Episode 83 – A New Year of the Podcast and Some Great Listener Submitted Questions

TRANSCRIPT:

Brian Mavis (00:01.598)
Hello and welcome to the Foster Friendly Podcast. I’m Brian with my two incredible co-hosts Courtney and Travis. Guys, welcome to 2026.

Travis (00:12.735)
Yes.

Courtney (00:13.42)
Yeah, new year.

Brian Mavis (00:15.38)
New year and this is this is season three of our podcast. Though we didn’t claim and name season one and season two, we realized we’ve been doing this long enough that this ought to be called season three. So here we are at the beginning of the year, 2026. Hard to believe. It seems like 2025 just flew by for me. gosh, yeah, there’s that line that seems so true.

Travis (00:16.183)
Good to be here.

Travis (00:37.197)
Ciao.

Courtney (00:38.391)
every year.

Brian Mavis (00:44.104)
The days are long, but the years are short. Man, years fly by. Okay, so as we begin 2026, some people, and I’ve done this before, do that word of the year. You you got a word that you focus on, not so much a goal, but it’s a word that just kind of keeps you grounded or focused on, I want to be more like this. Do you guys have?

Travis (00:48.353)
Yeah, that’s right.

Brian Mavis (01:13.428)
Do you guys, have you done that in the past? And do you have one this year?

Brian Mavis (01:19.284)
Uhhh… You’ve never done it?

Courtney (01:19.628)
I’m gonna be the naysayer.

Travis (01:19.917)
Honestly

Courtney (01:24.14)
Well, I have, but I just think it’s kind of dumb because I’m like, who focuses on a one word all year?

Brian Mavis (01:25.14)
Hmm.

Travis (01:29.716)
this is great! Let’s have a debate over this!

Brian Mavis (01:33.14)
Okay, okay.

Courtney (01:33.506)
So I’ve done it, but I’ve never stuck with it for more than a day. I’m like, I need a new word every day. mean…

Brian Mavis (01:36.468)
So, a word of the day. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had this thing I do. I picked my word and then I don’t know what it is about me. I sabotage myself. If I pick a word, I guarantee you that word will go badly all year long. So I decided I need to start picking like, my word of the year is gloom.

Travis (01:39.661)
That’s fair.

Travis (01:54.562)
Ha ha.

Just that’s…

Courtney (01:57.742)
I’m

Travis (02:06.823)
It has this gloom excess.

Brian Mavis (02:07.188)
Sadness. All the sakes and then I work against it. So… What about you Travis? Does it work for you?

Courtney (02:14.542)
you

Travis (02:15.885)
gluttony

Courtney (02:17.326)
Goodness gracious.

Yeah, might work in your favor.

Travis (02:20.749)
Greed is my word of the year.

Travis (02:31.021)
I, in theory, no, it, it, never really has worked for me either. I think it’s, it’s sort of someone wrote a book about it and it became a marketing thing. I, I’m going to try it though this year and my word of the year is rad. So, mean, I try to embody that. So that’s, that’s.

Courtney (02:33.591)
If

Brian Mavis (02:36.008)
See? man.

Courtney (02:45.502)
Rad. So shocking.

Brian Mavis (02:45.552)
Red. yes, yes. That’s perfect for you.

Brian Mavis (02:52.315)
Okay. I’m going to write a book called the word of the year doesn’t work. so, and yes. Okay. Well, we’re off to a great year so far, not knowing a word or sabotaging ourselves. Travis Elise is going to have a rad year. Okay. Well, speaking of new years, we’re going to have a new rhythm.

Courtney (02:57.41)
There you go. Hey, I can be your case study.

Travis (03:01.717)
I can be your case study.

Courtney (03:08.6)
Yeah.

Courtney (03:14.04)
Yes.

Brian Mavis (03:18.034)
to the Foster Friendly podcast this year. So last year we were really cranking them out doing one a week. And because this isn’t the only thing we do, raising kids and have a nonprofit that punches way above its weight class and does a lot of stuff, we’re going to give ourselves a bit of a podcast.

I wouldn’t say we’re like letting up. just trying to pick a rhythm that works well for us that’s sustainable. So we’re going to a bi-weekly rhythm, which does not mean twice a week. It means every other week.

Courtney (04:01.582)
Yeah.

Travis (04:04.767)
Yes. It’s a big misconception. Yeah.

Brian Mavis (04:04.776)
And that is an ambiguous word. So, all right. So speaking of that then, thinking ahead, looking ahead for this podcast for 2026, what do you guys, as you see into the future a little bit, the best you can, what are you looking forward to and anticipating about this year that could help our listeners have a sense of expectation?

Courtney (04:05.614)
Hmm.

Courtney (04:09.454)
You

Courtney (04:35.982)
I think for me, just the fact that we’re going to be every other week, gives us more time to focus on our guests, to really get to know them a little bit better, focus on our content as well. Some people of our listeners might not realize, but we do webinars and we’ve been turning some of our podcasts into webinars and just to be able to look at our content and like dive deep, because we have such great content on this podcast and wonderful guests. You know, that we want to get content out there for people to use and use for training credit. So I think it’s just going to give us more time to focus on our guests and the content that we have.

Brian Mavis (04:42.174)
Mm-hmm.

Brian Mavis (04:50.696)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (05:05.908)
That’s good.

Travis (05:07.949)
Yeah. Yeah. For me, similar to that, also just, being strategic of like, you know, it is hard to say no to guests. mean, we’re at a point now where we’re, we’re weekly daily sometimes getting, people trying, you know, wanting to be on the podcast and so many amazing people. Sometimes it’s just not really a fit, you know, at all, but like it’s, it’s so yeah. Looking at people, really

Brian Mavis (05:21.32)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (05:32.279)
trying to pick out like what really are gonna be the best episodes that are really gonna touch people in ways and be really applicable. And so I’m really looking forward to that and more guests. And of course, we’ve always had a really special place here for former Foster alumni and that will definitely continue. So featuring their voice.

