Category Foster Friendly Podcast

A Dream, a Phone Call, and the Amazing Adoption Story That Followed with Callie Murray

In this episode of the Foster Friendly podcast, hosts Kristin Allender and Travis Vangsnes, along with Callie Murray, delve into the complexities of fostering and adoption. Callie shares her personal journey of fostering four siblings and the emotional and logistical challenges that come with it. The conversation highlights the importance of community support, the misconceptions surrounding foster care, and the profound impact of empathy and vulnerability in the fostering experience. 

Callie also shares about her experiences with adopting older children and the dynamics that come with it. She discusses the challenges faced by both the adopted children and her biological kids, the realities of adoption day, and the importance of community support for vulnerable children. 

Callie also reflects on how her journey into writing a novel about historical adoption stories intertwined with her personal experiences, emphasizing the empathy gained through storytelling. The discussion highlights the significance of belonging and the various ways individuals can contribute to supporting children in need.

Follow Callie and grab a copy of her book: "The Brunswick"
https://www.calliemurray.com/

Takeaways
  • Fostering can reveal the messiness of our lives.
  • Well-intentioned statements can sometimes be cringeworthy.
  • Attachment is crucial for children in foster care.
  • Community support is vital for fostering families.
  • The transition to a new family can be overwhelming.
  • Creative help from friends can make a big difference.
  • It's important to accept help and not do it all alone.
  • Fostering changes family dynamics significantly.
  • Misconceptions about fostering can create fear.
  • Logistics in fostering can be unexpectedly complex. The logistics of family life can be overwhelming, especially with multiple children.
  • Adopting older children can disrupt family dynamics but also create unique bonds.
  • Biological children may struggle with their roles when new siblings are adopted.
  • Adoption day is a mix of joy and unexpected challenges.
  • It's essential to provide older children with a sense of belonging.
  • Resources are available for families adopting older children or sibling groups.
  • Adoption can be financially accessible with state support.
  • Writing can serve as a powerful tool for empathy and understanding.
  • Community involvement is crucial in supporting vulnerable children.
  • Everyone can contribute to the welfare of children in need, even without adopting. 

From 30 Foster Homes and 13 Schools to Finally Finding Stability with Tristian Smith

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, Tristian Smith shares his profound journey through the foster care system, detailing the challenges he faced, including multiple placements and the emotional toll of transitioning between homes. He reflects on the impact of these experiences on his personal development and academic success, as well as the importance of supportive foster parents.

Tristian emphasizes the need for understanding and patience from foster parents, highlighting the significance of ordinary moments in building relationships with children in care. He also discusses his memoir, 'Against All Odds,' which details his journey through loss, abuse, and resilience. The conversation emphasizes the need for foster parents to be more engaged and the significance of mundane experiences in a child's life. Tristian advocates for a system that prioritizes lasting relationships and the emotional well-being of children in foster care.

Pickup a copy of his book "Against All Odds"
https://a.co/d/01AHVF7K

Takeaways
  • Tristian entered foster care at age seven after his mother's death.
  • He experienced nearly 30 foster homes and 13 different schools.
  • Abandonment and attachment issues were significant challenges for him.
  • Many foster parents lacked the training to support children effectively.
  • Positive experiences with foster parents can have a lasting impact.
  • Academic success was achieved despite frequent school transitions.
  • Foster parents should not take children's behavior personally.
  • Building rapport with children is crucial for their emotional well-being.
  • Ordinary moments can create meaningful connections with foster children.
  • Children in foster care often long for simple, everyday family interactions. Kids miss out on mundane experiences with families.
  • It's the little things that become the big things.
  • Tristan's memoir aims to inspire foster youth.
  • Support systems need to understand their impact.
  • Retention of good foster parents is essential.
  • Stability and relationships are crucial for youth.
  • A court order alone doesn't provide belonging.
  • Foster youth need consistent adults in their lives.
  • Education is vital for children in foster care.
  • Tristian's journey highlights resilience and hope.

