Foster care is a journey filled with challenges, joy, heartbreak, and immense love. Many caregivers step into this space with good intentions but often find themselves unprepared for the realities they face. If you’re considering fostering or are fostering, understanding the emotional, physical, and spiritual support needed is crucial.
Thankfully we have a really helpful guide in this space. Kayla Moffitt, is a foster mom, influencer in the foster care space, and has been a trained Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) practitioner. Kayla recently joined the Foster Friendly Podcast with America’s Kids Belong. Her insights shed light on how love, boundaries, patience, and self-regulation play pivotal roles in creating a safe and healing environment for children from hard places.
The Reality of Fostering: Love Is Not Enough
Many expect that love alone can heal the wounds of trauma. Kayla emphasizes a vital point: love isn’t enough. Though love is foundational, it doesn’t automatically heal deep trauma or manage complex behaviors. She shares, “You can have all the love in the world, and I did, and I do, but I lacked understanding of what you need to succeed.” Future foster parents must recognize that emotional preparation and trauma-informed approaches are equally necessary.
Key takeaway: Love must be combined with understanding, patience, and trauma-informed care strategies to help children rebuild trust and develop healthy relationships.
Meeting Kids Where They Are: The Power of Attunement and Patience
A recurring theme in Kayla’s stories is the importance of meeting children exactly where they are—mentally, emotionally, and physically. She highlights that expecting these children to meet age-based milestones without considering their trauma history is unrealistic.
Giving children space to process their trauma, grief, and new environment is critical. Kayla advises, “Lower your expectations and be patient. They need time to grieve, learn a new normal, and trust again.”
Listen to episode here or watch below:
Building Trust Using Trauma-Informed Practices (TBRI)
Kayla is a certified TBRI practitioner—a trauma-informed care model emphasizing relationship and regulation. Her advice for foster parents: regulate yourself first.
She states, “You have to regulate yourself before you can even attempt to regulate a child.” When parents are dysregulated—angry, anxious, or reactive—they inadvertently reinforce walls that children have built for safety. Practical tools she recommends include:
Taking deep breaths and taking a moment to pause and breathe before responding are really helpful tips.
Why it matters: When you regulate your own emotional state, you model calm, trust, and safety—keys to helping kids feel secure enough to open up and trust.
The Role of Self-Regulation in Discipline and Relationship
Discipline without regulation can cause damage. Kayla emphasizes, “We need to model self-control and respect in our reactions to teach kids how to self-regulate.” She admits that in her early days, reacting out of frustration caused harm—both to relationships and to her own mental health. Her advice: “Catch your calm.” When upset, remove yourself from the situation, even if just for a moment, then return with a calm tone and respectful words.
Foster care is a complex, emotional, and lifelong journey. While love is essential, it must be paired with trauma-informed understanding, patience, and community support. Kayla’s story reminds us that meeting children exactly where they are—without expectations—is key to their healing. Equip yourself with compassion, self-regulation, and practical support, and you can make a lasting difference in a child’s life.
Checkout more of Kayla’s work here. Her honesty and realness make her a voice that many foster and adoptive families need.