Brian Mavis (05:47.732)
I love that. Yeah. I know one of the things we’re going to emphasize a little bit more this year than we have in the past is the why behind foster care, why it is so important, so strategic, and unfortunately tends to be a hidden issue. It’s in the shadows a bit. you know, especially like compared to other worthy and notable social wounds, you know,

Courtney (05:51.15)
Yeah, yeah.

Brian Mavis (06:17.076)
I think about homelessness. mean, if you live in a city of any, I mean, it doesn’t take much, 50,000 plus, you’ll probably see homelessness. It’s hard to avoid. Or along with that, addiction, health, even though you probably don’t see it, it’s well known as human trafficking. But you ask people about social wounds, what comes to mind? Foster care rarely comes to mind.

though it’s upstream to so many of those other issues. So we’re going to talk more about why that matters. And it was really the why behind foster care that got me more deeply involved because my role as a community transformation pastor, I had my eye on all those kinds of social wounds. And it was foster care that seemed to be the

the hub to all those other wounds. that will be, if we’re have a theme this year, it’s gonna be kind of on that, the why behind the strategic importance of foster care. But today though, we’re gonna kind of do a responsive,

podcast and we’re gonna kick off the year with some questions that we received last year from our listeners. And so let’s just, let’s get going. So we’ve got at least a half dozen questions that we want to respond to. And the first one is, what do you wish more people knew before starting the process of fostering as a foster parent? And so a lot of people come in into fostering with

big hearts, but also maybe because they don’t know everything, they maybe come in with a little naivety, and I certainly did. And so what would you want people to know so that they come in not more pessimistic but more realistic?

Travis (08:27.703)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (08:27.992)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (08:41.41)
Yeah. I think for me, I actually was just talking to a couple that I know who are just getting licensed. They’re about to have their first placement. And she was telling me, you know, it’s really odd because there’s like an excitement about becoming a foster parent and excitement about your first placement. But then it’s also like, but it’s their sadness. Like, should I be excited that this kid’s being removed and then being placed in my home? And I was like, I totally get it. Right. So there’s like that weird emotional balance that I think people don’t really get until they start doing it.

Brian Mavis (09:01.118)
Mmm.

Courtney (09:11.372)
But with that, I think because people are, you know, I’ve gone through this long process of a home study and all the paperwork and the doctor’s appointments and all this stuff, I’ve done all these things, so I’m ready that they just say yes to everything that comes their way from the get-go. And again, I know we’ve talked about that before in this podcast, but you can say no. And I have seen time and time again, brand new foster parents say yes to the first placement that call that they get.

Brian Mavis (09:24.894)
Mm.

Courtney (09:37.655)
And it’s not a good match. And then it’s their first placement. So a month in they’re drowning and saying, we can’t do this. And then they either quit right away or the kid needs to be moved to another home because they weren’t ready for it. And it’s like, well, a lot of that’s just because you’re not looking at the placement. And maybe even the caseworkers aren’t looking at the placement for you and making that match a good match, the home for the child type situation.

Travis (09:48.301)
Mmm.

Brian Mavis (09:59.733)
That’s great advice. And the way you set it up is so true because you’ve done all the classes, done all the work, signed all the papers, done the homework, you feel like we’re ready. And then you feel a little, you know, might feel guilty when they call you on the first one to not say, yes, you feel ready. It feels wrong.

Travis (10:00.493)
That’s good.

Brian Mavis (10:28.574)
possibly to say no, but keeping in mind that the wrong yes might lead to then a permanent no afterwards. That’s so smart. put it more, how would you positively frame it then, Courtney? Would you say, okay, so when you’re just starting, you’ve been certified, you get that phone call, what would you say?

Travis (10:40.461)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (10:58.378)
What has to be true for them to say yes to it?

Courtney (11:04.078)
ask a lot of questions so you understand the placements needs as best as they know, right? They don’t always know everything, but also understand, you know, there’s different levels of kids coming into care. What is the weekend look like for this kiddo? Are we gonna have the bandwidth to give them the time to take them to all their appointments, to visitations? Oftentimes if they’re an infant, people think, yeah, I want a baby, but not really. Sometimes babies have three, four visitations a week because they’re wanting to build that connection with birth mom or dad. And so…

Travis (11:21.709)
Hmm.

Brian Mavis (11:29.776)
Yes, yes, yes.

Travis (11:31.853)
Hmm.

Courtney (11:32.546)
People don’t think about that and they think, yeah, that sounds so great. And then they start doing it like, this is not realistic. So literally take out your schedule and look at your schedule and say, can we do this? Or do we have a tribe around us to help us? Yeah.

Brian Mavis (11:38.963)
Okay.

Travis (11:41.033)
Mm-hmm. Right.

Brian Mavis (11:42.14)
Yes, yeah, what’s required for this? huh, that’s good. That’s good. Travis, anything you want to, sorry, go ahead, Corey, I didn’t mean to cut you off.

Courtney (11:50.626)
I think you’re.

And I was just gonna say, if you have kids too, I know that’s a common thing. Like if you have kids already in the home, we have found the hardest combination is the same gender and same age as one of our kids. So I’m not, for us, we haven’t necessarily said they can’t be older, can’t be younger or whatever, but we have found the hardest combination is same gender, same age as one of our kids, because there’s just a natural competition and a natural feeling, not enough.

Brian Mavis (12:06.515)
Hmm.