Foster Care Alum Shares on Trafficking, Trauma, and Finding Hope with Sofia Pantoja

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Kristin Allender and Travis Vangsnes interview Sophia Pantoja who shares her experiences growing up in the foster care system. Sophia discusses her journey from entering care at age ten due to her parents' drug addiction to her experiences in various foster homes and a group home. She reflects on the challenges she faced, including behavioral issues, feelings of isolation, and the impact of her upbringing on her maturity.

Sophia also shares a harrowing experience with sex trafficking after running away from a group home, emphasizing the importance of awareness and support for vulnerable youth. The conversation concludes with Sophia offering valuable insights for foster parents on how to create a safe and open environment for their foster children. She also reflects on her transition from nursing to social work, driven by her desire to help others. The conversation concludes with insights into the I Belong project, which aims to support foster children in finding adoptive families.

Checkout the I Belong Project:
https://americaskidsbelong.org/meet-the-kids/

Takeaways
  • Sophia entered foster care at age ten due to parental drug addiction.
  • She experienced multiple placements, including a group home.
  • Behavioral issues stemmed from feeling misunderstood and isolated.
  • Coping mechanisms included seeking independence and maturity.
  • Sophia's experiences shaped her perspective on adulthood.
  • She emphasizes the importance of not feeling alone in struggles.
  • Trafficking can occur when youth feel they have no safe options.
  • Foster parents should create an open and supportive environment.
  • Many foster homes are not safe spaces for children.
  • Building trust is crucial for foster youth to share their experiences. It's important to help foster kids see their self-worth.
  • Foster children need a sense of normalcy and freedom.
  • Shared experiences can empower foster youth.
  • Love and stability are essential for foster children.
  • Foster alumni can provide valuable insights to current foster kids.
  • Transitioning from nursing to social work can be fulfilling.
  • Foster care has both positives and negatives.
  • Encouragement is vital for foster alumni.
  • Compassion is crucial in the field of social work.
  • The I Belong project helps connect foster kids with families.

From Foster Care to the Air Force to the Stage with Sensei Dave Armstrong

This episode kicks off the Foster Friendly Podcast’s "aging out" series with Sensei Dave Armstrong, a foster care and juvenile justice alum, former Air Force veteran, mentor, author, and advocate. Dave shares how instability, trauma, and survival shaped his early years, and how two consistent adults helped redirect his life toward service, discipline, and purpose.

Travis, Kristin, and Dave discuss what foster parents need to understand about trust, why youth from foster care often gravitate toward the military, and how authentic, steady adult support can change a child’s trajectory. Dave also explains the thinking behind his book, his nonprofit work, and why he believes every caring adult should pick one kid and stay with them.

Book Sensei Dave to speak and checkout his books and resources:
https://www.upna.net/speaking

Takeaways
  • Sensei Dave's background and journey from foster care to military service
  • The importance of authentic relationships and trust-building with foster youth
  • The role of mentorship and consistent adult presence in youth development
  • The impact of martial arts on discipline, respect, and personal growth
  • The significance of understanding trauma and individual needs in foster care
  • Strategies for foster parents to build trust and resilience
  • The connection between military service and life skills for foster youth
  • The importance of hope and positive identity in overcoming adversity
  • Authentic relationships and consistency are crucial for foster youth to build trust.
  • Martial arts can teach discipline, respect, and humility, transforming lives.
  • Foster parents should avoid expecting immediate trust; trust is earned over time.
  • Every child is unique and requires tailored support and understanding.
  • Mentors and caring adults can significantly alter the trajectory of foster youth.
  • Building a safe, supportive environment is essential for healing and growth.
  • Foster youth need to feel that their lives matter and that they have agency.
  • Resilience can be cultivated through hope, purpose, and positive relationships.
  • The military provides structure, discipline, and a sense of belonging that can benefit foster youth.
  • Impacting even one child's life can be a profound and lasting legacy.

