In a recent episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast, hosts Courtney Williams and Travis Vangsnes welcomed Jeanette Yoffe, a seasoned psychotherapist who herself was in foster care and later adopted. With over 20 years of experience, Jeanette offers a compassionate perspective on healing, attachment, and the importance of understanding children’s stories.
Unveiling the Journey: A Personal and Professional Perspective on Foster Care and Adoption
Understanding the nuances of foster care and adoption begins with listening to those who’ve lived the experience. Jeanette was placed in foster care at just 15 months old when her mother, an immigrant from Argentina, made a series of overwhelmed and mental health challenges that led to her relinquishing parental rights. Despite these early upheavals, Jeanette’s journey—marked by searching, reunion, and healing—shaped her passionate work supporting others in similar circumstances.
Her personal story underscores a vital truth: children in foster care often carry a story written in survival. They may have experienced multiple placements, loss, and systemic challenges that leave deep emotional scars. Jeanette’s lived experience fuels her mission to create tools that help children and families rewrite their stories with safety, stability, and love.
The Importance of Attachment and Open Conversations
One of Jeanette’s core messages is the significance of attachment and honesty. She emphasizes that children are naturally inclined to form attachments—whether to foster families, birth parents, or caregivers—and these bonds are essential for healing. Open adoption and foster care relationships are vital because they acknowledge that grief, loss, and longing are part of the journey.
Jeanette advocates for transparency, saying, “Kids need to make sense of what happened to them. If not, they can get stuck looking back, which leads to anxiety and depression.” She encourages caregivers to foster dialogue through tools like “question boxes,” where children can project their curiosities and concerns without feeling overwhelmed or pressured to find immediate answers. This process helps children feel seen and heard, reinforcing their sense of value and belonging.
Listen to episode here or watch below:
Practical Strategies to Support Children’s Emotional Well-being
Drawing from her extensive experience, Jeanette shares several interventions designed to support children’s mental health:
- The Sad Bag and Expressive Play
Using tangible items like tear pillows or Play-Doh, children can express their grief and feelings in a safe, symbolic way. Jeanette’s “Sad Bag” helps children release bottled-up emotions and understand that crying and grieving are healthy and necessary parts of healing.
- Question Box: Honoring Curiosity
A container where children can write questions about their past and future, which adults then answer thoughtfully over time. This approach normalizes curiosity and preserves emotional safety.
- Volcano Glows: Managing Emotional Outbursts
Encouraging children to externalize feelings—like erupting feelings in a volcano craft—allows them to process intense emotions without shame or judgment.
- Grounding Techniques and Borderline Strategies
Teaching children to feel safe in their bodies through grounding exercises, body scans, and visualization helps them regain control during moments of distress.
- Storytelling and Narrative Building
Using storytelling, whether through books, plays, or animations, children can reconstruct their experiences with honesty, fostering mastery and resilience. Jeanette’s own one-woman play, “What’s Your Name, Who’s Your Daddy?”, exemplifies this powerful tool.
Addressing Grief and Loss in a Child’s Lifelong Journey
Jeanette emphasizes the ongoing nature of grief in foster and adoptive families. Notably, she highlights that children may not overtly talk about their feelings, but internalized grief manifests as anxiety, depression, or behavioral challenges—particularly during tweens and teens. Early intervention and open conversations are crucial, especially because internalized grief can lead to severe mental health issues if ignored.
For caregivers, understanding that grief is not a one-time event but a lifelong process empowers them to provide consistent, compassionate support. Jeanette underscores that parents and caregivers need to model vulnerability and repair, reinforcing that emotional honesty fosters trust and resilience.
Jeanette advocates for language that normalizes children’s feelings and experiences. For example, explaining the court process transparently “frontloads” children with information—that the judge asks questions, that they meet social workers, and that events are part of a larger system—can alleviate fears. She also stresses avoiding “adoptee-splaining” or assigning blame to birth parents, which can cause children to internalize shame and blame themselves.
Her interventions include:
Using age-appropriate stories and books that reflect reality without false promises, and explaining difficult concepts like permanency and court procedures in simple, honest terms.
Helping Children Rewrite Their Stories
A powerful quote from Jeanette states: “Every child in foster care carries a story written in survival. Our job is to help them rewrite it with safety, stability, and love.” This encapsulates her approach—shifting the focus from trauma and survival to strength and resilience.
She encourages caregivers to provide space for children to tell their stories, ask questions, and see themselves as capable of thriving. This involves: validating their feelings, providing consistent, loving presence, and creating opportunities for reconnecting with birth families when safe and appropriate.
Jeanette’s closing messages are about the critical importance of foster parents, adoptive families, and caregivers. Her message is clear: “Foster parents, you are so important.” Even a short stay in a foster home leaves an imprint—children need to know they matter, they belong, and their stories are worth telling and rewriting.
She advocates for kindness, patience, and modeling emotional regulation. When parents repair after conflicts and show vulnerability, children learn that feelings are safe to express and that they are valued.
Moving Forward: Tools for Healing and Growth
Her book, The Traumatized and At-Risk Youth Toolbox, offers over 160 interventions, tools, and strategies for supporting diverse trauma responses. It’s designed for therapists, parents, educators, and caregivers. Her YouTube channel “Jeanette-ically Speaking” provides quick, bite-sized videos on topics like grief, regulation, and building resilience Support groups and arts festivals emphasize healing through community and creativity
Her work reminds us that while trauma may be a part of a child’s story, it is not the end. With love, stability, and understanding, every child can rewrite their story filled with hope and strength.
Jeanette’s heartfelt message underscores an essential truth: children in foster care and adoption are survivors longing for connection, understanding, and love. As caregivers, educators, and allies, acknowledging their stories and providing them with the tools to process grief can pave the way for healing.
Takeaway: Whether you’re a foster parent, mental health professional, or supportive community member, your role in helping children rewrite their stories is crucial. Embrace vulnerability, offer consistent support, and remember—every child matters.
Want to Dive Deeper?
Explore Jeanette’s website, where you’ll find her extensive resources, support groups, and information about her transformative interventions and books. Stay committed to learning—your support can change a child’s life forever.