Courtney (12:20.046)
And again, I’m not saying that’s for everybody, but just looking at if you have kids in the home already, are my kids really going to be able to do this emotionally, physically, tangibly? And if not, then it might be a no for this situation too.

Brian Mavis (12:21.332)
you

Brian Mavis (12:32.926)
Yeah, know, general advice that we give people, and I think all three of us have broken our own advice, is foster kids that are younger than your own kids and younger than your youngest so that you have your own kids who are used to the family values and rhythms are the ones who are kind of influencing the younger kids who have come into your home.

Travis (12:33.293)
I

Brian Mavis (13:01.212)
Again, I believe all three of us have not lived up to that at times. and, but it still holds true there that you to have your own kids because they’re older, be able to help be a big sibling is it can be advantageous. Travis, anything else there on just the big question?

Travis (13:27.201)
Yeah. I just add a few, yeah, just a few like real general things. I was thinking of, just be you, you know, you’re going to, you’re going to get training. You’re going to learn a lot of things and apply those things and stuff can be really intimidating to feel like where’s your authentic place and all of that. But I think part of it is just being authentically you embracing humor. there is going to be times where,

Brian Mavis (13:31.913)
Go ahead.

Travis (13:56.489)
that can be a gift here in the space. Not taking yourself seriously. We’ve talked about that. There’s going to be times that yes, you’re going to have to lean into some really hard things and be a serious listener, but never underestimate the power though of levity as well. would say just one other thing that comes to mind is have expectations, but do not be overly rigid or you’re going to go through a buzz saw. I mean, there just has to be, yeah, you can have goals and expectations, but when you can’t adapt,

Brian Mavis (13:56.497)
Mm-hmm. For sure.

Travis (14:26.642)
You’re gonna be in some serious trouble. you know, and just learning as you go. This is all about learning as we go.

Brian Mavis (14:27.726)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that’s good. Okay, the next question, this actually is an issue that why a lot of people say no to being a foster parent in the first place has to do with the goodbyes. And they say, I could just never do that. And so how do you handle the goodbye when a foster placement ends? You’ve had a kid in your life, home,

maybe for more than a year. And now that child is moving out, typically because of a reunification or going to a, maybe a grandma or something like that. And you have poured your life into that child. And now you have to say goodbye. What advice do you have for people? There might be people right now knowing that that’s, they’re facing that in the.

next few weeks or a month, what advice would you have for that person?

Courtney (15:34.35)
He hurts.

Travis (15:35.469)
I mean, I’ve got a short answer. I really want to hear Courtney on this with all your experience. I would just say for me in looking back, marking that occasion of goodbye is important. I remember with some of the kids, was just really like whether it was a meal, something special to sort of send them off, both for them and yourself. I mean, just sort of in a way, a celebration if you can. And it comes down to personality, we’re all different. But I guess for me, it was-

Brian Mavis (15:47.826)
Hmm.

Brian Mavis (15:54.12)
Hmm

Travis (16:05.261)
how can I best start the sort of the sendoff well? And maybe it was just like sharing all the great times we had together and hearing from them kind of also leaning into their future. what are you excited about coming up? So you’re kind of helping transition that. And then personally would be just like giving yourself and your family that space to grieve that loss.

whether it means taking a break from fostering altogether for a while, a season out or whatever, but what does your family need talking to your kids about that? And just really taking the time to go like this, this was a major loss for us. And let’s not just rush on.

Courtney (16:45.166)
Yeah, for sure.

Brian Mavis (16:45.812)
I really like that, Travis. That’s really good. I don’t mean this as far as having the same meaning or theological weight, but as you were talking to us, I thinking about the Last Supper, Jesus taking the time to say, let’s gather together and have a meal that can be described as a Thanksgiving meal, a Eucharist, and celebrating.

Travis (17:02.039)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (17:13.876)
what you have had together. And yeah, that’s special. I like that. Courtney, okay, imagine someone knows that they’re facing this right now. They’re just a few weeks away from having to say goodbye. What advice do you have?

Courtney (17:35.447)
Yeah, I mean, it does depend on the age of the kiddo, how long they’ve been with you, if you have kids in your home, you know, your own children, because those things all play a different factor. But a big thing, kind of like Travis had mentioned, is we set the stage with the kiddo to make them know that we love them, that we care about them, that we’re not just going away. Again, depending on the age appropriateness of being able to talk them through that, but also being really mindful of their emotions, because some kids are really excited and some kids are really sad.

And if kids really excited, we don’t want to just be crying in front of them nonstop and making it super emotional. we want, I mean, it’s okay to shed some tears. It’s okay to let them know like, care about you and I’ve loved having you in our home. We loved getting to know you, but we’re so excited about for your future and you know, what’s going on. And so setting like just being mindful about their emotions. And then if they’re super emotional and you’re super emotional, you know, if they’re like, I just can’t leave, I don’t want to leave. And you’re, you’re portraying that back to them. It’s going to make it a lot harder.

Brian Mavis (18:04.595)
Hmm.

Brian Mavis (18:08.232)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Courtney (18:32.182)
And so sometimes you might have to kind of do that behind the closed doors and put on the adult face to try to help them get through their emotions. And we’ve experienced that quite a few times of kids that don’t want to leave our house. And now we’re trying to help counsel them through that. that, yeah, and it’s just a whole different way of having to counsel them really through that situation.

Brian Mavis (18:43.07)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (18:52.9)
That’s good for people to realize that you gotta tune into the kids and some are excited, some are scared, some are pretending one way the other. So to figure out what’s happening there, you might just assume that the kid is always gonna be happy or always gonna be sad and yeah, that’s not the case. That’s good.

