of parenting children from traumatic backgrounds, particularly the grief she experienced when her father passed away just as her new children were moving in. The hosts and Kayla delve into the importance of understanding trauma-informed care and the necessity of regulating one's own emotions as a parent to create a safe environment for children who have faced significant hardships.

As the discussion progresses, Kayla emphasizes the need for community support for foster families, sharing her experiences with both helpful and unhelpful forms of assistance. She stresses that love alone is not enough; foster parents must also be equipped with knowledge and resources to effectively support their children. The episode concludes with Kayla offering practical advice for future foster parents, urging them to meet children where they are emotionally and to be patient as they navigate the complexities of building trust and relationships. This heartfelt conversation is a testament to the resilience of foster families and the importance of community in the foster care journey.

Follow Kayla on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/makingthemoffitts/

Checkout our free trauma training workshop:
https://americaskidsbelong.org/lp/trauma-sensitivity-workshop-training/

Takeaways:

  • Love is not enough; understanding is crucial.
  • Meet children where they are emotionally.
  • Community support is vital for foster families.
  • Regulate yourself before attempting to regulate a child.
  • Foster parents need tangible help, not just good intentions.

Episode 86 – Transforming Trauma Into Triumph: Practical Tips and Tools with Jeanette Yoffee

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, host Travis Vangsnes and co-host Courtney Williams welcome Jeanette Yoffee, a clinical psychologist and advocate for foster care and adoption. Jeanette shares her personal journey through foster care and adoption, emphasizing the importance of understanding grief and loss in children. She discusses the significance of open adoption, the need for connection, and the various interventions she has developed to help children cope with their experiences.

Jeanette also introduces her book, 'The Traumatized and At-Risk Youth Toolbox,' which provides practical tools for parents and caregivers. The conversation highlights the importance of mattering and connection for children in foster care, encouraging foster parents to create a safe and supportive environment for their children.

Checkout her website and all her tools and resources:
https://www.jeanetteyoffe.com/

Takeaways
  • Jeanette Yoffe shares her personal journey through foster care and adoption.
  • Understanding grief and loss is crucial for children in foster care.
  • Open adoption allows children to maintain connections with their birth families.
  • Children need to know they matter and are valued.
  • Interventions like the 'sad bag' help children cope with grief.
  • Foster parents should lean into the discomfort of children's feelings.
  • Jeanette's book provides practical tools for parents and caregivers.
  • Children often recycle questions about their past as they develop.
  • It's important to separate a child's behavior from their identity.
  • Creating a safe environment helps children thrive. 

Episode 85 – How to Keep Going as a Foster Mom: Encouragement and Inspiration with Jamie Finn

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, host Brian Mavis and co-host Courtney Williams interview Jamie Finn, a prominent figure in the foster care community. Jamie shares her personal journey into foster care, the impact on her biological children, and the importance of self-care for foster parents. They discuss her book 'God Loves Kids', the need for supportive communities, and the challenges foster parents face, including burnout and the reasons many quit. Jamie emphasizes the importance of saying yes to children in need and the eternal impact of foster care.

Pickup Jamie's new book--God Loves Kids: A Gospel Centered Book About Foster Care
https://a.co/d/052zNuJ9

Checkout her org: Foster the Family
https://www.fosterthefamily.org/

Instagram:
@fosterthefamilyblog

Takeaways
  • Jamie Finn is a well-known advocate in the foster care community.
  • Foster care can significantly impact biological children in positive ways.
  • Self-care is crucial for foster parents to avoid burnout.
  • Foster parents need to feel supported and seen in their roles.
  • The goal of foster care is often reunification, which can be challenging for foster parents.
  • Children in foster care need families, not just temporary homes.
  • Every moment spent with foster children can have lasting effects.
  • Foster parents should be trauma-informed to better support the children in their care.
  • Community support is essential for the sustainability of foster care.
  • The journey of foster care is filled with both challenges and rewards.