@fosterdadflipper
His website:
https://petermutabazi.com/
Peter’s new book:
TRANSCRIPT:
Brian (00:01.316)
Hello and welcome to the Foster Friendly Podcast. I’m your host Brian Mavis and I have with me my cerebral co-host Courtney Williams. And Courtney, this podcast is gonna be airing in May and May is Foster Care Awareness Month. And because of that, we were wanting to have some particularly inspiring guests during this month. And today is the first of our interviews with
Courtney (00:13.005)
Yeah.
Brian (00:30.692)
the May slate of guests and we have Peter Mubatzi with us today. And if any of you are kind of familiar with the foster care world, you might be already familiar with Peter through his Instagram profile or he was in, I think People Magazine a few years ago, kind of really shot him up into people being aware of who he is and what he does. And he’s got a really
unique story and so Peter, welcome. We’re so glad to have you joining us today.
Peter (01:07.106)
Well, thank you, Brian Courtney, for having me. Truly a joy that you could make our kids seen and heard and through telling our stories. And so thank you.
Brian (01:16.578)
Yes, thank you. And you have an accent. so people who may not know who you are may are trying to locate where that accent is from. So Courtney, why don’t you explore that a little bit?
Courtney (01:28.263)
Yeah, so Peter is originally from Uganda and ran away from home, an abusive home at the age 10 and lived on the street for almost five years. Take us back to that a little bit, your years growing up in Uganda and how that shaped who you are today and how you got into foster care.
Brian (01:37.156)
Mmm.
Peter (01:44.558)
Well, absolutely, you so I grew up in Uganda among the…
of the poorest. Sometimes living in the United States, it’s really hard to explain what poverty means. But think this way, that your mother cannot find food for you to eat every day. That I grew up eating one meal every other day, and we could not afford beans and potatoes. So today we had beans, and the next day we had potatoes, because we had that little that we had to spread it through throughout the day. I grew up going to fetch water three to four miles away, one way, and had to do it twice.
Brian (01:53.614)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (02:17.738)
a day. So there wasn’t any time to be a child. At the age of four, I had to really grow up so quickly. And then at the age of four, I began to realize that not only were poor, but my dad was abusive in every way, shape, form you could imagine. And not just to me, but to my mother as well. So for me, I had no place to feel like there was hope outside. It was miserable. Inside, under the roof, it was just miserable by the behaviors of my father. So for me, I didn’t really have any
any way, sort of hoping for anything. So at the age of, you know, at the of four, know, age of 10, I thought my father would kill me. So I was like, why give him the opportunity to kill me? I’d rather run away and be a street kid. So that’s what I did. I ran away. Never been 20 miles away from my village. I went 500 kilometers away. And running away wasn’t like I was looking for a future. For me, I was in a way like, if I die, I’d rather die in the hands of a stranger than my own father. You know, so that’s why I ran away and became
Brian (03:16.548)
Hmm.
Peter (03:17.488)
I’m a street kid from the age of 10 until 15. And as street kids, of course, also, we’re treated more like stray animals. I lived in garbage. I smelled. Everything about me was really bad. So the way people saw us in some way made me feel like I was a garbage boy. And that became my life for sure. Then I was trying to steal from someone instead of, you know.
sending me away or calling me name, you know, he asked me my name and he changed my life from there and then. And that was the first time that another human being saw me as a human being after five years. And that’s truly what changed my life along the way.
Brian (04:00.926)
I’m curious, I’d like to hear a little bit more about that, that someone asking you about your name and what happened there.
Peter (04:08.663)
You know, so, you know.
Growing up, my father said I will never mount anything. Those are the words I had from him every day. Peter, you useless, you worthless. As a street kid, the same way people saw us garbage, you know, useless and nobody. So I wasn’t worthy being called by my name, you know? So for the first time for that stranger to stop and say, hey, what’s your name? And that really rattled me in a good way and a bad way. The good way was for the first time someone wants to know who I am. The bad part for everyone who was kind
Brian (04:14.232)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (04:24.514)
Mmm.
