How Do I Support Youth in My Home?
Each placement of a child in foster care introduces unique gifts and blessings, as well as unique challenges. Here you’ll be able to explore some things to consider and get practical tips for some common challenges.
Due to the nature of foster care, navigating holidays with foster youth can be a delicate and sometimes challenging experience. When thinking of holidays, most of us think of happy memories and times of celebration. For a child in care, a setting like this can be completely overwhelming due to the emotions they often have around family gatherings, holidays, and birthdays.
Holidays often come with emotions such as:
- Uncomfortable because it is different from what they are used to
- Confusion
- Guilt (they are getting more than their family members are or for practicing a different tradition)
- Sadness
- Overwhelmed (the people, events, gifts, etc)
Be ready to face these big emotions, and most definitely don’t expect a child in care to feel grateful for the things you think they should. Perhaps poverty may have affected how the family celebrated, or maybe they were of a religion that did not celebrate the same holidays.
Overly busy schedules or too many changes at once can create stress, which is why the holidays can add more stress to youth who are already living with a great deal of stress. I hear people repeatedly say things like, “I’m going to spoil the heck out of them because I bet they’ve never experienced Christmas like we have before.” While that seems kind and loving, it can be very overwhelming. It may also make a child feel bad if they return home and things look different. Avoid high-stress games, gifts, and expectations.
Consider sharing this blog post with your family and friends who will be around your family during the holidays:
Creating a sense of normalcy for foster youth means helping them feel safe, valued, and included in everyday life, even while they navigate the instability of foster care. Here are some key ways to support that:
1. Build Consistent Routines
- Keep predictable schedules for meals, school, bedtime, and family activities.
- Communicate changes early so they don’t feel blindsided.
- Celebrate small milestones—birthdays, holidays, school events—just as you would for other kids.
2. Promote Belonging
- Give them choices about decorating their room or choosing clothes to make the space feel like theirs.
- Display their artwork, photos, or schoolwork to show you value their presence.
- Use inclusive language like “our family” rather than highlighting their foster status.
3. Support Friendships and Community
- Encourage participation in extracurricular activities, sports, or clubs.
- Facilitate visits or calls with healthy friends or relatives when appropriate.
- Allow sleepovers or outings if it’s safe and permitted by regulations, so they can share normal childhood experiences.
4. Empower Their Voice
- Involve them in family decisions that affect them (meals, weekend plans, room décor).
- Ask for their input on therapy, activities, or goals. Feeling heard reinforces their sense of control.
5. Respect Their History and Identity
- Learn about and honor their cultural, religious, or family traditions.
- Be sensitive to triggers or memories tied to past trauma.
- Avoid stigmatizing phrases like “foster kid”—use their name and treat them as a full member of the household.
6. Encourage Typical Youth Experiences
- Support their participation in sports teams, school dances, clubs, and field trips—these shared experiences build friendships and confidence.
- Facilitate opportunities like sleepovers or outings (within safety and agency guidelines) so they don’t miss out on normal childhood fun.
- Help older youth pursue milestones such as driver’s education, learner’s permits, and driver’s licenses—important steps toward independence.
7. Model Stability and Patience
- Be patient with trust-building—it may take time for them to feel safe.
- Show consistent love and discipline—firm but gentle boundaries communicate security.
- Validate their feelings; acknowledge that adjusting to a new home is hard.
Through fostering, your children WILL feel the emotional effects of children coming and going. They WILL feel the physical toll and will need to be flexible with their space, time, and expectations. However, fostering can shape them into individuals who are extremely empathetic becasue they will experience interactions with children and youth from varying backgrounds.
To support your permanent children’s needs…
- Check in with them before, during, and after a placement.
- Make sure their voices are being heard.
- Find ways to spend one-on-one time with them.
- Consider getting THEM a mentor.
- Be sure they have a safe place for their special belongings.
“Foster care isn’t for everyone, but I believe many people are interested but hesitant due to having children in the home. I can say with all sincerity that my children have learned more about life through fostering than through anything else. Time and time again, coaches, teachers, and parents comment on how well my children can connect with others, especially those going through hard things. Foster care has grown our children’s empathy and compassion beyond measure. Foster care has changed my children… for the better!” -Courtney Williams
