Our family has moved around for various ministry purposes and have been members of four churches while providing foster care. Three of these churches did a wonderful job of being “foster-friendly” and one could have done much better. I have heard from MANY foster families that they left the church after starting to foster. Why? Because they didn’t feel welcome any longer, often because the children in their care needed different approaches or for others to understand how trauma affects the brain.
So what made a faith community feel foster-friendly for our fostering family? Here are a few of my thoughts:
Dropping the kids off in children’s classes where you know the teachers are trauma-informed is one of the greatest reliefs! When teachers know how to respond to needs and don’t look at the children with thoughts of, “What’s wrong with them?” the foster parents can feel at ease. It breaks my heart to hear foster families say they will not return to church because the childcare workers couldn’t handle the children or kicked them out of children’s ministry.
When we’ve had some very challenging children, it was great to have the church provide a one-on-one teen or adult buddy so they could safely remain in the children’s area and we weren’t called out of service for every distraction. We understand that children’s ministry workers can’t do it all but a church CAN offer a creative solution of a buddy to make it work for everyone.
Our bio children are affected by fostering too. Having men and women within the church recognize their need for mentors and time away from the house is a huge blessing. Seeing and understanding the needs of our whole family is a true blessing!
It’s helpful to know we won’t go to church and be asked inappropriate questions, ESPECIALLY in front of the kids. Learn the language that is and isn’t appropriate so the youth in care and the foster parents don’t feel ostracized by the church.
The FREE online webinar, “Helping Foster Families” dives into what foster families find helpful, what language to use and not use, and how to come alongside foster families best.
Provide the space for a foster care support group. Foster parents need to connect with other parents going through similar situations. Churches around the country are seeing this need and providing the space, childcare, and even a meal!
The most support we’ve ever felt from a church community was when we were given a WRAP team to support us. We had three people assigned to our family that provided the following:
- Words of encouragement
- Respite care
- Acts of service
- Prayer
If you’re interested in learning more about WRAP, fill out the form at the bottom of this page: https://americaskidsbelong.org/about-americas-kids-belong/
The church should be the safest place for foster parents and all kids in their care. Let’s help more faith communities become Foster Friendly so we don’t see families leave the church once they start the hard but incredible journey of foster care.
Help your church become Foster Friendly and be listed on the Foster Friendly App:
Our Foster Friendly App has a Faith section that includes Foster Friendly Faith Communities. Faith communities can be on the app if they do at least 2 of these 3 best practices:
To learn more, go to americaskidsbelong.org/foster-friendly-communities/foster-friendly-faith