Peter (04:39.924)
was also abusive at the same time. So he asked me my name was a sign of run for your life because everyone was kind was also abusive in a way. So that’s really what you know in a way that rattled me but also to the for the first time someone saw me not just as a dirty little boy but rather a boy with a name and wanting to know my name would he change me.
Courtney (05:04.287)
And we’re going to get more to this, I’m assuming that has something to do with how you named your book and your foundation. And now I am known.
having a name, being known, and what that means to somebody.
Peter (05:15.37)
Absolutely. Absolutely. And that’s, you know.
I chose the name Now I’m Known to make others known because someone made me known. know, my job, my life right now is how can I make others known? Is it moms who are struggling and have lost their kids? Is it kids in foster care that somehow feels like sometimes unseen and hard? How can I make them known because someone made me known? It’s probably the promise of where that name comes from. The joy that we can make others seen, heard and known in a way.
Brian (05:48.004)
So Peter, tell us a little bit more than after you’re 15, what happens then and how do you grow into adulthood? How do you end up in the United States? Tell us about that story.
Peter (06:01.934)
Right, so at 15, I was trying to steal from this guy, you know, again, who got to know my name. And before I could steal something, he gave me something to eat, you know? And so he left. The next week he comes back. He gave me something to eat. The third week, the fourth week, I kind of knew what time he came, what car he drove, and what he bought. So I knew on Monday between four and seven, someone knew my name and someone would give me food without stealing it. So he fed me for one year and a half. And one day he said, hey, Peter,
If you had an opportunity to go to school, would you have to go to school? And I laughed because I felt like he was the stupidest human being ever. Think this way. You live in the sewer. Why the sewer? Because most people, it smells so bad that most people will never go to. So you live in that environment and for someone to come and say, would you have to go to school? know, for me, I hope to die the next day because the abuse was so, so bad. So I never hoped to have any more than a day in my life.
I go to school, was kinda like, don’t you know where I live? Don’t you know what I smell like? So I said no. So the next time he comes back, he said, hey, if you go to school, there will be lunch, dinner, and breakfast. Literally, I said, what time do we go? So it wasn’t about school. For me, it was about a meal because I had never had three meals a day. I thought only in heaven you can have three meals a day. So for him, when he said three meals, I was like, is that possible? Is that real?
Brian (07:17.444)
Hmm.
Peter (07:31.728)
but because he fed me for one year and a half, there was some kind of trust, you know? So I was like, okay, I’ll go check it out. So for me, going to school wasn’t like I wanted to be anything. It was one reason, because I had, there’ll be food there.
Brian (07:47.384)
Hmm. So you go, you go, you do, that happens for you end up going to school.
Courtney (07:49.901)
That happens when you either go to school.
Peter (07:53.356)
Yes, I end up going to school and of course there was food so I was like wait there’s food so I waited for lunch there was lunch I waited for breakfast it was so then
Every time, so here’s what changed for me. Every time I wanted to steal something from other kids, I thought about that meal. If I steal that, I’m going to miss out on the meal. So I put it back, you know? I never wear a pair of shoes until when I was 16 years old. So now I began to say, you know what? In order for me to get food, I need to wear this pair of shoes, you know? So the motivation to have that consistent with food, I was willing to follow whatever was asked to do, you know? And then along the way,
He invited me to go to his home and that’s for the first time when I got to see a man talk to his children a man smile and be kind to his family and for the first time I saw what a family looks like so that in that way I was like wait a minute I’m gonna go back to school and do well because now I know what family I want to have in future a man that is kind
that loves others but also doesn’t really abuse his family. So that’s what I inspired to do. In other words, I saw what to measure up to and that’s what became my goal. Like I’m gonna go extend school so I can just have the same family as this man does.