Courtney (19:20.354)
And then not hide stuff. It depends, again, are they going back to biological parents? Are they going back to grandparents? Are they going on to an adoptive home? So whomever that is that they’re going with, I try to rally around that person months in advance. Because you usually know it’s kind of coming for a while. And rally around those people. Get to be on their teams. They feel you as their cheerleader. And then they’ll also keep you in contact. mean, when we’ve done that really well, these families

Travis (19:22.017)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (19:42.317)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Courtney (19:46.887)
I have moms who still text me to this day and it’s been over a year that this kid always left our house. So the more they feel that, the more they’re to keep you in the loop or reach out to you if they have a question or, he’s talking about this. Can you tell me about that memory or what you guys did for Christmas that he’s trying to explain to me or whatever it might be. They have that connection. They see you. The kids see you bonded with their family. It makes that transition a lot smoother for everybody. And then not hiding. What I meant by not hiding things is like,

Travis (19:49.101)
Hmm.

Travis (20:06.944)
Yeah.

Travis (20:12.365)
That’s a great tip.

Brian Mavis (20:12.766)
Yeah.

Ahem.

Courtney (20:15.926)
I know families who are like, well, I’m to put this note inside their backpack and not tell their parents that it’s there. I feel icky about that. I instead write a note to the parents saying, you know, this is my phone number. If you ever need to reach out, you know, if we don’t already have that relationship, but usually we do, thankfully. But then again, if it’s a teenager, they usually already have my phone number and I just tell them, hey, feel free to reach out. If you ever need anything, reach out. But I don’t go into reach out if…

your parents do something or if, you know, and again, I feel like there are some people that might say stuff like that and paint it as those negative things in their minds.

Brian Mavis (20:44.05)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (20:44.117)
All right.

Brian Mavis (20:50.36)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That’s really good. What comes to mind to me, similar, but it’s the other side of the coin when it comes to the kids might be excited or might be sad, is you might be excited or you might be sad. so some kids, you know, they left and you’re you’re like looking forward to it a bit. And I would say, don’t feel guilty about that.

Courtney (21:04.366)
True. Yeah.

Travis (21:04.651)
Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

No.

Courtney (21:13.355)
you

Brian Mavis (21:18.036)
Um, you, just, uh, as long as you really, uh, did your best to care for them, um, and put them, uh, uh, you know, first, as far as trying to do what’s best for them, that you’re not feeling sad that they’re leaving. That’s okay. And there’ll be other, other kids where you are, uh, you’re grieving actually. I mean, I’ve, uh, they’re one kid over. I mean, I just bawled my eyes out and, um,

Again, gosh, I don’t mean this to be inappropriate in any manner, but just how it is like when you meet people, either you click or you don’t click. If you’re dating, you click or you don’t click. Sometimes you click with kids and sometimes you don’t. And as long as you always just say, I’m doing what is best for the child, whether we’re clicking or not, that’s what matters. And realize that

Travis (22:01.353)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Brian Mavis (22:18.324)
Sometimes the leaving will be really hard and sometimes not so hard and that’s okay.

Courtney (22:27.0)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (22:27.617)
Yep, for sure.

Brian Mavis (22:27.86)
Okay. Um, this one is where people, you know, they’ve been listening to the podcast and becoming, um, the, uh, the door, uh, way to their heart is, uh, has opened up to this issue and they’re saying, I want to do this, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be a foster parent. How can I know I’m ready? Uh, what would you say is, um, the like, yes.

If you can say yes to these things, then we’re giving you the green light.

Welcome to mine.

Courtney (23:04.994)
First of all, say we have a great resource. We have a list of questions on our website, on our fostering front door that goes through questions that you should be asking yourself. Questions like, you know, am I going to be able to accept a kiddo when I don’t know their history? And there might be things that come up, you know, a month in that are really hard. Questions like, am I going to be able to parent this kid differently than I was parented? Or if I’m already parenting differently than I have been parenting.

Travis (23:31.583)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (23:32.303)
We just have this list of 10 questions that are really deep, thoughtful questions that I highly suggest every single person goes through before they start fostering. And then also, no, though, I’ve been doing this for 17 years and I still get nervous with every single placement that comes into my home. Every single one. I’m like, I’m not sure. we, you know, can we do this right now? This age, this stage, I don’t know them. So you’re going to feel nervous. And there’s a difference between being nervous or maybe a little uncomfortable versus ready.

Brian Mavis (23:47.668)
Hmm.

Travis (23:47.757)
Hmm, no.

Travis (24:01.239)
Yeah

Brian Mavis (24:02.578)
Okay, and Courtney. Yeah, and back to that resource. Where can they most easily find that?

Courtney (24:02.766)
It’s a knowing that those feelings aren’t going to go away.

Courtney (24:10.818)
Yeah, if you just go to our website, americaskidsbelong.org and you click on foster, the first little stage in our fostering front door is become a foster parent. And it’s listed there. All the questions are listed there so you can see different topics that you can click on. And one of them says like questions to consider before fostering. And click that. There’s a PDF you can even download, print it. It’s right there for you.

Brian Mavis (24:19.092)
Okay.

Brian Mavis (24:33.652)
Travis, I’m going to personalize this a bit. How did you know you were ready?

Travis (24:34.477)
sweet.

Travis (24:40.352)
Ooh.

Travis (24:43.809)
Well, I mean, similar to what Courtney said, I mean, I think the truth of it is, I think is that no one feels they’re a hundred percent ready. And if someone thinks that I don’t feel I’m a hundred percent ready, therefore I’m not ready. That’s just false. mean, it’s just, we don’t enter marriage like that. Generally we don’t, know, big things that we do, you know, there is this trepidation to some degree and that’s healthy. And I think when we can recognize, I heard it once said that like,

Brian Mavis (24:47.732)
Okay.

Brian Mavis (24:53.256)
Yes. Yes.

Courtney (24:59.086)
Thank you.