A Tribute to Brian Mavis’s Leadership Impact and Big Wins for Foster Care

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Travis Vangsnes and Kristen Allender reflect on the impactful leadership of Brian Mavis (co founder of America's Kids Belong) who is taking on a new ministry role and stepping out of the organization and the podcast. They share his memorable quotes and leadership principles that have shaped AKB's work in the nonprofit sector, emphasizing the importance of community support, family over programs, and the need for asset-based approaches to community change.

The conversation shifts to the Foster Friendly initiative, highlighting its recent achievements in Tennessee, including an innovation award and the activation of over a thousand businesses to support foster families! They also delve into the Foster Friendly app, explaining its purpose and how it connects foster families with community resources. Finally, they look ahead to upcoming conversations and initiatives, emphasizing the importance of sharing stories and experiences from those who have experienced foster care.

Download the Foster Friendly App:
https://americaskidsbelong.org/foster-friendly-communities/foster-friendly-app/

Pickup a copy of Brian's book- Go Upstream: Diving Into Foster Care To Heal 10 Social Wounds
https://a.co/d/04kn7GW0

Learn more how your business can become Foster Friendly:
https://americaskidsbelong.org/foster-friendly-business/

 Takeaways
  • Brian Mavis transitioned to a local pastoring role, leaving a significant impact on America's Kids Belong.
  • Personal hobbies, like horseback riding, can provide essential self-care and stress relief.
  • The right people in an organization matter more than impressive credentials.
  • A great family is more beneficial than any program for children in need.
  • Real community change should focus on existing assets rather than deficits.
  • Leadership should prioritize retention of current supporters before recruiting new ones.
  • Humility in leadership includes acknowledging past mistakes and learning from them.
  • Community support systems are crucial for fostering families.
  • Equine therapy can be a valuable resource for emotional well-being.
  • Collaboration among sectors is essential for effective community change. Trust is essential in the nonprofit sector.
  • Collaboration can lead to greater impact.
  • Brian Mavis was a visionary leader.
  • Foster Friendly has activated over a thousand businesses.
  • The Foster Friendly app connects families with resources.
  • Community support is crucial for foster families.
  • Innovative solutions can emerge from unexpected partnerships.
  • Recognizing the contributions of individuals is important.
  • Future conversations will focus on aging out of foster care.
  • National Adoption Awareness Month will bring new resources.

Celebrating Our 100th Episode and Meet Our New Cohost Kristin Allender

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, Travis and Courtney celebrate the show’s 100th episode while welcoming Kristin Allender as the podcast’s new cohost. As Courtney prepares to step away, Kristin shares her background as an adoptee, social worker, longtime Executive Director of Tennessee Kids Belong, and now CEO of America's Kids Belong. She reflects on a career that has taken her from child abuse investigations in Los Angeles to helping build foster-friendly communities across the country. 

The three look back on memorable episodes, lessons learned, and the perspectives that have shaped the podcast over its first 100 episodes. Courtney shares how hearing from foster parents, former foster youth, adoptees, and other voices has encouraged her even after 20 years of fostering. The conversation also explores the importance of keeping children at the center of foster care decisions and creating communities that support foster families rather than simply recruiting more of them.   

Kristin shares an inspiring example of what it means for everyone to find their role in foster care. She tells the story of a Tennessee car dealership that began helping foster families access larger vehicles so siblings could remain together—and how that simple idea inspired other dealerships to get involved. The episode closes with a look at what’s ahead for the podcast, including an upcoming series featuring former foster youth who have aged out of care, and Courtney offers a final message of gratitude to listeners who have supported the show through its first 100 episodes.   