Brian (09:02.926)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (09:12.324)
So keep going. A lot of our listeners don’t know who you are and they’re still not even sure why we’re interviewing you yet, how this makes sense. bring us from, you graduate from school, I assume, and then you bring us into like how you come to the United States and how you build a family.
Courtney (09:13.805)
So keep going. A lot of our listeners don’t know who you are. They’re still not even sure why we’re interviewing you. Yeah, doesn’t make sense. So bring us from you graduate from school life and then bring us into like how you come to the United States and how you build a family.
Peter (09:35.47)
Right, absolutely. So then, of course, now I went to school and did well, so I excelled. So I finished high school. I went to university in Uganda. And then I went to university in England. And that’s how I came to the United States as a student. And my first day in the United States, I really struggled with my faith.
Why? Because I went to dinner and then I saw how much food was thrown away. And in some way, I began to ask my question, does God love us the same way that others can have so much to throw away, but others are dying for lack of beans? You know, so for me, I in my in my small words, I thought the Bible cannot be translated the same way, you know, and that that was really my struggle. But then I went back to where I was sleeping because I
I didn’t want to go to church anymore because I felt like I’m not the Bible only is for Americans, not for Africans in some way. But for some reason, you know, when I went back, somehow I really was rebuked by look 12, 48, who much is given much required. And I began to really think through like, wait a minute of all kids in Uganda, I can have three meals, you know, of all kids in Uganda, I can have more than one pair of shoes of all kids in Uganda. I can dream, you know. So now I began to say, how can I use the
opportunity of being in the United States to change your life, you know. But I had traveled over the world. I had never seen a black person who was adapting in Uganda or in Ethiopia. So I had this lie, like you have to be white.
Brian (11:08.174)
Hmm. Hmm.
Peter (11:08.194)
to be an adaptive family. You have to be a white in order to be a foster parent. But also they were always married. I was single. So there wasn’t anything really that I thought I was good enough. I was equipped or that was qualified to be a foster parent. So for me, I went to foster care saying, hey, would you allow me to mentor teenagers? Because I thought, come on.
Brian (11:20.868)
Hmm.
Peter (11:30.926)
for an hour, they can allow me, you know? And so when I asked the social worker, like, hey, is there a way you could allow me to mentor teenagers? And the social worker said, hey, have you ever thought of being a foster dad? I was like, well, I dream about it every day, but I’m not qualified. She said, why? I said, I’m single. I didn’t say the other thing. She said, so she said, wait a minute.
Brian (11:48.618)
Hahaha
Courtney (11:49.367)
Yeah.
Peter (11:57.038)
30 % of false amounts are single. can’t be. Literally, it was on Monday. I signed up on Monday.
and began the classes on Thursday. Four months later, I had my first placement. And for me, it wasn’t just because I could do it. It was more of so much I have, how can I not help those who I need? On the other part too, I felt we all go to church. We all have faith. But for me, I didn’t want to be a listener without doing something. So for me, that was the only way I could be fostered.
Brian (12:06.724)
Hmm.
Peter (12:34.352)
wanted to give back, but also I wanted to do what someone had done for me, that they loved me, they cared for me, and now want to do the same as well. And that’s how I became a foster dad. So since then, I’ve had 46, as of yesterday, 46 kids, and I’ve adopted three, and I’m in the process of adopting the other three as well.
Brian (12:55.202)
really? that’s news to me. Wow.
Courtney (13:00.369)
Yeah, Yeah, I’ve read some of your people magazine interview and you said in there, men, we have a responsibility of being in the kids lives. Of all the kids I’ve fostered, I’ve noticed none of them have ever said, I wish we had a mom. So what are you getting at when you say that? Why do you men need to step up? What do you think is missing in our homes in America today and why is this so important?