Brian Mavis (24:59.22)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (25:11.085)
courage results when our convictions are bigger than our fears. If you’re asking the question because your heart is there, I think it’s, well, I’m supposed to answer for myself, but I guess like I’m thinking, so I would say it this way, what things are, like, so my heart feels ready or to a degree, like the conviction is there. I think for me, and I would say this even generally too, it was my spouse and kids, we’re in on this together. So families unified.

Brian Mavis (25:31.06)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Travis (25:40.953)
there is the flexibility to handle this to a degree. you know, appointments and all this kind of comes up. we do have a support system, you know, that, that’s there. So those were kind of the big, like when those anchors, those things are there, at least for me, like that felt, Hey, you know, we may still fail. We may still get in this and like, whoa, we’re in way of our skis here, but.

Brian Mavis (25:44.916)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (25:50.542)
Big one.

Travis (26:08.128)
this feels like we have enough things in place. So.

Brian Mavis (26:11.88)
I like that. In writing, one of the writing rule that I like is contrast brings clarity. So I want to flip and do a little bit of an inversion and say, how would you know when someone’s not ready? You know, when you would say, okay, you want to do this, but I’m going to put up a red light. And I would just flip what you just said, Travis. One is that your family’s not on board or at least there’s someone in your family. It’s like,

hey, three out of four ain’t bad. It’s like, you need four out of four. If you got four people in your family, everybody needs to say yes. That if your schedule is like, you’re barely handling your own schedule without having a kid in, this will overwhelm it. And so you’ve got to have margin in your life that can absorb some of that. And then I said, and if you don’t have a support system, if your extended family, extended

neighbors extended church, they’re not ready to support you, then you’re going to be doing this alone and that’s going to probably be too much. So that would be why I would tell someone not yet, you got to line up those things first.

Courtney (27:28.118)
Yeah. Yep.

Travis (27:28.765)
inverted way.

Brian Mavis (27:30.226)
Yeah. Okay. So, we’ve said, and, several times on this podcast and shared that the, and the national average when, a, people sign up and are certified and receive a child into their home as a foster family, that half of those families will be done a year from now. So imagine a hundred families being certified and placing a child today, a year from now, 50 of those families have quit.

So why? Why do they quit? And is there something that could be done even before people start to say, I just don’t want to be the person who’s quitting a year from now because of these factors that are preventable?

Courtney (28:26.19)
I think we just talked about a lot of it, when those things aren’t in place, that contrast, when they’re not there and you say yes instead. Also, you can hide things on your homestead. I mean, you can make things up. You can hide what’s really going on in life. But if you have people in your life who know you and know you well and are saying, hey, I kind of feel like maybe you should wait and you don’t listen and you’re not taking that advice, but there’s a reason why they’re saying it, it’s not going to work.

Brian Mavis (28:27.816)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (28:46.675)
Hmm.

Courtney (28:54.166)
And again, that doesn’t mean you have to be 100 % ready, but if you don’t have these things in place, and I think it also goes to doing your research, that’s why we have our fostering front door. That’s why we have our webinars. If you go to our webinar site, fostercon.org, the very top, there are two webinars that pop up that they say, start here. So if you’ve not even started fostering, I highly suggest you watch those two webinars before you even talk to a placement agency because you need to understand a little bit about trauma.

Brian Mavis (28:56.199)
Thank

Courtney (29:22.806)
you need to understand what foster care takes so that you can really evaluate. Because you don’t, again, we don’t want kids coming into your home and then a month later you’re like, we just can’t do this. And again, it typically happens within those first placements. you know, families that have been doing this for a long time, they kind of understand and iron those kinks out. But the families that are just getting in and have a first placement or a second placement, those are often the ones that are quitting because they again, jumped in too soon or they said yes to something they shouldn’t have. And they’re really not evaluating.

Brian Mavis (29:23.529)
Yeah.

Travis (29:31.778)
Alright.

Travis (29:35.597)
Hmm.

Courtney (29:52.652)
the situation and their family life or whatever it might be ahead of time.

Travis (29:57.185)
Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. So I was kind of thinking similarly to just, you know, we do know, and we’ve talked about this in another episode, we have an episode on, you know, talking about why foster, you know, parents are quitting and, and talks around that’s a great conversation. So check out that episode. I don’t know what number it was, but it was in one of the seasons. other things. Yeah, there we go. But I do think like, we do know from research, you know, lack of support, lack of resources are too highly, highly mentioned ones, why people quit.

Brian Mavis (30:11.816)
Mm-hmm.

Brian Mavis (30:17.844)
There you go.

Courtney (30:18.99)
We can link it in the show notes. I’ll put a note. Yeah.

Travis (30:29.677)
lack of support, lack of resources. And then so much as frustration with child welfare, that’s just going to be the nature of the game. And so, you know, there, there are still ways to mitigate and work through some of that. Courtney’s given great tips in these podcasts of like ways to talk to child welfare workers through issues or ways to advocate still. But at the end of the day too, it’s just hard work. mean, and so, I don’t know. think there’s, to me, there’s always that tension between what Courtney said, which I love is

It’s almost like do more preparatory groundwork to get ready, then go in and just quit because then here’s another placement where a kid gets bounced in, in your home and then bounce to another one. But the tension also of going like, maybe you have fostered for like three years and you know, now you’re getting just stressed and burned out and, when it is time to call it quits as well. So there’s kind of some tension there of like, no one’s saying you’re a coward or that you, you know,

screwed up by quitting, but it’s something to, I don’t know, try to balance.