Takeaways

  •  The Foster Friendly Podcast celebrates its 100th episode. 
  •  Kristin Allender is joining the podcast as its new cohost. 
  •  Kristin’s experience as an adoptee helped lead her toward a career in social work. 
  •  Her career has included child abuse investigations, adoption work, and leadership within America’s Kids Belong. 
  •  Courtney reflects on the encouragement and practical tools she has gained from the podcast while fostering. 
  •  Listening to different perspectives can help even experienced foster parents continue learning and growing. 
  •  Children must remain the priority in every part of the foster care system. 
  •  Foster families need strong communities of support if they are going to thrive. 
  •  Recruiting foster families without simultaneously building support around them can contribute to burnout and attrition. 
  •  Everyone can play a role in foster care, even if they never become a foster or adoptive parent. 
  •  Businesses can use their unique resources and expertise to remove practical barriers for foster families. 
  •  A Tennessee car dealership helped foster families access larger vehicles so sibling groups could stay together. 
  •  Small acts of community support can create ripple effects far beyond a single family. 
  •  The podcast has worked to elevate the voices of former foster youth and others with lived experience. 
  •  Upcoming episodes will include a series focused on young adults who have aged out of foster care. 
  •  Courtney encourages listeners to continue supporting the podcast as it enters its next chapter. 
  •  Every child deserves to have a voice, to be loved, and to be seen.

Courtney’s Farewell Episode: Celebrating Her Incredible Impact at America’s Kids Belong

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, the team bids farewell to Courtney, who is stepping down from her role as cohost of the podcast and being on staff at America's Kids Belong. The conversation reflects on her contributions, the new chapter in her life, and the impact she has made on the podcast and the foster care community. Travis and Brian share their memories and surprise tributes (including from her husband Bobby), highlighting Courtney's leadership and dedication to fostering and parenting. 

The three also discuss the importance of community support for foster families, the challenges of navigating the foster care system, and the need for businesses to engage with and support these families. Courtney shares her personal journey, the significance of emotional vulnerability, and the lessons learned from her experiences in fostering and adopting children. The conversation culminates in a tribute from Courtney's husband, Bobby, highlighting her dedication and passion for the work she does.

Takeaways
  • Courtney is stepping down from the podcast but will remain involved as a guest.
  • She will continue her work in foster care and help her husband with their construction company.
  • Courtney's experience has provided her with a well-rounded perspective on parenting and foster care.
  • She has made a significant impact on the podcast and the community.
  • Travis and Brian reflect on their experiences working with Courtney.
  • Courtney's children are well-behaved and respectful, showcasing her parenting skills.
  • The podcast has been a platform for Courtney to share her insights and experiences.
  • Courtney's transition is bittersweet, filled with both excitement and sadness.
  • The team expresses gratitude for Courtney's contributions and leadership.
  • Courtney's journey is a testament to her dedication to foster care and family. Emotional vulnerability is a key aspect of human connection.
  • Foster parents need to be resource finders.
  • It's important to let go of expectations in foster care.
  • Businesses can play a crucial role in supporting foster families.
  • The foster care system must prioritize the needs of children.
  • Adoption requires understanding the perspectives of adoptees.
  • Being present in the messy middle is essential for foster parents.
  • Community support can significantly impact foster care outcomes.
  • Foster care is a way to influence future generations positively.
  • Keep pressing on in the mission of supporting children.

How Loving Beyond Fears Changed the Life of a Medically Fragile Child with Judy Wright

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Courtney Williams and Travis Vangsnes engage in a heartfelt conversation with Judy Wright, a foster parent who, alongside her late husband, fostered 55 children, many of whom were medically fragile. Judy focuses on telling the incredible story of fostering Jaden, a two month old medically fragile baby who Judy was told would not survive, born with severe complications and later found to have no pancreas. 

Judy's story is a testament to the power of love, resilience, and the impact of fostering on both the children and the caregivers. She discusses the challenges and triumphs of caregiving and navigating the foster care system, emphasizing the importance of love and attachment in fostering. The conversation also highlights the significance of advocacy for children in care and the legacy of love through the John and Judy Wright Scholarship, aimed at supporting youth from foster care in their pursuit of education.