Peter (13:27.214)
You know, men, are, you know, I come from a world where I think sometimes, you know, men are on top and women are second class citizen and children are third class citizen. And I think sometimes we miss the point of, hey,
every parent has the same value, the same responsibility to our children. And I wanted to do that. I wanted to say, yes, we don’t have a mom, but I’m going to play every role the mom needs to play in a kid’s lives. But also, too, I realized that most of our kids have never had a dad. dads are upset in their lives. And I saw how much they wanted that, how much that meant to say,
You’re my dad, you know, the pride, the joy, but also the confidence to go to school when another kid says, I’m going to tell my dad, you know.
I would tell my dad as well. That I could see the joy, the glimpse of, know what, my dad has as much responsibility as my mom does have. And that is the message that I think I wanted to share with men. Like, we have the same responsibility as moms and we play a crucial role, too, to our kids’ And when that’s missing, sometimes it really causes more trauma to our children. And
saying, hey, man, how can we step up to truly be there for our kids in every shape, you can imagine. Just like any mom, as I said, my kids have never said I wish we had a dad because they never had one. And in a way to experience that opportunity, what an amazing way that we could change lives by just showing up for our kids as dads.
Brian (15:05.944)
Yeah, that’s interesting that a lot of the kids who do come into foster care have had a mom in their life. And again, something went wrong, but that they, a lot of them just, they’ve never known a man in their life, a dad that has been there for them, a role model. yeah, and you read about statistics about the fatherless crisis in America and
the impact it has on kids and it’s huge. So you are unique in several ways. One, when people do foster, typically they’re married and you’re not. Typically, if they’re single, it’s a woman. The other thing that is unique in your case, at least with the kids that you’ve adopted, you’re black and your kids are white. And I’m curious,
Courtney (15:38.317)
So you are unique in several ways. One, when people do foster, typically they’re married, they’re not. Typically, if they’re single, it’s a woman.
The other thing that is unique in your case, at least with the kids that you adopted, you’re black, but your kids are white. And I’m curious, what’s that like? How do people perceive that? Do you get anything negative? Is it positive? What about your own kids? How do they feel about it? I’ll unpack that a little bit. There’s a lot of families who cross or adopt.
Brian (16:03.972)
What’s that like? How do people perceive that? Do you get anything negative? Is it mostly positive? What about your own kids? How do they feel about it? Unpack that a little bit because a lot of families who foster and adopt adopt kids of a different race than them.
Courtney (16:21.135)
about kids of a different race than them.
Peter (16:26.476)
Right, yeah. Well, you know, I’ll begin with a positive. I think most people had never seen the reverse. We’ve always seen Caucasian families with black kids, but we’ve never seen on the other side. So the joy to really see the difference, but also to change the narrative, like hey, families can be in every shape, but also on my side to say we African-Americans and black, we’re equally responsible and can do whatever that everyone else is doing.
Brian (16:37.291)
right.
Brian (16:47.428)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (16:56.4)
And then on the other part is education, like really trying to show people. Sometimes people think I go to the room and there’s 20 kids and then I say, you yes, you no, you yes. Sometimes that’s what they think we get kids. And for me to in some way, we educate people like hey, most of my kids are emergency kids. Like they come in at three in the morning, either they are coming from the hospital or from the police or from who knows where, or they just picked up or they are at the office and there’s no place to
Brian (17:10.98)
Hmm.
Peter (17:26.32)
to truly show the need but also the urgency of how kids come in. Most of my kids don’t know what I look like until I open that door and they’re like, okay. And most of I don’t know because I’m like, hey, I’m on my way to pick up the child and neither do we know who’s who because I signed up for every child. I signed up to take care of every child that needs me. There’s no kid who comes into foreskin for holiday.
Courtney (17:38.125)
Okay.
Brian (17:49.454)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (17:56.192)
They always come for a reason. And in some way, if I can truly, truly be there for every child, I got to be willing to take every child that really works or that needs me at that moment. The negative part is sometimes, yes, I get people who say, why can’t you, why do you have only white kids? Why can’t you take black kids? And sometimes I’m like, by the way, that’s a good thing. That sometimes…
Courtney (17:56.311)
Yeah.