Brian Mavis (31:31.262)
Yeah, that’s true. fostering for lots and lots and lots and lots of families tends to be a season in their life. so we have seen some families, like Courtney’s one where the season is pretty long and others where it’s just a few years and yeah, that’s okay. Okay, so

Courtney (31:33.144)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (31:59.279)
Yeah. But that is a difference between those ones that you’re talking about, those homes who have done it for a season versus those that quit within the first year. And to me, the first year thing is just the not being ready, right? I mean, for the most part, I would say.

Brian Mavis (32:03.166)
Go ahead.

Travis (32:08.651)
Yeah. That’s a difference. You know, you’re just not ready. Yep. Yep.

Brian Mavis (32:09.042)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (32:14.718)
Yeah. And so, yeah, I would say to, yes, I mean, if you’re going to do it and only going to do it for a year, you went through a lot of headaches just for that short moment. so, yeah, take what we’ve already said, like, yeah, make sure your first placement is an appropriate placement, that you did receive some trauma training so that your expectations are set and you have at least eyes to see

behaviors that are motivated by trauma. They’ve got everybody in your family on board that your schedule has some margin that you have support. All those things can help you. The one that Travis brought up that is a little bit out of your hands, but again, he mentioned that Courtney’s I got some good tips is that just the system can be exasperating. so understanding that. Okay.

How do I support foster families in my community if I’m not fostering myself?

Courtney (33:22.904)
That’s a big one. Yeah, I feel like we need to do a whole episode on this. Again, you know, we mentioned for foster families, these are the things you kind of need to have in place, but it takes people around you. And like Travis mentioned, if you don’t have some people around you, I would highly advise you not to do that. You can’t do it alone. I mean, I don’t know a single foster family that does not have, it doesn’t have to be family, might be family. We don’t want family close to us.

Travis (33:24.077)
That’s a big one.

Brian Mavis (33:24.252)
Hahaha

Courtney (33:48.943)
but we’ve got a church body that supports us, right? You might be neighbors who support you. It might be friends of your kids, their parents that support you, whomever it is that really is gonna rally around you because you just cannot do it alone. I think about things like transportation. Right now, my daughter’s in club volleyball. She’s, you know, has practices all the time, but our schedule with our foster son is very busy for visitations. So we have people who take her to volleyball every single time for us because we just can’t with our foster son’s visitation.

Travis (33:57.036)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (34:13.835)
Yep. Yep.

Courtney (34:18.55)
If we didn’t have that, it’d have to be one or the other, right? And so we have to have those people. And transportation is one of the biggest ways I have seen foster families say, we are flailing, like we need help with transportation. So that’s a biggie right there.

Brian Mavis (34:27.912)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Travis (34:33.623)
Hmm. Yeah. was laughing at like my daughter’s volleyball too. And there was a lot of times and we’re not fostering. And I was like having friends take out of the games and stuff. Cause it just, transportation is tough. You know, you have multiple kids and a lot of busyness and stuff. mean, yeah, I was, I was going to throw out there. mean, to me, if you’re completely in the, gray on this is certainly just calling your local child welfare office.

Courtney (34:44.236)
you

is here.

Brian Mavis (34:51.668)
Yeah.

Travis (35:02.739)
know, whether that’s in your county or as a state, you know, just like, Hey, you know, this is, this is the non AKB answer. mean, we kind of given some of that with our resources, but like just of like, you know, what is going on in our, you know, say county and how can I help support foster homes? would be a start locally.

Brian Mavis (35:20.948)
Yeah, I would say too that, I’ll say it. I’ll say what I was gonna say. I have something to say. That a lot of foster families, they’re just by who they are, they’re tend to be the ones who are helpers and they find it a little hard to ask for help. And so if you,

Courtney (35:22.029)
Also,

Courtney (35:28.174)
Yeah, you stay on track. You’re a brand.

Courtney (35:33.966)
Raise your hand.

Travis (35:34.226)
Hahaha

Brian Mavis (35:50.671)
know of a family who’s fostering, just I want you to assume, take this to the bank, they need help and they’re not asking. And so you be the proactive one and don’t go over there and visit with them and say, hey, if you ever need help, let me know. Just come over and kind of insert yourself in a sense, say, hey, I brought over a meal.

Like, hand it to them. Or say, I’m gonna bring over a meal on Tuesday. just be more assertive that way. And be specific. I can help with carpooling. I can help with math homework. I can watch the kids for a few hours.

and you know, once a month, be specific, be proactive, instead of just saying, can help call me if you need me.

Courtney (36:58.158)
Yeah, for sure. And I was gonna say even like a tear above all these things, maybe, is starting a parents’ night out. Just this last week, we had our parents’ night out. It’s once a month. We have this couple who said, we’ve always thought about fostering. We’re older now, empty nesters, and we still just have a heart for foster care. And so they give of their time. They coordinate it. They volunteer every single month. And it’s five hours once a month for foster families and adoptive families in our area.

Brian Mavis (37:09.992)
Mm-hmm.

Brian Mavis (37:24.626)
Okay, so back up a little bit. You’re assuming knowledge, you’re assuming that people are listening are like, I know what a parents night out is. What in the world is a parents night out? So unpack that a little bit and see if any people are listening are like, okay, that’s what I’ll do. What is a parents night out?

Courtney (37:42.763)
Yeah. So it’s time away for the parents to do what they need to do. They could go home and rest. They could go shopping. They could go on a date. They could do whatever they want. But their kids are cared for, in our case, by trauma-informed caregivers, which is a key, because then we feel comfortable dropping them off, who are trained, who understand these kiddos, who are there every month so they get to know the kids. So it’s not like, new people every single month. They give of their time.

Brian Mavis (37:59.199)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (38:11.488)
every month to be with these kids. And like I said, ours is five hours. And that is just a huge blessing to these families to have five hours to do whatever you want to do and know that your kids are cared for in a safe, loving, trauma informed setting. It’s huge. It’s huge. And a lot of families have said, I could not do it without this.