Buy the book "Just Hold Her" or book Judy to speak:
https://justholdher.com/index.html

Takeaways
  • Judy and her husband fostered 55 children over 12 years.
  • They were named Michigan Foster Parents of the Year in 2012.
  • Judy's memoir is based on her experiences with a medically fragile child.
  • Fostering can start with short-term or respite care.
  • The importance of community support in caregiving.
  • Breast milk was crucial for Jaden's survival.
  • Judy faced significant challenges in caring for Jaden.
  • The emotional connection between Judy and Jaden was profound.
  • Jaden's diagnosis of being born without a pancreas was shocking.
  • The journey of fostering is filled with both challenges and triumphs. I have no idea how long.
  • This really is a miraculous story.
  • NICUs are awesome, but they don't have time.
  • This baby just never had that opportunity.
  • Love gives you eyes.
  • We don't get to decide where they land.
  • You don't hold back on that attachment.
  • Children deserve to have a voice.
  • It's love in abundance.
  • You need to advocate for them.

Lessons From a Foster Dad: Building Stability and Belonging in Kids with Corey McKinney

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, co-hosts Travis Vangsnes and Courtney Williams welcome Corey McKinney, a thought leader in peer pressure and bullying, to discuss his journey as a foster parent and mentor. Corey shares his experiences in basketball, the challenges of fostering, and the importance of instilling hope and structure in the lives of foster children. He emphasizes the need for patience and understanding in the foster care system, and the impact of mentorship on youth development.

The three also discuss the profound impact of foster parenting, particularly focusing on the challenges faced by foster parents and the importance of communication, love, and support for children in care. They explore the unique challenges of parenting teenagers, the prevalence of bullying among youth in foster care, and the critical role that male figures can play in providing stability and guidance. The discussion emphasizes the need for perseverance, understanding, and the power of love in helping foster children navigate their difficult circumstances.

Book Corey to speak at your event or lead a workshop. You can also grab a copy of his book!
https://www.coreymckinney.net/

 Takeaways
  • Corey McKinney is a thought leader in peer pressure and bullying.
  • Basketball teaches valuable life lessons about teamwork and overcoming adversity.
  • Corey's upbringing was influenced by a mentor who showed him the importance of discipline.
  • Fostering was initially a reluctant decision for Corey, but he eventually embraced it.
  • It's crucial to communicate with biological children about fostering to ensure a smooth transition.
  • Foster children often come into the system due to circumstances beyond their control.
  • Foster parents may face challenges, including the need to return children to the system.
  • Creating a structured environment helps foster children develop essential life skills.
  • Helping others is a vital lesson Corey instills in the children he fosters.
  • Messages of love and support are crucial for children in the foster care system. Foster parenting is about providing a safe place for children to heal.
  • Communication and patience are essential when working with teens.
  • Setting consistent standards is crucial for behavioral improvement.
  • Bullying can have severe consequences; children need to know they are not alone.
  • It's important to address bullying from both perspectives: the victim and the bully.
  • Male figures in foster care can have a significant impact on children's behavior and development.
  • Fostering can start small, like respite care, to ease into the role.
  • Everyone can contribute to helping children in foster care, even if not as foster parents.
  • The ICE method can help children deal with bullying effectively.
  • Love and support are vital for the success of children in foster care.

Episode 96 – How Systems Fail to Address Long-Term Grief, and Loss — And What We Can Do Differently with Shenandoah Chefalo

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Courtney Williams and Travis Vangsnes welcome Shenandoah Chefalo, an author and advocate for trauma-informed systems change. Shenandoah shares her personal journey through foster care, emphasizing the complexities of grief and loss experienced by children in the system. The conversation explores the impact of systems on grief, the challenges of hyperindependence, and the importance of empowering children with choices. 

Shenandoah also discusses her memoir as a tool for healing and the significance of curiosity in understanding children's behaviors. This episode highlights the need for a nuanced approach to supporting children in foster care, recognizing that healing is an ongoing journey. Shenandoah and the hosts discuss the complexities of the foster care system, emphasizing the importance of flexibility, community support, and understanding the unique needs of foster youth. 

They explore how rules can sometimes hinder rather than help, and the necessity of fostering connections between biological and foster families. The discussion highlights the need for adults to recognize and honor the grief that children in foster care experience, advocating for a more compassionate and understanding approach to caregiving.