Brian (18:08.888)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (18:23.148)
just because there’s kids in foster care, that means maybe there’s no black kids that need to go to my home. We should see it as a positive way. You know what? There are no kids that Peter needs to have that have to be the same race. The other part is…
ready for me to educate, to change the narrative. We were at car school the other day and my kids wanted to sample the food. So the lady who was serving them told my kids, hey, you go get mom and dad. But all my kids in the university said, wait, but he’s right here. What do you mean I go? And that happens every time. And for me in those moments to look back and say, I’m going to be an
Brian (18:53.645)
Hahaha
Courtney (18:54.376)
Hehehe.
Brian (18:57.805)
Uh-huh.
Courtney (18:58.06)
No.
Peter (19:03.072)
and a way to educate this person and not make it a big deal, you know? So for me, I said, hey, next time do not assume, just say, hey, are you with them or are you not? And I’ll be blessed to hear you ask me that. And I’ll tell you yes or no, but don’t assume. Also on the other side, said, hey, being honest, if I was what, would you have asked that? And she said, no, you know? And I said why? She said, because I see those families every day here, but I never see them.
Brian (19:07.021)
Yeah.
Brian (19:24.386)
Hmm.
Brian (19:31.3)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (19:32.928)
So for me, I wanted to take that opportunity to be an educator, to be an informant and in some way change that, the narrative. And I can tell you, now, every time we go to class, she’s gonna say hello because we didn’t make it of a big deal, but rather truly a joy to share and explain. The other part is, there are some who are negative, but they will call, I’ve been called on police like 11 times.
Brian (19:57.531)
jeez.
Peter (19:58.796)
But on the other side, like here, my goal is to be there for the children. My goal isn’t to, I don’t know, please everyone. Otherwise, I would never be able to do what I do if my job was to please and make everyone happy. For me, my happiness and my goal is the children. And so it’s up to them to change the narrative along the way, but it’s really not my job. cannot change their perspective. I cannot change their attitude. But for me to stay close to what I signed up for,
and what I’m all about is where I find faith, is where I find strength, is where I find the zeal and the light to do more because that is my focus rather than what people think of me. And for my kids, think it’s a joy that everyone, every time I go to school, it’s high school, it’s elementary, they’re like, come and meet my dad, come and meet my dad. And their friends will come and say, that is your dad.
Brian (20:51.374)
Hmm.
You
Peter (20:57.036)
because they have a dad, don’t have a, in their world, they are not seeing I have a black dad. They’re just, I just have a dad, you know? And for me, that’s a beautiful thing that I get to really see, you know, the way they talk about their dad and what people think of.
Brian (21:03.854)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (21:12.302)
And it’s really been a joy to watch that. But also too, you know, we live in a society that sometimes, you know, people like to divide or put boundaries, you know. And I think for me as a forespirit, that’s not really what I’m called to do. I’m called to be a dad. That’s the best I can do.
Courtney (21:32.565)
It’s yeah, it’s beautiful and it reminds me. I share the story when I do foster parent training. We’ve adopted. We have six adopted kids. Four of them are black. Two of them are Hispanic. We are white, so we have a similar family, maybe a little opposite, but similar. And our daughter was from Congo and the first time I ever took her out like we could coon for a little bit and then we took her out. It was my first time ever in the store with her and she’s just this cute little chubby little baby sitting there and this guy he was truly probably 80s 90s.
Brian (21:46.52)
Yeah.