Travis (38:26.039)
Yeah.

Brian Mavis (38:27.508)
So is this.

Is this for one family or more than one family? The parents net out.

Courtney (38:37.074)
for our, again, it can be set up differently. Usually it’s for more than one family. we live in a smaller area, so they, they do open it up to people who’ve adopted through our county. Cause again, small area, some people just do it for, for current licensed foster families. Some people, some areas do it just for those who have a current placement, but we get a drop off any of our kids, biological adopted foster that we want to once a month. And there are.

Brian Mavis (38:57.812)
And do you drop them off at a bar? Where are these things hosted?

Courtney (39:02.734)
That would be their choice. We have a couple of churches who have opened their doors to say that, and also the correct center. The last one was at our rec center and they were there for five hours doing, different stations set up and yeah, meal, mean, not a bar, preferably.

Travis (39:03.638)
Duh.

I mean, ease of access is what it’s…

Brian Mavis (39:09.172)
Okay

Travis (39:13.389)
churches.

Travis (39:21.933)
Dang, that’s…

Brian Mavis (39:22.258)
Okay, so not a bar. Okay, got it. churches and rec centers, that makes sense. Okay, all right. So yeah, I’m a big believer in Parents Night Out. again, it’s something I think that churches, I mean, they’re built for this. And so if your church is looking for something that is meaningful and that would be well received and…

Travis (39:25.293)
Probably not the best, but…

Courtney (39:31.5)
Yeah.

Travis (39:32.801)
But we…

Brian Mavis (39:50.389)
It’s a chance for people in your congregation to actually meet foster families, meet kids in care. A Parents Night Out is a great, great ministry.

Travis (40:03.187)
And I was just going to add to that was also like on the website, we have a tab on faith communities and how you can engage maybe your local church on starting some of this. have some amazing resources. And if you’re a business, we have a whole thing, Brian, you could speak for a second on foster friendly businesses. Or setting you up here.

Brian Mavis (40:15.763)
Okay.

Brian Mavis (40:20.852)
That’s true. mean, this podcast wasn’t meant to be a plug or commercial for our resources, but we’ve got a lot of great resources. So yeah, go to our site and they’re all available for free and great things there for churches and businesses. we are big believers that your business doesn’t need to close down for a day and then go volunteer somewhere that your business actually is blessing.

Travis (40:28.749)
Hey, we do.

Brian Mavis (40:50.612)
by the way it already runs and what it already provides. And so it just redirected a bit to foster families, similar to military families that you might want to support and recognize and honor. Okay, last question. I’m interested in helping youth who have aged out. Are there any great organizations or ways to help?

Courtney (41:22.264)
Brian, I feel like you should answer this one. Peg.

Travis (41:24.181)
I think so. You might know somebody.

Brian Mavis (41:24.468)
This, just so you know, I did not write this question. So it just so happens. Yeah. 10 years ago, yeah, I’ll share a little story. So, 10 years ago, we were videoing a kid, DeAndre, he was 17 and a half, a wonderful kid that we were hoping would, get adopted by a family who

Travis (41:32.269)
Ha ha.

Haha

Brian Mavis (41:54.565)
saw the video, and that did not happen. He aged out, unfortunately, and we soon discovered that he was living on the streets. In fact, he opens up my chapter on homelessness. And my wife, we were running America’s Kids Belong. She just thought I cannot.

I can’t let this just be the end of his story. I want to create something where he still feels seen and appreciated and cared for. And so we created a program called Dreammakers and you can find it at the website, dreammakersproject.org. And it’s dreams that kids who’ve aged out say, I wish this were true for me. And so a lot of times it’s vocational or educational.

help and so it could be a laptop or things like that or all sorts of things. We’ve had a kid who got a pilot’s license. We’ve also had some that are more kind heartbreaking dreams. But again, for the most part, they’re pretty uplifting and vocationally and educationally oriented. And so you can go there and it’s kind of like make a wish, but it’s not for someone who’s sick, it’s someone who’s aged out.

And that can help a kid take their next step towards a kind of a connected independence.

Courtney (43:22.03)
.

Courtney (43:32.459)
I think you can always reach out to your local county and say, hey, I’m interested in aging or mentoring somebody aging out. Is there anybody that you guys have who might be aging out or has recently aged out that you could give them my contact in case they need a community to support somebody to wrap around them? And feel like mentorship is just a huge need for that age and stage as well.

Travis (43:39.831)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (43:49.205)
Yeah. 100%. I did see there was a big organization nationally called mentoring.org that I think you can also check into and has connections to facilitate those matches across the country.

Brian Mavis (44:04.294)
All right. Okay. And then as we close out and we’ve already brought this up a few times, but we’ll close out with a little bit more clarity, explicitly sharing what America’s Kids Belong does. So we have three main programs and what we’re trying to solve are two just persistent problems and profound problems. One is a

recruiting problem, there are half as many families that are needed to be foster and adoptive families. And so we need to recruit more foster and adoptive families. And the other problem is a retention problem. So recruitment and retention and the retention problem is another half. There are half as many families as needed. And when they do step up, half of them quit within a year. And so we’re providing resources for recruitment and retention of those families.

The one of our programs, our three signature programs is the I Belong Project. That’s what we’re known for because it’s visual and visceral. We’ve filmed over 4,000 kids who are the longest waiting kids, giving them their kind of last best chance at a permanent family. we’re not just the biggest, we’re the best at it unabashedly, but we’re great at protecting the kids and also holding that balance of

promoting them, knowing and believing in our hearts that the best advocates for these kids are not politicians, preachers, government recruiters. It’s the kids themselves if they are just given a chance to share their heart. So there’s the iBlong project. The second one is foster-friendly communities and

Travis, I’ll let you, sorry, I know I just said, throw it. You’re back there doodling and so, and then Courtney, I’ll give you a heads up, you’ll get to do the third program. Travis, foster-friendly communities, explain what that is and its intent to help support families.