Pickup a copy of her book: "The Best Bunny: The Adventures of Lil Shen (and her inspirational sidekick, Bunny Best)"
https://a.co/d/0iA5k1Tm

Takeaways
  • Shenandoah emphasizes the importance of moving from survival to stability and belonging.
  • Grief in foster care is often overlooked and not addressed by systems.
  • Hyperindependence can hinder the ability to accept help and support.
  • Writing a memoir can help organize fragmented experiences and promote healing.
  • Ambiguous loss affects children in care, as they miss their previous lives.
  • Children in foster care often feel uncomfortable in new environments.
  • Empowering children with choices can help them feel more secure.
  • Curiosity about children's behaviors can lead to better understanding and solutions.
  • The system often fails to address the grief of both children and workers.
  • Healing is an ongoing journey, not a one-time event. Foster parents can push back on rigid rules for the benefit of the child.
  • Community support is crucial for foster youth and their families.
  • Flexibility in rules can lead to better outcomes for children.
  • Children need to feel they are not disposable and that they belong.
  • Behavior in children often stems from grief and loss.
  • Foster care systems should encourage connections between biological and foster families.
  • Adults need to be consistent and understanding in their approach to foster youth.
  • Curiosity about a child's behavior can lead to better understanding and support.
  • It is important to recognize that every child is unique and requires different approaches.
  • Belonging should not be seen as a reward but a fundamental need.

Episode 95 – Foster Care 101: A Back to the Basics Guide to Foster Parenting

In this episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, Brian, Travis, and Courtney celebrate the podcast’s two-year anniversary while reflecting on the impact of sharing real foster care stories and experiences. The conversation explores the realities of foster care from both the perspective of foster parents and those learning about the system from the outside.
The hosts discuss the different types of foster care placements, including emergency, short-term, long-term, and youth in conflict placements, as well as the intake process and the difficult decisions foster families must make when accepting a child into their home. They highlight the importance of understanding family dynamics, communicating boundaries with caseworkers, and recognizing the emotional and logistical challenges that come with fostering.
The conversation also dives into the first month after placement, the overwhelming nature of adjusting to a new child in the home, the responsibilities foster parents carry, and the importance of strong support systems. Topics include visitation with biological parents, navigating relationships within the child welfare system, and the misconceptions many people have about foster families.
Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize that foster families are everyday people making an extraordinary commitment. By sharing personal stories and practical insights, the podcast aims to build empathy, educate the community, and encourage greater support for children and families involved in foster care.

Learn more about becoming a foster parent with our "Fostering Front Door" resources:

https://americaskidsbelong.org/lp/ffd-potential-foster-parent-journey/

Takeaways
  • The Foster Friendly Podcast celebrates two years of conversations focused on educating and supporting the foster care community.
  • Sharing real foster care stories helps bridge the gap between those involved in foster care and those who may not understand the system.
  • Foster care placements can include emergency, short-term, long-term, and youth in conflict situations.
  • The intake process involves carefully evaluating a child’s needs and circumstances.
  • Foster parents often receive placement calls unexpectedly and must make difficult decisions quickly.
  • Families should communicate their preferences, boundaries, and limitations with caseworkers.
  • The decision to accept a placement should consider the needs of both the child and the foster family.
  • Foster care impacts entire families and requires thoughtful consideration of family dynamics.
  • The first month after placement can be one of the most challenging and overwhelming periods for foster families.
  • Strong relationships with caseworkers and community members can make the foster care journey more manageable.
  • Foster parents handle significant responsibilities, including appointments, paperwork, daily care, and emotional support.
  • Visitation with biological parents is an important part of many foster care experiences.
  • Foster families are not extraordinary people—they are ordinary people choosing to do something extraordinary.
  • Community involvement and support systems are essential for helping foster families succeed.
  • Greater understanding and empathy can come from learning about the realities of foster care.
  • The needs of the child should remain the central focus in every foster care decision.