Courtney (22:01.697)
starts running towards me and I’m like, first off, you shouldn’t be running. And he’s like, just booking it across Walmart to come to me. And he touches my daughter’s skin and he goes, wow, I’ve never seen one of those before. And I say that story, because everybody when I say this in foster care, they stop and they’re like, he said that? How dare him? And I tell people, you have to read the room a little bit. This guy was a true, genuine North Dakota old farmer.
who was, he wasn’t meaning anything, any harm by that, right? He was truly meaning it like, and he was saying, she is absolutely beautiful. And he had tears in his eyes and he was telling me like, I’ve truly never seen a black baby food for in this small town, North Dakota. And I could have taken that moment and been like, how dare you, you know, getting mad at him. And just again, that divisive lines, I like how you said, you educate. And I have done that so many times, so we have to educate. We also can do it in a loving way that shows our kids we’re here to be their advocate.
Brian (22:39.652)
Hmm.
Courtney (22:56.087)
but we’re not gonna keep drawing those lines. then like, you know, like I said, he was in his eighties or nineties, I was gonna point out his flaws and what he said, but you know, if it’s somebody a little bit younger, I’m going to stop it. I’m gonna say something, but say it out of love and out of respect for my kids and not in a harsh way. And I think you explained that really well.
Brian (23:15.236)
Well, Peter, your life, gosh, holy moly, talk about changing and challenging the narrative. I mean, one, you’re a street kid from Africa and so many people think, you know, I’ve got to have a certain pedigree in my life in order to step up and to be of use and to help other people. And I mean, just that part of your story alone is unbelievable that you came from such poverty and hard circumstances.
Courtney (23:37.975)
that you became such.
and decided to not see yourself as a and instead be a blessing to others. That’s amazing. To be a single father and a black father to white kids and teaching people just about your life.
Brian (23:43.094)
and decided to not see yourself as a victim and instead to be a blessing to others. That’s amazing. Then to be a single father and a black father to white kids and teaching people just about through your life that you can be open to being a single parent of dad.
Courtney (24:05.865)
So tell me a little bit more about your book.
Brian (24:11.408)
and then not worrying about having a certain race that you’re accepting all kids. No wonder you wrote a book. mean, your life is a story and an educational one. So tell me a little bit more about your book.
Peter (24:30.402)
Well, before we go to the book, really, I love the way you’ve kind of highlighted, know, for me, you know, I hated my father. I really hated my father. But along the way, knew holding the hatred would ruin my future, you know? And I really wanted to say, you know what, I’m going to forgive my dad. But also, I didn’t want my past somehow to define what I could have.
Brian (24:43.842)
Hmm.
Peter (24:53.166)
you know, and what I could be. And that was for me the joy that really helped me go over the hump, you know. I’ve met people who say, how do you…
do, you know, and sometimes I say, if I can do it, you can do it as well. You know, the other part is, think, coming from where I come from, I’ve always said the challenges are actually my blessing. Like, you know, they’re just not challenged, but there are ways I can step up to do something. There are some people who say, man, I can’t force, I cannot let the kids go. And I always say, actually, you’re the one we need, you know, that you have that attachment that you have that
Brian (25:09.014)
Mm-hmm.
Brian (25:30.05)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Peter (25:33.102)
that need that most of our kids are looking for that attachment. Like actually your fear is actually your stronghold when it comes to fostering kids, you know? And that’s really been a joy. You know, the book, think, you people see what I do there. Like you’re a unicorn. like, I’m not really a unicorn. You know?
Courtney (25:51.463)
No, I think you’re unique.
Brian (25:52.3)
No, I think you’re a unicorn. Yeah.
Peter (25:55.854)
I don’t know. So for me writing the book, like I wanted to take them back that my past did not define me, you know, with all that I went through that I was able to overcome and turn around and be the father that I never had. And there are some people who have had a
Peter (26:16.514)
I was never hopeful, but through the kindness of a stranger, I was able to do so. Maybe you can be that kind of a stranger who did that for me, but you can do that for another child. And so that was for me writing a story about just really me. But I just have written a book. It comes out in May. It’s
it’s love does not conquer all. You the lessons I’ve learned you know as a foster dad you know to really help those who are not foster parents or who are not parents yet to say hey here are things you need to think about that I would have been a better parent had I thought through and then you know the next section is when you’re thick of it sometimes it can be really difficult especially as a foster parent and adopted parent to say I don’t know.
just about to drown, you know? And I’m sharing the nuggets and lessons that I’ve learned along the way, like, hey, here things that really helped me be the best parents I can do, but I had to do some learning and I had to release my own self as well. And then the last chapter is this hope, you know, because I have from three year old to 21 year old. So I know all ages, you know, so in some way to truly share the journey of how I was able to get there. But lessons I’ve learned that you can learn.