Travis (45:59.904)
Ooh.

Teacher called on the student that was ok.

Courtney (46:03.532)
Yes.

Travis (46:26.337)
Well, I’ll take a stab and you guys bat clean up on this, but it is an incredible, but it’s incredible vision on, you know, I remember several years ago, Brian talked about we need to change around the, know, first it was recruiting and then retaining. And I remember one time you had this like light bulb moment. No, it’s retention first. And then recruiting comes after that because how are we recruiting people?

Brian Mavis (46:29.448)
laughter

Brian Mavis (46:44.702)
Mm-hmm.

Travis (46:53.449)
into a place that if they’re not adequately supported, it’s, you know, it’s on us. Like we’re failing them there. So foster-friendly communities are an expansive vision that is growing nationally across the country, driven by the Foster Friendly app, which is a just state of the art, like proprietary.

Brian Mavis (46:57.971)
Yes.

Brian Mavis (47:09.193)
Mm-hmm.

Brian Mavis (47:13.8)
Yeah, we’ve had 20,000 people download that app right now. Yeah. Yeah.

Travis (47:17.769)
my gosh. Right. So, so yeah. So like it’s this app where it matches businesses across the country. And right now we’re in how many states would we say that are using this? The eight. Okay. And you can check this out on the website if your state is one these, but the app anyway, it’s just like Brian said earlier of military discounts like that, where you log in and hop in on this and say, maybe you’re in one of our States. Like you’re in Nashville, Tennessee, and you are curious about a bakery. Let’s.

Brian Mavis (47:27.956)
Probably eight, something like that.

Travis (47:47.137)
you know, and you find out, there’s bakeries that give discounts to foster families or a zoo or so anyway, awesome way to engage that way. And what else would you guys want to add about foster friendly communities?

Brian Mavis (47:58.451)
Well, yeah, we would, you know, when we focus in on a community, a city that we’d like to kind of reach thresholds that 10 % of businesses, retail businesses are involved as being foster friendly, that 5 % of churches are. And it’s like, why is there a smaller percentage of churches? It’s because we’re big believers that we want fewer churches just doing it better instead of a bunch of churches.

Courtney (48:06.36)
Thank

Brian Mavis (48:27.666)
not doing it well. And so we help churches become foster-friendly churches by reaching what we believe are the three best practices of being trauma-trained, having an ongoing support ministry, and then thoroughly teaching on it in a meaningful way at least once a year. And so we do that. We get other nonprofits to be on the app so that they can be…

more easily identified scene. Lots of foster families don’t know that these other foster family, sorry, nonprofits exist. So it’s just coming together and creating an ecosystem of support. So when families say yes to fostering, the rest of the community says yes to them. They’ve got their back and you’re right. was that light bulb moment for me was like, we really need to prioritize retention and so.

Courtney (49:14.242)
me.

Brian Mavis (49:22.054)
As we talk about these programs, it’s really three, two, one. The I belong project, the videos is three. The foster friendly communities is number two and number one. As far as it, and I mean, that’s like a funnel. The number one would be a fostering front door and Courtney, are key in developing that. So explain what fostering front door, why it exists and what it does.

Courtney (49:52.463)
Yeah, the front door really is that, the front door of foster care. So if somebody is interested in foster care, if somebody’s already fostering, or if they’re interested in supporting foster families, and then lastly, if they’re interested in adoption through foster care, we have, in a sense, a little database full of questions that people ask. We have collected questions over years, and I mean years, of different staff members who get these questions all the time, emails, text messages, calls.

Brian Mavis (50:20.126)
Mm-hmm.

Courtney (50:21.964)
and saying, are people asking before they start fostering? What are people asking now that they are fostering? What are people asking about supporting? What are people asking about adoption? And we have put together answers to all those questions. We’ve put together resources for all those questions. So it is an amazing database. Again, if you’re interested in fostering, go and check it out. Pretty much any question you can think of asking is going to be answered there. And then again, once you start fostering, it’s like, okay, I’m doing this, and it’s part of that retention.

You know, giving ongoing trainings, giving answers and resources and links to even other organizations that are doing things well when it comes to might be fetal alcohol, or you might have a placement of something new that you haven’t experienced before. You’re like, I need help. And my caseworkers don’t have a lot of answers for this situation. Go to the front door and we might have your answer there. And then again, understanding adoption through foster care. get tons of questions about that and want people to be well educated on the why. And, you know,

Adoption through foster care is different than other means of adoption. And it’s different for a reason. And that is because the primary goal is going to be reunification with a family member. And we just need to really educate our families well and understanding that, understanding how adoption through foster care is going to be a completely different process than adoption internationally or domestically. And we just want people to understand and have answers.

Brian Mavis (51:20.542)
Mm-hmm.

Brian Mavis (51:43.348)
Yeah. Well, Courtney and Travis, thank you so much for being such a key part of this organization and this podcast. And I think we’re going off to a great start for 2026 and this, we’re going to have more listeners than ever. And we want to make sure that we’re guiding them in a way that is for them feels that they can trust us. know, I put a big deal on.

Travis (52:11.949)
Hmm.

Brian Mavis (52:12.756)
as being the most trustworthy organization in this space. for our listeners, thank you so much. We care about you and just keep leaning in and taking your next best yes.

Travis (52:19.277)
Thank you.

Courtney (52:30.658)
Yeah, here’s to 2026.

Travis (52:32.993)
Let’s go.

Brian Mavis (52:33.268)
Cheers.