Brian (27:27.96)
wow.
Peter (27:36.326)
from a little thing that I’ve, you know, gone through, but also educate people. Trauma comes in different ways and sometimes we can only understand trauma if we are willing to learn the root of it, you know?
If my kid is stealing, stealing isn’t a problem at all. But it’s what is he causing it? Why is my kid doing this? And investigating and asking the why, we become the best parents we can be to our kids as well. I come from a world of education, education, education, education. And I’ve come to learn that, hey, that’s the world I come from, that I should not project that towards my child. In other words, other words, loving our children
as who they are rather than who you want them to be. So that’s what the book is about.
Brian (28:23.172)
Yeah, yeah, that’s a great message.
Courtney (28:24.162)
Yeah.
It is looking at their strengths and what they bring.
Peter (28:30.082)
Yes.
Brian (28:32.26)
So what, tell us the name of that book, the new one coming out.
Peter (28:35.566)
Love does not conquer it all.
Courtney (28:39.213)
does not count. Yeah. Yeah.
Peter (28:40.866)
Yep.
Brian (28:41.912)
And then you also have, so that’s your newest book. The first book was called Now I Am Known and you have a foundation called that as well, is that right?
Peter (28:49.964)
Yes, yes, now I’m known, you know, and now I’m known was created as a resource to help kids, you know, I flip houses. So for me, what having teenagers are really, really so how they valued when I took them to shop and they got their own beddings, they got their own stuff to put on their wall. And once I saw that, I was like, man, how can I make that for other kids? So I flip roommate covers really.
especially teenagers. know, I get to really give them an opportunity to choose what you want, how you want it, and what paint you want in your room to just make it really special for them for the first time that they get to make the choice of what they want to their room and how it should look like.
Courtney (29:31.797)
and giving them that sense of belonging. mean, that alone, yeah, making those choices, like you said, they often don’t, have never had that before. I want to put you a full picture. I would love to hear, know, as it’s National Foster Care Month, like what’s your encouragement to those that are already fostering, stop fostering, and then what’s your encouragement to those that are like, hey, I’ve been thinking about this, but I’m not there yet. Like, what would you say to both those camps?
Peter (29:33.922)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Peter (29:58.766)
Well, absolutely. To those who are fostering, know, first of all, I would say you are not alone.
You know, and we understand the ups and downs, you know, and we appreciate what you do. And sometimes I know you feel unseen and hard and sometimes alone, you know. Yes, as foster parents and adoptive parents, we can get in a world where most people don’t understand what we deal with or we are with. But I want to say you are not alone, you know, and we appreciate for the sacrifice you’ve made and for all you’re doing for your children. You know, you are a lifesaver and your blessing to know
those kids but even their parents that we have never met or we don’t know to the social workers to everyone that we appreciate you and we see you we hear you and for those who are on the edge kind of like I want to do it but I’m not you know I’m not quite ready here’s how I’ll tell you there’s never time to be ready you know
I had the, I felt I had room and I could provide for the child and I just jumped in. know, start small, you know, maybe begin reading about foster care, you know, maybe get to learn, get a friend who’s a foster parent, maybe begin providing for them food, you know, or maybe you can be a respite, you know, you get to take the kids for the weekend or maybe you can babysit.
For me, the people that have made the difference in my life are those who take my kids for an hour or two, you know? But they get to really see how awesome my kids are. And so sometimes I think we worry like, they’re to ask me to take in kids tomorrow. No, you can start small along the way. The other part is there are moms and dads who want to be dads and moms. And somehow you’re waiting to get married. Listen, I would like to get married.
Brian (31:28.1)
Mm-hmm.
Peter (31:47.936)
I’m waiting, I chose to be a dad to the kids who need a dad the most. So if you’re a mom and you’re a dad and you really, really have a desire to be a mom and dad, the traditional says get married and have kids. In the foster care system is actually is you can be a mom now as you wait for your special one to come. Don’t wait until you’re 50 or 60. You’re like, I wish I did this before, because you wait and wait. But rather find that
glimpse of hope and begin now. The other part is those who are afraid. I’m afraid the parents will not like me. I’m afraid I won’t be able to give the kids away. I’m afraid of, know, those you can deal with them along the way. Trust me, when I first became a foster parent, I hated
did not like their bioparents. You know why? Because they reminded me of my father. But one day my kid got sick. And when my kid got sick, I couldn’t call the social worker. It was three in the morning. So I was like, who do I call? The mom. I called the mom. say, hey, your little one is wheezing. What should I do? And she gave me instruction on what to do. And I didn’t follow that. The following morning, she called me and she said, Peter, thank you for letting me be a parent. Thank you for letting me be a parent for
Brian (32:39.918)
Hmm.
Peter (33:05.324)
I’m
Brian (33:06.194)
Hmm.
Peter (33:35.184)
that we can be those resource to their moms and dads. I can promise you it is the greatest joy, the greatest gift when we let the kids go back to their mom and dad.
Brian (33:47.332)
Peter, that is incredible wisdom. mean, it’s some real practical wisdom, but also just compassionate as well. And thank you so much for sharing that. We like to ask a lot of our guests this final question, and it’s a kind of fill in the blank, finish this sentence kind of thing. And so Peter, how would you finish this sentence?
What kids in foster care really need is…
Peter (34:21.302)
Love and safety.
Brian (34:23.882)
Love and safety. Great. And they sure do.
Courtney (34:27.341)
not love alone. Won’t conquer all, right?
Peter (34:32.89)
And my job is not to heal them. My job is to create a space for them to heal alone on their own. Not me, you know, that’s not my job, but to an environment that will help the healing along the way.
Brian (34:46.18)
Nice. Great. Thank you so much, Peter.
Courtney (34:49.291)
Yeah, I love following you on Instagram. Your videos are so fun and you are just everything you could imagine from a Ugandan single dad. So, Cher, how can people find you on Instagram or other places?
Brian (34:54.53)
Hahaha
Peter (35:04.59)
Yeah, absolutely. You can find me on Instagram, ForcedDietFlipper, on YouTube, Now I’m Known, and also on TikTok, Now I’m Known. know, social media is a way to really expose what we do. You know, like for me, I wanted to show the joy of my kids, but also the joy of parenting. You know, there’s so much negative about forced care. I didn’t want to contribute to that, but really bring the positive and also inspire others how I get to do that every day in good way and bad way and all that comes in between.
Brian (35:34.444)
I don’t have TikTok, but if I find out that you have a dance on there, I’m going to download it. all right, now I got to check it out. man. Well, Peter, thank you so much. And I encourage our listeners, please follow Peter on, if you’re on social media, give him a follow and continue to learn from him. is a narrative challenger and we’ll
Peter (35:39.534)
yeah. yeah.
Courtney (35:41.825)
he does, he does.
Brian (36:04.398)
probably expand your view of what you think is possible. Peter, thank you for joining us this month, especially.
Courtney (36:10.828)
Thank you.
Peter (36:13.282)
Thank you, Brian Courtney, and thank you for making sure our kids are seen, and known.
Brian (36:18.5)
Thank you, God bless you, bye.
Peter (36:20.398)
You too.
